Monday, May 16, 2011

Mixed Memories

My mind is so full, that I could write pages today. I'll not subject you to that, I'll try to limit myself.

For the first time in months, this past week, I had a blast. It was Rachel's wedding, and I was the maid of honor. Rachel refused to call me "matron", as she said that sounded too "old lady." While it was packed full of things to do, it was a reprieve from grief, and it was all a lot of fun. On Wednesday of last week, we had her bridal shower. It was simple, but it was fun. After the shower, we had the bachelorette party, which consisted of dinner, and some shopping. We laughed so hard at dinner as we played silly games, sat outside in the warmth, talked about life, reminisced over old times, talked about hopes for the future and just had girl time. Let me just tell you, it had been a very long time since I'd gone out with girls for an evening. And I do believe that girl time is important. Rachel stayed with me Wednesday night. On Friday, it was the day of rehearsal. My buddy, Travis, who was also in the wedding, drove me up to where rehearsal was. We grabbed some lunch and had some time, so we wandered the art museum and had some Starbucks. That was also a really fun time . It was like a mini vacation, having a day away and just relaxing. 
  That evening we had a blast laughing at the rehearsal and then eating at the dinner and then the girls all shared a hotel room. It was good times. Saturday was wedding day, and while there were a couple of minor mishaps, we were able to fix them and things ran smoothly. The wedding was beautiful and lots of fun. and the reception was a blast! Let me tell you, I am far from being a dancer of any sorts, but I'd determined to have fun, and I danced the entire reception. I had a blast!!!
 Rachel is a very special friend to me, and I enjoyed time with her again. Travis is also one of my closer friends, and it was fun hanging out with him in a non work environment. Savannah and Wendy were there, too, and we all had a great time laughing together. And dancing together . 
 Sometimes you can decide what your attitude will be. I do believe that. But sometimes there are underlying conditions that make it harder just to choose an attitude. Things like...depression or other medical conditions. For Rachel's wedding, I'd determined for months that it was going to be my fun time. And I succeeded in that! Other moments, I determine that I am going to have a good attitude and well, it is just so much harder. Yesterday I returned back to reality and work. And there were moments that choosing a good attitude was really hard.  I managed to kind of escape my grief for a week. It was a really fun distraction. But during the week of fun, I did have a few minor moments....Probably last October, about when I had to go buy my dress for the wedding, my mom had left some money for me wrapped in a paper that said "for the bridesmaid dress". I found that paper this week, and it was hard to think she couldn't see me in my dress that she helped buy, or I couldn't call her to share about all the fun we were having. Mom loved weddings. So I talked to dad about it instead (lucky dad.) And I shared everything with my friend Janet, who is the best listener and has become my best friend. Of course Michael was a big part of it, too, so he already knew all about it.  Needless to say, I've discovered there probably won't be a moment that goes by that I don't think about mom or wish I could call her. Just some moments, I handle it better. 
 It was a great week with lots of great memories and lots of great pictures....which I'll post when I get my camera back (I left it at the reception). 
 This week is also a very busy week, full of things to do for the Relay for LIfe cancer walk this weekend. Tomorrow I will blog more about that. I will close by saying this.....
 In the book of James, which is my favorite book of the Bible, it says "count it pure joy when you go through trials...." I'm pretty sure I have not yet been able to do that. But it is a good goal for which to strive daily. As I launch into a new day, I hold onto that. And I hold onto my fun memories created this past weekend.  And I hold onto the beautiful memories of my mom and how I want to strive to be more like her. 

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