WARNING: Long Post Ahead!
Today closes out the year, and a decade. Naturally many of us go into reflect mode, at the same time also looking forward to the next year. I am a person who does this through the year often, but especially in moments such as the close of a year.
2019 has been a big year for me. It has been so monumental that I have started and erased and re-started this blog many times. I want to capture what resides in my soul, but that can be challenging to do in few words. This year I have had very little time to blog, and I missed doing that. However, priorities have to be arranged and this was one that fell to the lower end of the list. I want to take a moment to remember, share, and try to tell the story of this year in a real way.
I chose the word Purpose for my 2019 word of the year. As I went through the days and months, I saw that word play out in multiple ways. I reminded myself when I wanted to quit at times that I have a purpose and I won't let others sway that. I have experienced great moments this year, but not without the challenges. I have found greater purpose through the difficulties and watched myself grow in the process. You cannot understand the light without having walked through darkness, appreciate the sun without having seen the storms, value health without the experience of pushing through or understanding illness. I will recap this year a little bit...
Mom-life:
Parenting teenagers is not an easy task. I can hardly believe that my kids are 15 and 17. This last year has brought new milestones, hardships and blessings. I have pretty easy-going kids, honestly. But that doesn't mean there are not challenges. Joseph is in the ROTC program at the high school and I am proud of the young man he is growing to be. He's had some bumpy days with school, but has managed to find his way this year a little better.
Elizabeth has been a roller coaster over the last year. In a beautiful but challenging way at times. We went through a series of doctor appointments, tests, medication dosage trials and even a call from EMT at school, which scared me, all to discover she has asthma. While that is not a life-threatening illness, after having very healthy children for years, that brought on a new element to parenting. Meanwhile, we've moved into her Senior year, experiencing milestones. She bought her first car with her own money. She's been accepted to college. She is figuring out her own way. How is this season coming to a close in this phase of parenting?
Run-Life:
This year has been the hardest in regards to my run-life. For me, running clears my head and gives me clear thinking. Running is not always natural for me, I have to work at it. I began exactly 10 years ago running, with 2009 being my first half-marathon. Little did I know that it would lead to a career for me. I fell in love with it for how it has helped me work through difficult moments and taught me how I am completely capable of more than I ever thought possible.
But this year was tough. As I pursued career goals, focused on the family and worked towards a purpose which was planted in my heart 20 years ago, running long distance took a back seat. At times that was hard on my mental health, because running truly is a medicine for me. I missed the sweet victory of crossing the finish line after working on a goal for months. I missed the journey that training always teaches me. I felt the effects in my growing waist line ;) I didn't quit, but I didn't get the distance in like usual. I ran one half marathon event only. I look forward to the events of 2020.
Already working on creating my distance again, I am reminded how hard it is. I have to have pep talks with myself to put my shoes on and go out the door in the cold. I have to talk myself through the miles, even though they are few. I feel like I'm at the beginning again. However, I look forward to what the rebuilding journey is going to bring in 2020.
Student Life:
This year purpose took a real value in regards to my student life. At age 36, I graduated with my associates degree! This was a huge accomplishment for me, but did not come without challenges. 3 years of taking classes on-line and a few on campus brought sacrifice of lost sleep at times, saying no to fun moments at times so I could accomplish studies and facing the challenges of the nay-sayers left me at times questioning my decision to pursue my degree.
However, every scholarship I received confirmed my journey. Every high grade gave me stronger motivation. And really, the knowledge I drank in pushed me to new levels in many ways.
It was strange attending class alongside kids the age of my own children. However, that never deterred me. I am on a mission with a goal and I feel excited about what I've learned. I've grown in my Spanish skills, been able to take religion classes and be exposed to others' beliefs, which has grown my own faith. I've learned about human rights, which has strengthened my resolve to help globally those who are in need and don't know the love of God. I have met people who have encouraged me along the way, supported my journey, challenged my mind and pushed me to new levels of leadership. Through my studies, my own faith has deepened and purpose has grown.
I've been criticized for being a mom and an employee and attending school, saying it was putting my family on the back burner. I have been questioned in what will I really be able to do with a Spanish degree. I've walked through moments of self-doubt, frustration and fear.
But that made the accomplishment all the sweeter.
I graduated in May with my associates in Modern Language with a certificate in Global Studies.
and now I pursue my bachelor's degree in Spanish and International Relations and I cannot wait to see where that leads. It comes with financial struggles and time balances, but it is worth the difficulty.
Work Life:
Work life has brought the most challenges. I don't like to post a lot about my work life on a deep level, but I cannot close out this year without sharing a piece of the journey. 2019 brought the most struggles I have ever faced in work-life. However, with those challenges I have come out stronger and a better leader. Allow me to share a little...
Change produces growth, no matter how we view it in the moment. It pushes us out of our comfort zones. This year brought much change in my job. An overwhelming amount at times, honestly. But some of it was also exciting. I had the opportunity to create a new program, develop it and obtain a silver status in the way of being an environmentally friendly event. I learned so much through that, and enjoyed the challenge that it presented. I learned through the failures of some aspects and was giddy with the successes. I am super excited to watch the program grow and others learn from it as well. Environmental issues are real, but I didn't realize it until I allowed myself to get educated in it.
We made tons of course changes which brought on a lot of stress in some aspects. And yet through that, my leadership skills were strengthened. I found my own style of leadership, rather than piggy back off of others. That also came with an event that was very difficult, which was not receiving a promotion I very much wanted.
In the process of being turned down, I had to face a lot of emotions. I learned to work my way through those and rise above them, in spite of the challenges it all brought. I learned how to communicate more effectively and how to direct others more efficiently. I found my way of leading and learned that each person has their own style. I found my voice. The long story short, 6 months later, through a story that would take too long to tell, I was awarded that promotion I'd been turned down for earlier. The experience was humbling, and while hard to face in the moment, I do believe that God's timing is perfect and due to not getting the promotion initially, I was able to grow into a place that allows me now to better do the job that 6 months ago I may not have been ready to do as well. Those months pushed me into a leader that resided within but perhaps needed the hard days to find it.
Ministry Life
Since I wrote about this the other day, I won't elaborate here on it. I am excited for what the next year will bring as this year developed the direction of ministry God has given me with Colombia. I am anxious to work with the women more hands on. I was thankful to travel there this year twice and visit 17 different locations. I made hundreds of memories that cannot be told in a blog.... but maybe some day will, little by little.
Please take time to like our page on Facebook, Footprints with Hope, where you can also find updates and hopefully a website in the near future.
Lastly, travels...
I was able to go to Washington state, Puerto Rico, Washington DC, Colombia twice all in one year. It was awesome to see new sites, try new foods, learn new words and explore. This Cedarville gal (and guys, if you are reading this and know me well, you understand that reference) has come a very long way in life in those regards, and I am very excited to see where the roads of 2020 will lead and the pages in the story that will be written.
Here's to a wonderful 2019 and to an even better 2020.
Here's to living out purpose one day at a time.
Tuesday, December 31, 2019
Saturday, December 28, 2019
Closing out 2019 with Purpose
I grew up on a farm, and in our yard we had so many trees. I could not honestly tell you the difference between an oak tree or a maple tree, but I have always found beauty in the trees.
We did not have air conditioning in our home, but the trees that surrounded the front of the house provided cool shade and breezes. One of my favorite summer memories is sitting under the shade of the trees, drinking lemonade with my dad and the team of people who would come help us bale straw.
One one side of the house, we had a tree my siblings and I called the climbing tree. That tree was strong, but not the tallest or thickest of the trees on the farm. The branches were just the right height to jump a tad and be able to hang from it and swing my legs over it so I could lift myself into the tree. Then, I could skillfully climb branch by branch to the top of the tree. There were times I would climb it with friends, and we would sit for hours, passing the summer days. That tree would often be my little escape place when I wanted to get out of the house and think. It also was a favorite spot during hide and seek games. Although we all knew someone would climb that tree, the leaves were dark purple, making it very difficult to see a person hiding in the night.
There was also a tree which stood very tall and spread out over the side yard. Underneath that tree, when it rained, puddles would form and my brother and I would go out and splash in them for hours.
Trees serve much purpose, but it takes years for a tree to reach its maturity. I cannot remember any of those trees being planted. They seeds were placed in the ground many years before my existence. But their roots were deep and strong and the branches endured storms and brought much joy to my childhood.
I was remembering these trees as I thought about my word for this year. At the beginning of 2019 I chose the word purpose to define my year. As the year closes, I can see how my purpose has grown this year and how it has come to life in new ways.
20 years ago a seed was planted in my heart to work with Latin American countries. I always thought that would mean going to a country and living there. Then as I had children and life unfolded in curious ways, I thought that was a desire I'd made up. But over the last few years those seeds which were planted 20 years ago came to life. The roots were deep. They'd been growing. But sometimes one needs to mature and be prepared to serve out the purpose. I am certain if I had attempted to go to such a country 20 years ago, God still would have used me, but perhaps in a very different way. Instead, while the years have taken me down many roads, through hard experiences, I have grown up in a way that now God has brought those dreams back to life and is using them in a way I never dreamed possible.
The seed was planted 20 years ago. Its roots always existed. Much like branches on a tree endure storms and bend with the wind, I have battled the winds of life at times. I have endured storms. But through the last few years of water, of light- true light- He has unfolded a plan I never would have said would be my journey. This year in 2019, I opened a non-profit foundation to work with the displaced communities of Colombia. I am still learning through this. I at times feel completely under qualified, but yet those are often the ones God uses. And the dream grows. In 2020, we intend to launch workshops for women who have lived through violent and difficult situations. Those workshops will teach a trade for them to earn an income. The workshops will teach the women their value and worth in Chrit. And offer a place to heal and move forward. We pray that God will continue providing vision for this dream and help us unfold it.
When a seed is planted, you don't know how the tree (or flower) will look or when its growth will fill out the branches. Much patience is required. A lot of care taking is involved. I had no idea 20 years ago that I would be blessed to serve the Colombians and the visions God would lay on my heart to serve from within the US but fulfill my purpose and dream of helping others in another country. Every tree looks different and serves a different purpose. Purpose is a beautiful thing....
I'll share more about purpose in the next day as I close out this year and look towards 2020.
The seed was planted 20 years ago. Its roots always existed. Much like branches on a tree endure storms and bend with the wind, I have battled the winds of life at times. I have endured storms. But through the last few years of water, of light- true light- He has unfolded a plan I never would have said would be my journey. This year in 2019, I opened a non-profit foundation to work with the displaced communities of Colombia. I am still learning through this. I at times feel completely under qualified, but yet those are often the ones God uses. And the dream grows. In 2020, we intend to launch workshops for women who have lived through violent and difficult situations. Those workshops will teach a trade for them to earn an income. The workshops will teach the women their value and worth in Chrit. And offer a place to heal and move forward. We pray that God will continue providing vision for this dream and help us unfold it.
When a seed is planted, you don't know how the tree (or flower) will look or when its growth will fill out the branches. Much patience is required. A lot of care taking is involved. I had no idea 20 years ago that I would be blessed to serve the Colombians and the visions God would lay on my heart to serve from within the US but fulfill my purpose and dream of helping others in another country. Every tree looks different and serves a different purpose. Purpose is a beautiful thing....
I'll share more about purpose in the next day as I close out this year and look towards 2020.
Tuesday, December 24, 2019
Christmas thoughts and Abundant Life
The sun is streaming through the windows, and I walked outside without a coat today. It is a very rare day in December. Many are missing the snow falling, but I, for one, am enjoying the sunshine. In Ohio, that is rare to come by in the winter time.
It is Christmas Eve. The memories swirl around me and hug me tight as I reflect on this year, and begin to think about the upcoming one ahead. I'm a natural deep-thinker, but this time of year always brings it more strongly through my thought process. As the year comes to a close, there will be more words to share on that. Today I reflect on other thoughts.
Grief is a funny thing. It comes and goes and sneaks in where unexpected. This year, it has caught me off guard. It's been nearly 9 years since Mom passed away. This year, though, the Christmas season has been hard for me. Perhaps it has to do with wishing she could sit across the table from me and share a cup of coffee and celebrate the accomplishments of this year. Maybe it is in part due to the fact that my daughter is going through her Senior year of high school and a list of "lasts" are occurring, drawing upon a deep desire to have my mom to share these moments together and also needing sage advice from my wise mom. It could be the fact that this is the first year I did not bake our traditional cookie, my way of carrying on my mom through the holidays. However, time did not allow for that.... and the one thing I did try to make that she always did at the Christmas season, did not turn out stellar (ok, it did not turn out well AT ALL!) and I could not call her to ask her what I'd done or how to fix it....
Whatever the case may be, I find myself missing her deeply this year. Grief is a funny thing.
However, the sun shining through my living room window today reminds me of the hope that shined through my mom and (can) shine through me as well. It is a hope that exists because of the Christmas season itself. We place so much focus on gifts, decorating, baking, parties and festivities, that it can become easy to get overwhelmed with sadness of missing those not present and/or missing the point of the hope that we have EVERY DAY because of one day we celebrate in December.
Today, in lieu of not being at work, I took some time to reflect on the Christmas story. I've grown up reading this story, hearing it, knowing it, even acting it out as my dad would read it Christmas Eve. So it always amazes me when new aspects jump out and bring new truths to mind.
I've spent some time this year learning about my worth in Jesus Christ, which has helped shape me into a stronger person. Nonetheless, a part of me has always resonated with the underdogs in life. Jesus was often drawn to the underdogs, those people of society that others often rejected. Those people tell a story to me that sits deep in my soul. Today I reflected a lot on the Shepherds in the story of His birth.
Shepherds were not a glorified group of people in the Bible times. I am far from being a scholar, so I am not going to launch into backgrounds or theology. But the fields were dirty, the hours were long, and the company was animals and nature. It was a lonely job, if I had to guess. I'm sure the pay was very minimal as well. However, the angels chose to appear to the Shepherds to tell them of the Savior's birth. I am sure that was no mistake. It foreshadowed so many things. In reading about this, and thinking on the shepherds, my mind got drawn to the book of John, where Jesus is the Good Shepherd. And in John 10:10 He says that the thief comes to steal and destroy, but He came to give life, and that we may have it to the fullest.
I allow the thief to steal my joy at times. But He has come that I may always have joy. Even in the midst of struggles. Even in the midst of grief filled days 9 years later. Even in the midst of a not so successful baking. Even in the midst of every single moment of every single day. He came to us as a baby, which we celebrate at Christmas, and gave us the gift of abundant life to have forever.
I'm so glad the the angels appeared to the shepherds, a group in society not so accepted. I am so thankful that He chose to love me, in spite of my insecurities and struggles. I am also so glad that He was sent to us so many years ago so that today we can have continued abundant joy.
Thursday, November 28, 2019
The Community of Palmito
Palmito
Because our day had gotten so delayed with the bad roads, we’d already come to estimate we’d be cutting the women’s program in Palmito. There we also had plans to speak with the pastor about the team I’lll be taking in one year from now. As we navigated the route to Palmito, I wasn’t sure whether the roads to Brisas, full of mud, or the roads to Palmito, full of pot holes, was worse. We laughed about it, but Bishop Luis Andres Caicedo managed them like a pro. We laughed as we drove our way there, sharing stories and thoughts along the way.
It felt like it was taking a really long time… and probably because it did. We came to realize we were lost. As we stopped and Elizabeth would ask for directions, we worked our way backwards. It was the first time navigating this route. Our second time to Palmito this year. As we got into the actual village of Palmito, we paid a man to guide us there on his moto. I am continuously amazed at how it seems these people just know where they are going when there are absolutely zero road names or markings.
Per phone call to the Pastor, we assumed we’d be meeting with just him and his wife based on the fact we were pretty much arriving 3 hours late. Inside I was disappointed, but telling myself that it was really fine. That God would use it one way or another and even just sharing time with the Pastor would be good, since I know that returning would provide an encouragement.
I was completely humbled when we arrived and stepped out of the car. Maria grabbed me in a hug and welcomed me with beautiful words, as they ushered us over to their church meeting area. I was brought to tears before we even began the program as there were a whole congregation waiting for us. Convinced and prepared in my mind that we’d not be presenting a program, I was humbled beyond words that the whole community was waiting for us. Elizabeth and I walked to the front so we could do an introduction. Again, I still was not convinced we should even do a message time as they’d already been sitting there for so long. However, they wanted it. And so we presented. I shared my prepared story/message and at the end, Elizabeth opened it up for questions or comments. I could no longer hold my tears as one of the oldest ladies there stood and shared how she was so thankful that we’d returned to her village and the value that held for her and for them. And that they had prayed for me, for us and had been awaiting us with great joy. Who am I? I am not a unique person in the sense of having a title or degree. I am certainly not famous. I have wrestled my way to this place where I am today and yet they are thanking God for my being there. I am just a simple woman who wants to serve Jesus. I have spent time praying over these meetings, I have spent years asking God to guide me into the woman He wants me to be. I was there to share to them their value simply from things I have been learning myself. And yet once again I was taught of my importance in the kingdom of God. But we don’t know that until we step out of our comfort zone. We can’t know that if we sit on the things we are learning. We cannot discover the depth of our own selves until we get lost in the service of His world.
The moment in Palmito was transforming for me as well. As I could not hold the tears back, I just let them come, as hard as that sometimes is for me to do in front of others. God totally showed up in that moment in way totally unexpected. When my tears began and I tried to speak through them, Elizabeth had to translate simply because I just could not talk out loud without sobbing like a hysterical fool. Good tears, of course. And in that moment, they started coming forward to hug me. Which only made me cry more. One by one they arrived at the front to thank me, to hug me, to say what it meant to them. This story I am telling right now is not to share about something fantastic I did. I am not anyone special. Every single one of us has gifts that can be used. Every person has worth, has special pieces to offer to this world.
There’s a song that comes to mind that says in reference to the light that lives within us because of the light of Jesus…”Hide it under a bush, no, I’m going to let it shine!” And I guess I have finally learned to let it shine and stop letting it hide. This light that gave me life and gave me a dream 20 years ago in my heart for the Latin American community is finally getting to shine. It’s a process, like all things in life. But once it begins unfolding, once it begins burning, it is a fire so fierce it brings new life.
They kept arriving to me, asking to take photos, wanting to share little pieces of them, then brining their mother or their child to be in the photo with me. It felt unreal. Where I thought we’d have no opportunity to serve became one of the most profound moments of the trip.
When we left it was dark. A man rode with us for a bit to drive us out and point us the right direction. We drove a bit sharing some, but some in silence too as we took in those moments. And then over dinner we had time to really share about the day. You see, the moments that can seem like the biggest detours (muddy roads, delayed arrivals and getting lost) can often turn into the biggest blessings. I ponder that as I close out this day…. because that applies not to just the trip itself but life application. Sometimes we do not understand the direction or the muddy way we walk through…. but in the end, it can provide the biggest heart change.
Wednesday, October 30, 2019
Arroyo Seco
The day was hot and the roads were muddy from a fresh rain. It felt like something out of a movie as we mounted “motos” (In the States we would probably call it a cross between a motorcycle and a dirt bike). 3 of us passengers mounted the 3 bikes as the expert drivers led us down the dirt (or often more like mud) road.
We passed through fields of cows, pushed open gates to cross into the next path, and the bikes were expertly maneuvered through the rugged path. I honestly never felt worried as I trusted this expert driver to get me to the location we could only reach by moto. I will say, however, that it was completely amazing that they knew exactly which way to turn or when to go straight when there were no indicators whatsoever. We crossed through streams, passed a few who were finishing bathing (clothed, of course, but that’s what they were there to do), and had to demount once and trudge through the mud so the moto could make it up the slimy path where we would remount and continue.
The fresh wind in the warm air pushed the hair around my face as I smiled and took in the moment. I was on the first moto, so I was the first to arrive. (I do think I may have gotten the best driver of them all?) he dropped me off at the home in the village of Arroyo Seco to wait for the others. They kindly offered me a chair and I began to chat with them. They welcomed me seemingly without hesitation.
I thought that this meeting could be a challenge since we arrived late due to bad roads (the normal roads, I am referring to, not even the ones we navigated by moto). We decided to cut a few pieces of the event because of our time, but in the end, taking those pieces out did not make the meeting any less valuable. Each place had its own unique moments and responses, and Arroyo Seco was no different.
Due to our late arrival being around lunch time, we thought maybe the women may not come, or less of them anyway. But little by little they arrived to the small school room and by the end of the meeting we had over 20. They were patient with me as I am certain I did mess up some of their language, but nonetheless, they were the first group to interact with the message and not be shy to respond to what I was saying. They listened intently. They spoke up at times. And more than anything, they welcomed me into their space as one of their own. I was there to share with them that each of them had value in this world and yet through this journey, these women conitnuously reminded me of my worth. It was a transforming time there in Arroyo Seco.
To end the meeting, we had a time of prayer in a circle holding hands. That was the only village we did that specifically. We usually closed in prayer, but here we held hands. My bright white skin against their dark skin, weathered from the sun and dirt and hard living conditions. Their smiles and hugs will bring me joy (and tears) forever upon remembering.
Ending with many hugs and blessings, it was time to part ways. I drank in the sight of this little village once more. The palm tree thatch roofs, the bamboo outer layers to the home, the 9 people in one (small) home who first welcomed me, and I knew that one day I would return. Because here was once again the presence of God tucked away in the mountains of Colombia in a tiny village that is unknown to most of the world, but to God holds just as much value as the city of millions.
We mounted our motos once again and I let the moments sink in as we passed through the green fields, the muddy path, the streams and the cows.
On the journey back, we had laughs as Elizabeth fell off the moto and me being on the lead moto said to my driver “Well, I think this proves you are the best of all 3 of them!” As we continued on and the drivers would mystically and professionally manage the paths, knowing when to let their feet down and slow the moto and maneauver it through the mud as well as when to speed up to make it up a hill or stop so I could get off so that we would not crash….
Arroyo Seco now holds a piece of my heart. I had no idea I had so much space for so many of these people. But they just keep showing up and leaving imprints on me. One experience at a time.
Saturday, October 5, 2019
Running for Kabuki Awareness
I will never participate in a virtual run. I don't believe in them... I am a traditional runner...
Until Today.
Today I understand why these virtual runs exist and how they can make an impact. But until I allowed myself to get past the words "never" and being stuck in my traditional ways, I did not understand. I want to explain and share the journey of my virtual run.
I have been running for 10 years now, but I consider myself a traditional runner, even though not an elite or someone making a mark in the event. I am traditional in the sense of doing a race means showing up, participating, finishing, and having a medal and swag. That is all part of the experience. I didn't understand virtual running and have always more or less balked at the idea, being one immersed in the running business. However, that changed recently, and today as I embarked on my first true virtual run, I understood its value.
I have a friend whose family is impacted directly with a child who has Kabuki Syndrome. That is not a diagnosis I had ever heard of, but now am learning of it more deeply. It's funny how that works- all these "things" that exist that we never know are a thing until we cross paths with it in life and then suddenly, it becomes an awareness. Perhaps we should all live more aware of the "things" that cross our paths, so that we can better understand the stories of the people around us.
Kabuki Syndrome is a diagnosis only 1 in 32,000 people have. It is rare. But it changes the lives of all those it touches. I don't want to write about it a lot here in this blog because I, myself, am learning of it still. But I share this background to explain how I came to believe in a virtual run.
So many times I want to do something to help people in my life I love. But I don't know how. I have learned that showing support can speak louder than empty words of advice or pushing money to fix an issue. We all just need to know that others care. As I was made aware of Kabuki Syndrome, I began to google it to learn how I could be a better support. I stumbled across the All Things Kabuki website, which was full of information and links. In the process of browsing the site to learn, I found they have a virtual 5K. Because of my love for running, I poked a little further to learn more.
I thought to myself, with my friend living in Colombia who has this interaction of Kabuki on an every day basis, and me being so far, perhaps this would be a way to show my support. So, I emailed the organizers and engaged in a conversation. I learned about the Syndrome and I learned about the event. The idea on their part was that a person registers and in the mail receives a race bib and medal and has to do the participation between Oct 1-31 because Oct. 23 is Kabuki Awareness Day. While my traditional self caved to the idea of participating, I grew excited to share this with my friend(s). Explaining what a virtual run is was hard, explaining my marathon job is always a challenge for me at times to those in another country, but trying to explain a virtual run was even harder mostly because it was my first time to really participate.
But I was growing excited in this endeavor to show a small ounce of support through something I love. (And for once not being the organizer of it!) When my bib and medal arrived, I chose that I would participate today, as my regular Saturday run. Only I would wear the bib.
It felt a little odd, putting on a race bib with no one around. There was no starting line, no flags, no banners, no finish line. No crowds and no hydration. Just me, my headphones, my race gear and my determination to learn more and support my friends. I set out on my run and soon discovered why a virtual run can make a difference.
As I entered the park, I had people asking me while I jogged past them, "Is there a run today?"
To which I was able to answer... "No, I'm participating in a virtual run to raise awareness for Kabuki Syndrome."
To which they would ask "What is that?"
And while I know next to nothing, I was able to share just the small tidbits I was learning. Then they thanked me and we parted ways. But that happened on a few occasions and I began to understand the significance of the virtual event. I encountered at least 3 people today in the park who asked about my bib which lead to sharing about Kabuki Syndrome. That's 3 (4, including me) who now know a little more. Imagine 100 people doing that!
At first, when the groups said to post photos to Facebook and such for awareness, I thought, "Cool, that will really help draw attention to it."
But as I ran in a park and people stopped me, I realized the second significance to it. People are curious, but what they don't see or what isn't shared, can't be known. And a virtual run can do that.
As I ran this event without a start or a finish line, I thought to myself how people struggling with Kabuki Syndrome don't really have a start and finish line. They have a birth and a death, but there isn't likely as many start and end point significances for them. They mostly just shine bright to those around them and change the lives they touch through their joy in spite of a syndrome. Maybe they don't even have a huge awareness of being different. I don't really know because I am really just learning about this. We define our days by start and finish. Deadlines. Goal and achievements and failure. I think we can learn a lot from those affected and touched by Kabuki Syndrome. I hope to grow in this way myself.
In some ways, my run was just an average run. Especially after taking a long pause the last several months in preparations for the Air Force Marathon and putting my own runs on hold for others to experience a great one of their own. Today became a time for me to just enjoy the crisp, fall air. To think about my friends touched by this. To pray for them. And to maybe make a small difference in some way, whether by support or by learning or both.
So, as I have come to learn... never say never. Because today I understood why a virtual run can have a large impact and significance. And maybe will even begin organizing runs a little differently with this mindset gained.
Kabuki Syndrome is real. The least I could do was use an ability I have and enjoy to reach even a few people about it.
#AllThingsKabuki
#Purpose
#Runtoraiseawareness
Until Today.
Today I understand why these virtual runs exist and how they can make an impact. But until I allowed myself to get past the words "never" and being stuck in my traditional ways, I did not understand. I want to explain and share the journey of my virtual run.
I have been running for 10 years now, but I consider myself a traditional runner, even though not an elite or someone making a mark in the event. I am traditional in the sense of doing a race means showing up, participating, finishing, and having a medal and swag. That is all part of the experience. I didn't understand virtual running and have always more or less balked at the idea, being one immersed in the running business. However, that changed recently, and today as I embarked on my first true virtual run, I understood its value.
I have a friend whose family is impacted directly with a child who has Kabuki Syndrome. That is not a diagnosis I had ever heard of, but now am learning of it more deeply. It's funny how that works- all these "things" that exist that we never know are a thing until we cross paths with it in life and then suddenly, it becomes an awareness. Perhaps we should all live more aware of the "things" that cross our paths, so that we can better understand the stories of the people around us.
Kabuki Syndrome is a diagnosis only 1 in 32,000 people have. It is rare. But it changes the lives of all those it touches. I don't want to write about it a lot here in this blog because I, myself, am learning of it still. But I share this background to explain how I came to believe in a virtual run.
So many times I want to do something to help people in my life I love. But I don't know how. I have learned that showing support can speak louder than empty words of advice or pushing money to fix an issue. We all just need to know that others care. As I was made aware of Kabuki Syndrome, I began to google it to learn how I could be a better support. I stumbled across the All Things Kabuki website, which was full of information and links. In the process of browsing the site to learn, I found they have a virtual 5K. Because of my love for running, I poked a little further to learn more.
I thought to myself, with my friend living in Colombia who has this interaction of Kabuki on an every day basis, and me being so far, perhaps this would be a way to show my support. So, I emailed the organizers and engaged in a conversation. I learned about the Syndrome and I learned about the event. The idea on their part was that a person registers and in the mail receives a race bib and medal and has to do the participation between Oct 1-31 because Oct. 23 is Kabuki Awareness Day. While my traditional self caved to the idea of participating, I grew excited to share this with my friend(s). Explaining what a virtual run is was hard, explaining my marathon job is always a challenge for me at times to those in another country, but trying to explain a virtual run was even harder mostly because it was my first time to really participate.
But I was growing excited in this endeavor to show a small ounce of support through something I love. (And for once not being the organizer of it!) When my bib and medal arrived, I chose that I would participate today, as my regular Saturday run. Only I would wear the bib.
It felt a little odd, putting on a race bib with no one around. There was no starting line, no flags, no banners, no finish line. No crowds and no hydration. Just me, my headphones, my race gear and my determination to learn more and support my friends. I set out on my run and soon discovered why a virtual run can make a difference.
As I entered the park, I had people asking me while I jogged past them, "Is there a run today?"
To which I was able to answer... "No, I'm participating in a virtual run to raise awareness for Kabuki Syndrome."
To which they would ask "What is that?"
And while I know next to nothing, I was able to share just the small tidbits I was learning. Then they thanked me and we parted ways. But that happened on a few occasions and I began to understand the significance of the virtual event. I encountered at least 3 people today in the park who asked about my bib which lead to sharing about Kabuki Syndrome. That's 3 (4, including me) who now know a little more. Imagine 100 people doing that!
At first, when the groups said to post photos to Facebook and such for awareness, I thought, "Cool, that will really help draw attention to it."
But as I ran in a park and people stopped me, I realized the second significance to it. People are curious, but what they don't see or what isn't shared, can't be known. And a virtual run can do that.
As I ran this event without a start or a finish line, I thought to myself how people struggling with Kabuki Syndrome don't really have a start and finish line. They have a birth and a death, but there isn't likely as many start and end point significances for them. They mostly just shine bright to those around them and change the lives they touch through their joy in spite of a syndrome. Maybe they don't even have a huge awareness of being different. I don't really know because I am really just learning about this. We define our days by start and finish. Deadlines. Goal and achievements and failure. I think we can learn a lot from those affected and touched by Kabuki Syndrome. I hope to grow in this way myself.
In some ways, my run was just an average run. Especially after taking a long pause the last several months in preparations for the Air Force Marathon and putting my own runs on hold for others to experience a great one of their own. Today became a time for me to just enjoy the crisp, fall air. To think about my friends touched by this. To pray for them. And to maybe make a small difference in some way, whether by support or by learning or both.
So, as I have come to learn... never say never. Because today I understood why a virtual run can have a large impact and significance. And maybe will even begin organizing runs a little differently with this mindset gained.
Kabuki Syndrome is real. The least I could do was use an ability I have and enjoy to reach even a few people about it.
#AllThingsKabuki
#Purpose
#Runtoraiseawareness
Sunday, August 11, 2019
The Little Things
Many months have passed since I've taken time to write here about the little things of life.
Those moments that create a mental picture in the memory that weeks later will bring a smile to my face. It is important to slow down and recognize those, no matter how chaotic life can get. As I sit on the patio, taking a few moments to be still this morning after a very busy week, entering into an even busier one, I just want to recognize those moments...
~ a gentle breeze, tickling my skin underneath the blue sky, refreshing my soul
~ the sound of cicadas in the yard... the beautiful sound of summer. Oh, how I wish time would slow down some moments so I could just drink in this one moment and recall it in the days of chaos.
~ A bike ride with the sunrise. Even if not a leisurely one, nonetheless it is a time that still finds joy and smiles and laughs and the beauty of God all around. (And a humble reminder that it is good to do exercises other than running, that my body needs more sometimes)
~ I love people. I enjoy talking and listening. I like conversations and laughter. I enjoy the presence of others around me. But I also have learned who the solid few are in my circle at all times. And I am thankful for that handful of friends. Those who stick by me, believe in me, encourage me and knock me over the head when I need it.
~ Good books. I have enjoyed this summer having time to read.
~ moments with my kids. More than ever, I recognize how my time with them is rapidly disappearing. I am taking advantage of soaking up those moments a little more lately.
These are just a few of the little things through the week. What were yours? Did you take time to see them in the midst of your busy schedule? I'm re-learning to do that.
Those moments that create a mental picture in the memory that weeks later will bring a smile to my face. It is important to slow down and recognize those, no matter how chaotic life can get. As I sit on the patio, taking a few moments to be still this morning after a very busy week, entering into an even busier one, I just want to recognize those moments...
~ a gentle breeze, tickling my skin underneath the blue sky, refreshing my soul
~ the sound of cicadas in the yard... the beautiful sound of summer. Oh, how I wish time would slow down some moments so I could just drink in this one moment and recall it in the days of chaos.
~ A bike ride with the sunrise. Even if not a leisurely one, nonetheless it is a time that still finds joy and smiles and laughs and the beauty of God all around. (And a humble reminder that it is good to do exercises other than running, that my body needs more sometimes)
~ I love people. I enjoy talking and listening. I like conversations and laughter. I enjoy the presence of others around me. But I also have learned who the solid few are in my circle at all times. And I am thankful for that handful of friends. Those who stick by me, believe in me, encourage me and knock me over the head when I need it.
~ Good books. I have enjoyed this summer having time to read.
~ moments with my kids. More than ever, I recognize how my time with them is rapidly disappearing. I am taking advantage of soaking up those moments a little more lately.
These are just a few of the little things through the week. What were yours? Did you take time to see them in the midst of your busy schedule? I'm re-learning to do that.
Sunday, August 4, 2019
Why Not Me?
"The craziest thing we can do is nothing." -Charity: Water
Two weeks ago I celebrated my 37th birthday. I had a very nice day, but being the person I am, milestone days such as that always create a time for me to pause and reflect on the prior year and the year going forward. Writing feels like it became a lost art in the midst of a busy time of life, and when I was recently challenged to do something that makes me happy every day for the next 6 weeks, I chose to bring writing back into the mix. It's not the only thing I chose, so I won't write every day, but you may see me pop up here in the next few weeks a little more often.
For my birthday, my daughter took me book shopping and out for coffee. Three of my favorite things: being with her, finding a book, and enjoying coffee. My days with her are fleeing, as she goes into her Senior year. We laughed, we spent a few hours (literally) browsing books, getting excited and narrowing them down to a couple. It was a special time. The book I chose was called Thirst, which is about a man who formed a charity. I highly encourage the read of the book, as his story is compelling and inspiring. I won't retell his story here, but it brought thoughts into my mind's process of life as it stands today.
His charity is the one who coined the phrase "The craziest thing we can do is nothing." I kind of fell in love with that phrase. Now, doing nothing sometimes is a good idea- to slow down, to rest, to take in the moments. I don't think he was meaning to say always be busy. The point is that when we see a need, doing nothing about it is crazy. If we aren't here to help others, to offer a hand when someone is down, to say an encouraging word, to love the hurting, to buy someone coffee and just listen, to bring laughs instead of anger, to give a hug.... then why? The craziest thing we can do is nothing...
Something that has been said to me before is "Why does it have to be you?" My response is... "Why NOT me?" I am not rich. I am not famous. I do not have a million hours to give. I am one person in the scheme of billions on this planet. But why not me? God takes the most broken, the most beat up stories often and uses them for multiplying His kingdom through love. Why not me? I get crazy ideas often. It usually happens when I am out running, clearing my head, moving slowly, but just letting the thoughts flow. Not every idea is a good one, but if I simply said "Nah... not me..." I would not be who I am.
I've also been learning that sometimes the best Yes we get is actually a No... but that can be very hard to accept. However, a "no" doesn't mean walk away. A "no" can mean knock on another door. Don't give up. Keep going. And through the process, learn. Through the process, grow. And keep going. Keep being you. A no can mean a yes to a greater opportunity. I've seen that, I'm learning that. I am applying that in several ways.
I chose the word Purpose at the beginning on 2019 and I don't think I've ever felt more impact from a word reiterating itself to me all year long. I am reminded who I am. As I can at times be told no, I recall I have a greater purpose and I carry on with that, one step at a time.
Through this last year, moments I have not blogged include a solo trip to Colombia, which was the most impactful ever, graduating with my associates (and soon to enter my bachelor degree pursuit), trips to various new locations, and I've gained new friends. I have done tasks in my job to be honest no one will ever know I did, I have faced ugly confrontations that brought out a side to me I didn't know I had, and I have learned to say no - (saying it can be as hard as accepting it at times). I have learned the value of true friendship.
I have new crazy ideas brewing, which include the start up of a non-profit foundation (which was born in my head nearly a year ago, I said no several times, but now we are in pursuit of doing it... hence I say No sometimes is just a redirection to a new Yes).
I want to close by telling a story. Bear with me. It is significant, I promise.
You all know Colombia is dear to me. In March 2019 I made a trip there solo. It changed my life, even more than I already had been. We traveled to 16 communities. I listened. I asked questions. I learned. When I came home, a foundation I had worked with going into the trip bought several bags from the Indigenous tribe, the Zenú. When I delivered the bags, the founder told me of a project my church was launching into (that I had not learned of at that point) to pack boxes of dry meals that get shipped to people in need. Long story short, my church agreed to pack those meals to be sent to Colombia, something the organization has never done.
My church packed 40,797 meals! I was blown away.
Next, it was my task to figure out the shipping. It was going to cost $5,000 to ship it in containers. That felt daunting, but not impossible. I began conversations. Through an accidental mentioning, I got the crazy idea to ask a contact in the Air Force if there were any planes going to Colombia. I knew it was far-fetched. But I asked. And through that, I got a YES! There is a program that exists to do such shipments. Well, through that, the foundation learned of it, and had un-designated meals in their warehouse, and decided to add to what we had packed... and through that, we now will send 285,000 meals to Colombia! It is incredible!!
Now, we have run into some hiccups with the paperwork on the Colombian side, but I am not giving up. That is not uncommon to happen. A "no" can just be a redirection. Through this redirection, I have met others doing work in Colombia. Through meeting those others, more forces can be joined together to create a difference. We aren't there yet with our final solution, but I do have faith it is within reach...
So, my friend, the craziest thing I can do is nothing. What if I hadn't gone to Colombia? What if my church didn't pack food? What if I didn't ask the Air Force about taking it in? What if....
I don't share this story to say "Yay, Rachael!" In fact, I hesitated to share it. But I share it because I am learning that stepping out of our comfort zones, pushing through hard changes, making asks, risking "no"... those are applications to make this next year. And maybe the story will inspire or encourage you to do the same.
So, Why Not me? May this year be my craziest year yet!
Two weeks ago I celebrated my 37th birthday. I had a very nice day, but being the person I am, milestone days such as that always create a time for me to pause and reflect on the prior year and the year going forward. Writing feels like it became a lost art in the midst of a busy time of life, and when I was recently challenged to do something that makes me happy every day for the next 6 weeks, I chose to bring writing back into the mix. It's not the only thing I chose, so I won't write every day, but you may see me pop up here in the next few weeks a little more often.
For my birthday, my daughter took me book shopping and out for coffee. Three of my favorite things: being with her, finding a book, and enjoying coffee. My days with her are fleeing, as she goes into her Senior year. We laughed, we spent a few hours (literally) browsing books, getting excited and narrowing them down to a couple. It was a special time. The book I chose was called Thirst, which is about a man who formed a charity. I highly encourage the read of the book, as his story is compelling and inspiring. I won't retell his story here, but it brought thoughts into my mind's process of life as it stands today.
His charity is the one who coined the phrase "The craziest thing we can do is nothing." I kind of fell in love with that phrase. Now, doing nothing sometimes is a good idea- to slow down, to rest, to take in the moments. I don't think he was meaning to say always be busy. The point is that when we see a need, doing nothing about it is crazy. If we aren't here to help others, to offer a hand when someone is down, to say an encouraging word, to love the hurting, to buy someone coffee and just listen, to bring laughs instead of anger, to give a hug.... then why? The craziest thing we can do is nothing...
Something that has been said to me before is "Why does it have to be you?" My response is... "Why NOT me?" I am not rich. I am not famous. I do not have a million hours to give. I am one person in the scheme of billions on this planet. But why not me? God takes the most broken, the most beat up stories often and uses them for multiplying His kingdom through love. Why not me? I get crazy ideas often. It usually happens when I am out running, clearing my head, moving slowly, but just letting the thoughts flow. Not every idea is a good one, but if I simply said "Nah... not me..." I would not be who I am.
I've also been learning that sometimes the best Yes we get is actually a No... but that can be very hard to accept. However, a "no" doesn't mean walk away. A "no" can mean knock on another door. Don't give up. Keep going. And through the process, learn. Through the process, grow. And keep going. Keep being you. A no can mean a yes to a greater opportunity. I've seen that, I'm learning that. I am applying that in several ways.
I chose the word Purpose at the beginning on 2019 and I don't think I've ever felt more impact from a word reiterating itself to me all year long. I am reminded who I am. As I can at times be told no, I recall I have a greater purpose and I carry on with that, one step at a time.
Through this last year, moments I have not blogged include a solo trip to Colombia, which was the most impactful ever, graduating with my associates (and soon to enter my bachelor degree pursuit), trips to various new locations, and I've gained new friends. I have done tasks in my job to be honest no one will ever know I did, I have faced ugly confrontations that brought out a side to me I didn't know I had, and I have learned to say no - (saying it can be as hard as accepting it at times). I have learned the value of true friendship.
I have new crazy ideas brewing, which include the start up of a non-profit foundation (which was born in my head nearly a year ago, I said no several times, but now we are in pursuit of doing it... hence I say No sometimes is just a redirection to a new Yes).
I want to close by telling a story. Bear with me. It is significant, I promise.
You all know Colombia is dear to me. In March 2019 I made a trip there solo. It changed my life, even more than I already had been. We traveled to 16 communities. I listened. I asked questions. I learned. When I came home, a foundation I had worked with going into the trip bought several bags from the Indigenous tribe, the Zenú. When I delivered the bags, the founder told me of a project my church was launching into (that I had not learned of at that point) to pack boxes of dry meals that get shipped to people in need. Long story short, my church agreed to pack those meals to be sent to Colombia, something the organization has never done.
My church packed 40,797 meals! I was blown away.
Next, it was my task to figure out the shipping. It was going to cost $5,000 to ship it in containers. That felt daunting, but not impossible. I began conversations. Through an accidental mentioning, I got the crazy idea to ask a contact in the Air Force if there were any planes going to Colombia. I knew it was far-fetched. But I asked. And through that, I got a YES! There is a program that exists to do such shipments. Well, through that, the foundation learned of it, and had un-designated meals in their warehouse, and decided to add to what we had packed... and through that, we now will send 285,000 meals to Colombia! It is incredible!!
Now, we have run into some hiccups with the paperwork on the Colombian side, but I am not giving up. That is not uncommon to happen. A "no" can just be a redirection. Through this redirection, I have met others doing work in Colombia. Through meeting those others, more forces can be joined together to create a difference. We aren't there yet with our final solution, but I do have faith it is within reach...
So, my friend, the craziest thing I can do is nothing. What if I hadn't gone to Colombia? What if my church didn't pack food? What if I didn't ask the Air Force about taking it in? What if....
I don't share this story to say "Yay, Rachael!" In fact, I hesitated to share it. But I share it because I am learning that stepping out of our comfort zones, pushing through hard changes, making asks, risking "no"... those are applications to make this next year. And maybe the story will inspire or encourage you to do the same.
So, Why Not me? May this year be my craziest year yet!
Monday, April 29, 2019
Purpose...Step by Step
Step by step, life is a process.
That has been a theme and a revolving conversation of mine recently. A lesson that I am drinking in and embracing.
The reality is that I could write a book from the experiences that I have had this year alone, and this blog today isn't the most stand out moment of all of them, but perhaps it is easier to find words to describe this one, so I share...
For 2019, I chose the word PURPOSE as my word. I want to live with purpose in everything I do. I want to discover my purpose and fulfill it every day to the best of my ability through God's grace. I am a mom, yes. I am a wife, of course. I work a job. But I do believe that each person has a calling for something special in life, that can go hand in hand with all of those parts of life, but is unique to the gifts God gives each individual.
So for 2019, I have been working to make decisions with purpose (with lots of prayer).
The reality is I could make this very long (shocker, I know!) but today I write to share about my race experience. Bear with me please. Purpose does build into this story.
I have now been running for 10 years. 10 years ago I completed my first half marathon and have never turned back since. The sport became one that helped me realize I can do more than I thought possible, I can accomplish goals I once thought "never", and I am more than what others say or what I may think of myself. Running isn't something magical, but it is definitely a part of my life that has helped me.
Running has helped me grieve the loss of my mom. Running has taught me that I am capable. Running has helped me get out of bed on days when depression wanted to keep me under the covers. Running gave me goals and taught me that sometimes a goal isn't always about reaching the exact goal, but is often times more about what you learn along the way. Running has helped me raise $20,000+ in scholarships in memory of my mom and $8,000+ (so far) in donations for keeping the clinic open in Colombia. Running pushes me to continue being a better me.
Over the last year and a half, I never quit running, but I had to make other areas of life a stronger priority. That means I have not done a half marathon for over a year and a half. Yes, I did other smaller races, but for me, a half marathon is the distance that pushes my limits beyond what feel capable. So for me, the half marathon, while I may curse it along the route at times, is my favorite. It is HARD for me. Running isn't natural, I have to work at it. I have never been and never will be a fast runner. I have run many races across several states (though many to go!) and met many people.
Well, I share all of this to say that for the first time since October 2017 I completed a half marathon again. And I want to share about the experience. For me, many times the training process is what has taught me in the end about myself. But, I have to say as part of this blog, that my training was, well, a lack of training. While I know everything one should be doing to be a good runner (I know how to train, I know the nutrition, I know about hydration....) I was the perfect example of not doing those things.
When I chose my word Purpose for the year, I decided that I wanted to get back to running some races. It isn't because running is my purpose. But through running, I tend to discover more of my purpose because of what I learn through it. Also, it is being purposeful in my health when I stick to my running.
I knew that this winter was going to be a bit nutty for me as I was in 3 classes, had travel for work, travel for Colombia among other things. But I was determined. So I chose a race that fit into life's schedule and set out to prepare for that race.
Well, let me be honest. Winter happened and there was a part of me that just struggled to get outside in the cold. I did it, but I did not do it well. Taking 3 classes may not seem like a big deal, but for me it was definitely more difficult than 2. (But I was on a path to graduate and did not want to deter that.)
Life in general happened and priorities overcame miles many times. Long story short, I didn't train well but I still wanted to do this race.
Why did I want to?
This race represented purpose for me. Why? Because this race symbolized something for me that possibly only me and God are going to understand, but it was a race I needed to do. Let me explain.
This race was very hard for me. In part because I didn't train so well. In part because in the midst of these months of choosing purpose for my word, I have confronted doubts and naysayers and hard moments that have created questions inside me, but I continue to pray, to search those out and to push forward. This race symbolized that for me. Because this race was hard and I didn't give up.
This race symbolized for me the journey I have been on the last 3 years going towards my associates degree and the fact that it has been a step by step process, which is exactly what a race is... one step at a time... and that next weekend I will walk across the stage and obtain my associates degree! For me that is a huge deal!
This race symbolized that putting the mind to something, with the strength of Christ even at my weakest moments, one step at at time ... with HIs leading... all things are truly possible!
This race symbolized for me purpose, not because running is my purpose, but because it represented the determination it takes to follow after purpose. But even more so for me, it represented that when I am weak, HE is strong. And that is where the greatest purpose comes from.
Let me tell you a few words about this race.... and then I'll wrap up my long-winded story of the journey of this half marathon.
I got up at 2:30 am to go to this race because it was a 2.5 hour drive.
My friend, Brenda, and I have been in this journey together in our own ways. She's a super cool gal, and we met through the YMCA. We chit chat at the gym, she has supported my endeavors through schooling and my dreams on the horizon and we discuss fitness goals and food. So, Brenda signed up to do this race with me. She was aiming for a PR....
Like 2 crazy gals, we set out on the road at 3:30 am.
Me.... I'd forgotten my cup of coffee I'd prepared, but oh well. She was with her chest cold that had come on. But we were both determined to do this and to have fun.
It was raining the entire drive, although it didn't show on the forecast, and that was not an exciting thing, as it was April 28 and 40 degrees! BRR.
Well, we got there fine and I could not find my headphones in the car at all (yes I am a runner who uses music to get through...) which was incredibly frustrating, but I decided that perhaps that was meant to be. Perhaps praying through the miles was part of the purpose of this race. So I moved on from that frustration.
We arrived to our corral and off we went. I won't take you through every mile of the race. Brenda and I would run bits together. I felt pretty decent, but I knew it was going to be hard and I would struggle further in. Well, miles 7 and 8 Brenda and I were together much of the race.
I was spending each mile praying about something specific in my heart, which helped pass the moments of the event as well.
At mile 9, Brenda kept going, but I was losing steam. I have learned my limits. So I knew to listen to my body. I didn't quit, but it was tough. Miles 10 and 11 my stomach wasn't so hot and so I knew to slow down or I was going to vomit. I am one who pushes myself, so slowing down is painful emotionally for me, but I knew it was necessary. And honestly my goal in this event was to finish, not to get some superb finish time. My goal was about the journey of pushing through the hard and the hurt to find the finish line (literally of a race, metaphorically of graduation, of goals, of dreams...)
Admitedly, at mile 11 I was semi-dehydrated. Rookie mistakes here, people, but I am being honest. And annoyingly the race had run out of cups. But I was in need of the water, so when I hit the next station, I cupped my hands and let them pour water from the pitcher into them so I could drink. Seriously silly rookie moment, but hey, part of the experience. As a race organizer, perhaps kind of annoying they were out of cups, but I pressed on.... My goal was to not have my worst finish time ever (which would simply be my time against my very first half marathon)
And in the end I did beat that time, so I was happy....
Brenda PR'd and I was super proud of her for that.
And finishing this race made me happy. I can't explain it fully, but sometimes the experiences are so personal, so deep, that no one else is going to get them. It felt good to finish that race. And the representation of what it means to me will forever stand strong.
It wasn't about my end time. It wasn't about the race itself. It was about the representation of one step at a time, goals can be accomplished and life has to often be looked at in baby steps. If I looked at mile 13 when I was at mile 1, it would have been a bit discouraging. But in steps, it became accomplishable. If I looked at my college degree taking 3 years (well, with still 2 more to go) I would probably feel like quitting, but here I stand about to receive that associates degree in less than a week. It was about pushing through the hard to reach the goal. It was about knowing inside of me, more exists than what others can see or understand. And (especiallly without my headphones) it was about purpose in my journey and walking with God and talking with Him about those next steps and being grateful for how far the past steps have brought me.
Much of our life events, our successes or even failures, our goals, are about walking through a process. It is not fast. But it is purposeful....
One step at at time....
That has been a theme and a revolving conversation of mine recently. A lesson that I am drinking in and embracing.
The reality is that I could write a book from the experiences that I have had this year alone, and this blog today isn't the most stand out moment of all of them, but perhaps it is easier to find words to describe this one, so I share...
For 2019, I chose the word PURPOSE as my word. I want to live with purpose in everything I do. I want to discover my purpose and fulfill it every day to the best of my ability through God's grace. I am a mom, yes. I am a wife, of course. I work a job. But I do believe that each person has a calling for something special in life, that can go hand in hand with all of those parts of life, but is unique to the gifts God gives each individual.
So for 2019, I have been working to make decisions with purpose (with lots of prayer).
The reality is I could make this very long (shocker, I know!) but today I write to share about my race experience. Bear with me please. Purpose does build into this story.
I have now been running for 10 years. 10 years ago I completed my first half marathon and have never turned back since. The sport became one that helped me realize I can do more than I thought possible, I can accomplish goals I once thought "never", and I am more than what others say or what I may think of myself. Running isn't something magical, but it is definitely a part of my life that has helped me.
Running has helped me grieve the loss of my mom. Running has taught me that I am capable. Running has helped me get out of bed on days when depression wanted to keep me under the covers. Running gave me goals and taught me that sometimes a goal isn't always about reaching the exact goal, but is often times more about what you learn along the way. Running has helped me raise $20,000+ in scholarships in memory of my mom and $8,000+ (so far) in donations for keeping the clinic open in Colombia. Running pushes me to continue being a better me.
Over the last year and a half, I never quit running, but I had to make other areas of life a stronger priority. That means I have not done a half marathon for over a year and a half. Yes, I did other smaller races, but for me, a half marathon is the distance that pushes my limits beyond what feel capable. So for me, the half marathon, while I may curse it along the route at times, is my favorite. It is HARD for me. Running isn't natural, I have to work at it. I have never been and never will be a fast runner. I have run many races across several states (though many to go!) and met many people.
Well, I share all of this to say that for the first time since October 2017 I completed a half marathon again. And I want to share about the experience. For me, many times the training process is what has taught me in the end about myself. But, I have to say as part of this blog, that my training was, well, a lack of training. While I know everything one should be doing to be a good runner (I know how to train, I know the nutrition, I know about hydration....) I was the perfect example of not doing those things.
When I chose my word Purpose for the year, I decided that I wanted to get back to running some races. It isn't because running is my purpose. But through running, I tend to discover more of my purpose because of what I learn through it. Also, it is being purposeful in my health when I stick to my running.
I knew that this winter was going to be a bit nutty for me as I was in 3 classes, had travel for work, travel for Colombia among other things. But I was determined. So I chose a race that fit into life's schedule and set out to prepare for that race.
Well, let me be honest. Winter happened and there was a part of me that just struggled to get outside in the cold. I did it, but I did not do it well. Taking 3 classes may not seem like a big deal, but for me it was definitely more difficult than 2. (But I was on a path to graduate and did not want to deter that.)
Life in general happened and priorities overcame miles many times. Long story short, I didn't train well but I still wanted to do this race.
Why did I want to?
This race represented purpose for me. Why? Because this race symbolized something for me that possibly only me and God are going to understand, but it was a race I needed to do. Let me explain.
This race was very hard for me. In part because I didn't train so well. In part because in the midst of these months of choosing purpose for my word, I have confronted doubts and naysayers and hard moments that have created questions inside me, but I continue to pray, to search those out and to push forward. This race symbolized that for me. Because this race was hard and I didn't give up.
This race symbolized for me the journey I have been on the last 3 years going towards my associates degree and the fact that it has been a step by step process, which is exactly what a race is... one step at a time... and that next weekend I will walk across the stage and obtain my associates degree! For me that is a huge deal!
This race symbolized that putting the mind to something, with the strength of Christ even at my weakest moments, one step at at time ... with HIs leading... all things are truly possible!
This race symbolized for me purpose, not because running is my purpose, but because it represented the determination it takes to follow after purpose. But even more so for me, it represented that when I am weak, HE is strong. And that is where the greatest purpose comes from.
Let me tell you a few words about this race.... and then I'll wrap up my long-winded story of the journey of this half marathon.
I got up at 2:30 am to go to this race because it was a 2.5 hour drive.
My friend, Brenda, and I have been in this journey together in our own ways. She's a super cool gal, and we met through the YMCA. We chit chat at the gym, she has supported my endeavors through schooling and my dreams on the horizon and we discuss fitness goals and food. So, Brenda signed up to do this race with me. She was aiming for a PR....
Like 2 crazy gals, we set out on the road at 3:30 am.
Me.... I'd forgotten my cup of coffee I'd prepared, but oh well. She was with her chest cold that had come on. But we were both determined to do this and to have fun.
It was raining the entire drive, although it didn't show on the forecast, and that was not an exciting thing, as it was April 28 and 40 degrees! BRR.
Well, we got there fine and I could not find my headphones in the car at all (yes I am a runner who uses music to get through...) which was incredibly frustrating, but I decided that perhaps that was meant to be. Perhaps praying through the miles was part of the purpose of this race. So I moved on from that frustration.
We arrived to our corral and off we went. I won't take you through every mile of the race. Brenda and I would run bits together. I felt pretty decent, but I knew it was going to be hard and I would struggle further in. Well, miles 7 and 8 Brenda and I were together much of the race.
I was spending each mile praying about something specific in my heart, which helped pass the moments of the event as well.
At mile 9, Brenda kept going, but I was losing steam. I have learned my limits. So I knew to listen to my body. I didn't quit, but it was tough. Miles 10 and 11 my stomach wasn't so hot and so I knew to slow down or I was going to vomit. I am one who pushes myself, so slowing down is painful emotionally for me, but I knew it was necessary. And honestly my goal in this event was to finish, not to get some superb finish time. My goal was about the journey of pushing through the hard and the hurt to find the finish line (literally of a race, metaphorically of graduation, of goals, of dreams...)
Admitedly, at mile 11 I was semi-dehydrated. Rookie mistakes here, people, but I am being honest. And annoyingly the race had run out of cups. But I was in need of the water, so when I hit the next station, I cupped my hands and let them pour water from the pitcher into them so I could drink. Seriously silly rookie moment, but hey, part of the experience. As a race organizer, perhaps kind of annoying they were out of cups, but I pressed on.... My goal was to not have my worst finish time ever (which would simply be my time against my very first half marathon)
And in the end I did beat that time, so I was happy....
Brenda PR'd and I was super proud of her for that.
And finishing this race made me happy. I can't explain it fully, but sometimes the experiences are so personal, so deep, that no one else is going to get them. It felt good to finish that race. And the representation of what it means to me will forever stand strong.
It wasn't about my end time. It wasn't about the race itself. It was about the representation of one step at a time, goals can be accomplished and life has to often be looked at in baby steps. If I looked at mile 13 when I was at mile 1, it would have been a bit discouraging. But in steps, it became accomplishable. If I looked at my college degree taking 3 years (well, with still 2 more to go) I would probably feel like quitting, but here I stand about to receive that associates degree in less than a week. It was about pushing through the hard to reach the goal. It was about knowing inside of me, more exists than what others can see or understand. And (especiallly without my headphones) it was about purpose in my journey and walking with God and talking with Him about those next steps and being grateful for how far the past steps have brought me.
Much of our life events, our successes or even failures, our goals, are about walking through a process. It is not fast. But it is purposeful....
One step at at time....
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