Training

Today I dedicate my blog to the pains of training.
 73 days to go until my first FULL marathon. YIKES! Roughly 10 more weeks of training. I am kicking it up a notch again. At least I am trying to.
 some days I get discouraged. I hear comments like " are you sure you are going to be ready?" or..."wow, that's all your running right now? That's not a lot." or even things like " you better pick up your speed if you want to finish in the time window."
 It's very true that I am not fast. In the months leading up to, and the months since mom's death, my training has not been at it's best. But if I've ever been determined to finish something, it is now. And I figure, if I completed a half marathon 2 weeks  after mom's death (which I did, very emotionally), I can and will do this full marathon. I lost a lot of ground in my last several months. But I didn't lose my love of it.
 Those comments get me down pretty often. Sometimes they even make me reconsider and doubt my ability in what I am doing. I have my own plan, I don't follow a typical training plan...mostly because my life doesn't fit onto a pretty page or a into neat little box to do what most do when training. I make it work for me and my life. And for the most part, I am doing this on my own, which is even more difficult. I also get some really encouraging comments...ones such as "it's your race, your pace. don't let others get you down. It's about you and not them." or things like " you can do it, Rachael. Who cares what your time is? You are doing something many people will never be able to say they've done."
 What it boils down to is what I want to do, not what others say or don't say. Sure, encouragement helps. But really, it's not about that. This is about me and my journey. I love to run. I hate getting up at 4 am. But I love the results. My body is no longer losing weight with it, but that's a different story that I will not launch into. Running a full marathon is part of my grief process. I carry mom with me every step of the way in this. Some have said, " Why can't you just do the marathon one day? Why does it have to be so soon? Why does it have to be this one?" But it is really hard for me to explain. It's just what I not only want to do, but what I need to do. I'm just being honest. This blog isn't a complaint session, it's just talking about my journey a little more.
 I am scared to death of this race. But I am also excited about it. i won't win first place. In fact, I may very well be one of the last to cross. But I am doing this and it's a good, healthy  event for me. I am going to be adding swimming once a week as cross training. I am an awful swimmer. I don't think I could actually save my life if I needed to. But I have a "coach" who is going to work with me. It's almost embarrassing to admit that, but also, it's humbling. And it kind of excites me.
 And speaking of races, the process of planning my 5 K in mom's name to benefit her scholarship is under way. Details to come.
 Tomorrow is Thursday and I get the pleasant surprise of getting to sleep in an hour later because of a change up at work. However, I think I will use that time for a good run. Probably hill repeats. LIke I am always saying, it's all about one day at a time.