Dad came over for dinner last night and it was really nice having him. I went back and forth about this blog. You see, I don't like announcing things such as "it's my birthday", but in order to talk about the depth of emotions on this day, I kind of have to say that.
4 months ago today my mom went home to Jesus. 29 years ago today, my mom gave birth to me. I cannot go through this day without thinking about her. For one, because she's my mom...she had a really big part in this day from the start . And 2, mom LOVED birthdays, so I really miss her a lot this day.
As dad and I sat at the table last night after dinner, we talked about mom a lot. I talked about how hard having this birthday is without her. It's another big "first" to conquer. It was good to talk about it with one who really understands how hard it is. We also talked about how much mom loved birthdays and how I know in my heart she would want me loving this day as much as I always have. Mom instilled in me the same love of birthdays. I know I'm an adult and most adults stop liking birthdays at some point; but not I. I've always been like a kid for every birthday-mine, my kids, Michael's, all my friends...I love them. I have not looked forward to this one for me. Not because of age, but because of the strong absence of mom. But i am determined to try to find the joys in it still. So today I blog about the memories I have with mom on my birthday and those sorts of things.
I was born July 20, 1982 just after 8 in the evening. I am a buckwheat baby, as dad nicknamed me on that day. I am called that because Dad was out in the field sowing buckwheat when mom went into labor. So I became his buckwheat girl.
I fell in love with snoopy at a very young age. So mom started making me Snoopy cakes. She made them from scratch and then she looked a picture of Snoopy and cut the cake like Snoopy's head and frosted it to be like his face. I can't even tell you how many Snoopy cakes I had. I've thought a lot about those lately. Mom also bought me a Snoopy card pretty much every year-even last year. I still have that card, and I am glad I kept it.I tried to find my pictures with the Snoopy cakes and couldn't-I'll have to dig deeper through my storage boxes and see what I can find.
Mom always let me choose what I wanted for dinner (as well as my cake). I always chose tacos. I love tacos, but we rarely, if ever, had them, so that was always my choice of dinner. Mom made a big deal out of each of our birthdays. We always hand made birthday signs growing up. They hung on our dining room mirror. Usually I made them for the others growing up, but on my birthday, Mom made them.
I have many memories of birthdays growing up. Lots of fun parties. But 2 of the birthdays that stand out among the others are my 16th and my 18th. On my 16th birthday, instead of a party, I wanted to go to the Football Hall of Fame. We went, and I have pictures of us there-unfortunately, mom was the one taking all the pictures, so she's not in them. On my 18th birthday, mom and dad took me to a dinner theatre. We saw Cinderella. That is a special memory I have with them, too.
It's impossible to go through this day without thinking of my mom and missing her. She was my best friend. She gave birth to me. I miss her. The day is different without her. But as dad and I talked last night, mom would want me to enjoy this day, so I am giving it my best. I could write pages and pages on this. I am not , however, looking for sympathy for this day or for extra birthday wishes. I am just sharing why this day is so hard for me, at the same time as being one of my favorite days.One day at a time...and this is a big day to take in slowly and one minute at a time.