Today as I was running, I had these thoughts pop into my mind, so I decided I'd put them down in my blog. It may seem angry to some, but I'll tell you now, these are not angry statements. I am passionate. And you will probably hear my passion come out through these words. I didn't discover some of my passions unitl the last 4 years or so, which is typical, i guess, to discover passions in your mid 20s. Anyway, literally, these statements came into my mind today.
-Don't tell me I can't run a full marathon-it's not your body or your race or your journey.
-Don't tell me all the negative marriage statistics-I have a commitment I am keeping, through thick and thin.
-Don't tell me I'm stupid-I just need to make my own mistakes and learn. That's how I grow.
-Don't tell me my beliefs are empty-I have only survived hard times BECAUSE of God.I will not force you to listen to me or believe my beliefs. I will pray for you. but don't tell me mine are empty.
-Don't tell me I'm fat or I've gained weight-I know that. You don't know my circumstances.
-Don't tell me depression is just an emotion that you can change-You are not walking in my shoes. It's not just as simple as saying "ok, I'll change my attitude."
-Don't tell me just to breathe or get over it if I am having an anxiety attack- you have no idea how much I hate it and would love to be able to just breathe through it and be done.
-Don't tell me I can't-with God I can do all things!!!
-Don't tell me to be over my grief-my mom was my best friend and life is different and there will be a lot of moments I will mis her and cry and be sad. Let me. It's how I will get through and eventually be stronger. and maybe be able to help someone else through something.
-I am Rachael Elizabeth Ferguson McKinney.
-I am a wife.
-I am a mom of 2.
-I am a runner.
-I am an employee .
-I am passionate about fighting cancer.
-I am a farm girl at heart.
-I am a woman, not a child.
But most importantly, and do not miss my saying that this is the most important identity I carry...
-I AM A CHILD OF GOD. and He loves me. Regardless of my grief, my screw ups, my bad moments, my sicknesses, my bad days. He loves me when I have good days, when I work hard, when I run with the passion of remembering that this life is a race for the ULTIMATE prize. He teaches me to be a strong independant woman, at the same time of being a respecting wife and leading mom. He holds me when I cry and understands my sadnesses when no one else can. I am His child. Forever.
I have some other things to say. Things that are on my mind strongly about my mom the last few days. But for today, the above thoughts are what I need to say and leave be. I'll post again tomorrow. Stay tuned for "little reminders."