July 1 started out with my younger brother's birthday. July ends with my older sister's birthday. We celebrated tonight. Smash my older brother and me there in the middle and it's been a month (for me) of a lot of remembering. I want to say very loud that my husband did a tremendous job of loving on me this birthday. Really, he always does , but he knew how difficult this birthday was for me. He displayed much patience with me during my tearful and emotional moments, and displayed deep kindness and thoughtfulness by getting a Snoopy cake made for me among other things . Though there was a deep hole without mom, the day was enjoyable.
So July is about to come to a close. I made it through another "first". There will be so many of those moments in this first year. I suppose that's why they say it's the hardest year to get through. July is my favorite month of the year for many reasons. I can hardly believe it's almost gone . There have been many moments in the last few weeks I've really wanted to call my mom and have mom/daughter/best friend talks. It's a void no one can fill but mom. I'm reading a book about losing a mom and processing that and life afterwards and one of the things it talks about is how while there are always people to encourage you, no one does it like a mom. Mom is the one who cleaned up the scraped knees, cared for me through many sore throats and surgeries, loved me when i was wrong and millions of other examples....a good friend comes close, but it'll never be the same. my very close friend here gets subjected so often to those conversations, phone calls and texts. I am very thankful for her in my life. She was a placement by God in my life. She is an "aunt" to our kids and has been there for me and my kids each step of the way. There are a few people like that-ones I can call on at any time.
I"m not really sure how I launched into all that. Really I just felt the need to blog today and wasn't even sure what I wanted to say or if it was even really worth while.
Allow me to talk about my training a little bit. Really I should be in bed since I'll be up at 4:30 to run, but like I said, I had this crazy need to blog tonight. I have less than 60 days til I run my full marathon! It's taking more and more of my time to train, which I knew it would. I am going to be glad to do this race. I think I will also be glad when it is finished. It is part of my grief process. It's also because I need to do it. But Each mile I add, though I"m doing fine through them, it's taking more time and so I look forward to that part of it passing. However, the more miles I add, the better I feel about finishing. This weekend I will be doing my run on Saturday.That way I can have all day Sunday to enjoy my family and not worry about having to get up at 5 am to run! I am learning new things about myself through this journey, just as I did when I first started running. It's neat how that works. I'm learning new things about my spritual walk as well. God shows up in some really neat ways on those runs. Sometimes it's through the nature of the morning. Sometimes it's through the quiet. Sometimes it's when I really feel like quitting. But He's showing me new things through this experience.
I'm still loving my job. That's not something I typically blog about and I really don't have much to say about it. It's nice to not feel stressed . That's helping me in many ways. I'm getting to know the ones I work with more now and that's really good, too. All new things take time. Humble beginnings, as I have thought of them lately.
I think I should get myself off to bed now. Usually I'll be blogging about what's on my heart. But if there's something you'd like to know, drop me a comment here. Or on my facebook page.
Tomorrow is a new day. One more day working through grief. One more new day to enjoy as well. Taking life one day at a time.