Still all the same pieces are there, it just looks a bit different. And perhaps to our eyes, the difference is minimal, but perhaps to the creatures living in the water or in that section of the world, the shift greatly affects their world.
That is the term I have found myself using often in the last few weeks.
Shift.
My life has taken a great shift.
To find the right words to describe it has been difficult, which is why I have sat on this blog for days. And yet, I've never been one to allow writers block or strong emotions to stop me from pouring out my heart. I think too much at times, I am told, and this would be an accurate statement. I need to just let it flow a little better. And so ready or not, here it is.
I have been experiencing a great shift in life lately. A new view of myself. A new view of life and who God has made me to be and what I am capable of doing. A shift in my career.
Ultimately, the job opportunity is becoming so much more than that for me. Finding a position to be going on a path of my dream job has opened up much more inside my heart and mind that I was not prepared to come with the change/shift. The job opportunity within the marathon office shifted one "plate" (to go along with the terms of the continental shift), which in essence shifts another one. Those shifts have created the capabilities inside of me to become more evident, dreams more profound, goals more defined, and desires to grow deeper.
Everyone experiences change in life. Change is the one constant thing, I like to say. We can always count on changes happening in life. I once was so opposed to change I would cringe at the thought of it. I have learned to embrace it because with change comes growth, and with growth comes opportunity. I have been living this the last few weeks.
I said I have found new capabilities inside of me. Those would be simple things like - finding my way around a totally unfamiliar area without panicking or calling someone. I simply just say I'll do it and I do. It might take a few extra minutes, but the end result for me is rewarding. I have always called myself computer stupid in a lot of ways. I am discovering that while I am not a genius, I can/am overcoming that fear because it is part of what I do now. And I love it. Why was I always so afraid of that? I have to humble myself and ask a lot of questions, but those are great opportunities to learn. I have discovered that in spite of what I have often said to myself or believed, I am not stupid and I can do so much more than I ever thought. I'm not just making coffee (not to diminish that; just to say that now I am doing something on a larger scale I never thought possible), I am in a career, not a job. There is a difference. I have discovered a new sense of beauty. This is a struggle for me to share and to write, yet it has been part of my journey lately. I have never been one to look in a mirror and see beautiful. In fact, I usually see the opposite. I tend to belittle myself and be on the side of insecure. I am far from being secure in this area, but I have made significant shifts in this area of life lately. Perhaps a piece of it comes from the ability to wear clothes I want to wear for the first time in 7 years. But honestly, beauty does not come from clothing at all. Beauty comes from within. And I believe that for the first time in many years, I am looking at myself the way God does and always has. He sees my heart, not my past or what my job is or who my friends are- He sees into me for who I am. He wants me to recognize those same traits and he is always trying to show that to me, but for so long I have allowed people and past and circumstances to dictate how I see my own self. So many of us do that, to be honest. It's a human fault and one hard to overcome in a healthy manner. Yet, this shift is one which God is bringing that out to the surface from inside. The true beauty bubbling over, having nothing to do with what I am wearing or how my hair looks or what size I am. I have struggled with this for years, but this shift has created a new lens through which I can now look. A new lens of beauty. A true sense of worth; which is invaluable once found in the right manner. This makes me happier than I have been in a long time because I am not living on a scale of what I think I should be or what another says I should be or what society portrays should be. I am living the me God created me to be. That is true beauty, by His grace alone.
With the shift comes dreams more profound in my heart and goals more defined. Dreams of developing my own 5K into an event much larger than its current status, which in essence, will grow mom's scholarship, which will in essence, help more students down the road. It's my dream taking a new shape. Dreams of teaching my kids that they, too, can do anything they put their mind to. I never thought I would be a working mom. But once I accepted that idea, I began to view it differently, and here I am now doing a career I never thought would be mine. What started as a hobby/passion/dream is becoming a reality. I long for my kids to see if they reach for the stars, it is possible. Working full time as a mom doesn't have to have a bad connotation to it. There are positives to be found and lessons to be taught. This shift has shown that in a new light. Goals of growing within my position and learning and doing and being able to accomplish more within the career field. Goals I did not know existed. I went from a position that had no room for movement into a place I not only love, but have room to grow. This gives me goals to strive towards. (In case you did not know, I am a goal setter!)
This continental shift of life has brought about exciting opportunities. And for those wondering, I absolutely love my job and all that I am learning and get the opportunity to do each day in the race industry. I am no fool; I know there will be bumps and days I do not always embrace these newfound truths and goals and excitement. But that is okay. Those days will come and I will embrace them as much as I am embracing these exciting ones. This is a new journey for me, with a path that may be unknown, but holds more potential than I have seen in a long while in myself and for my family. One day at a time, of course.
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