Sunday, September 29, 2013

Humble Lessons

Over the last week, I have started 3 different posts.
 I have stared at the screen, piecing my thoughts together, only to have them fall apart or be interrupted.
  Writing is one of my passions, and yet, as life has been quite full lately, I have struggled to pursue it and make it happen. Not for lack of want, but for lack of time and putting my priorities in order. Even today, as I sit here, I am at a loss for how to put my words together of what is in my heart and what I want to say.

 And so, I will just share a bit of my heart and what I am learning. Perhaps next time there will be something more profound to share.

~John 15:5-"Apart from Me you can do nothing." Jesus said that. I am learning that.
         Anytime recently I have even attempted to do something on my own strength, plan , or energy, it falls apart somehow or does not come together in a neat, tidy bow.  I am in the midst of the heat of my "ahem..." God's 5K memory of my mom. Times I have attempted to do something with it on my own idea or accord, I become frustrated. I have seen this. Yet when I stop and give it to Him and put Him in the middle, I see an answer. Sometimes, that answer is "no" other times, it comes together beautifully. Regardless of the answer, I see Him in the midst of it.  And it truly is HIS 5K, not mine. At times, I have to be humbly reminded of this.

 ~Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.  (2 Cor. 12:9) 
Boasting about my weakness is a struggle for me, I will not even pretend it is not. I don't like my weakness... seriously, who does?? But my weakness comes in the form of anxiety. It isn't easily seen; I hide it well. The weakness of anxiety has made huge strides towards disappearing all together from my life, and I have been working to be totally off the medicine I've had to take for it. Yet just when I think it may be totally gone, there may be a small flare up of it. (Perhaps because of a large event pending and when I try to take control of it, God reminds me of my weakness so that I utterly depend on Him through it all. )  I cannot overcome the anxiety on my own. It will have to be a God oriented healing. Anxiety is often misunderstood by our culture, and deserves blogs all of its own. The point is, I wrestle with the beast of it. Anxiety is my weakness. My reminder that His power works through that. One day I may say I don't have it at all, I believe. But for now, I am reminded that He is all I need. I cannot do anything on my own strength. And I will BOAST in that fact.  Yes, I have anxiety more often than I'd care to admit. BUT guess what?? HE is stronger than it! And because of that I shout with joy at His strength! No matter what.....

    And those are just 2 lessons to recap what's been in my heart the last week as I have been daily working on His 5K coming in just 2 weeks. 
 I am a work in progress, a pot being molded by Him. Sometimes He has to smash me and start all over again, but that is what is so beautiful about His workmanship... and His mercies being new every day.... One day at a time. I will keep running the race for Him as I press on toward the ultimate goal: Life with Him day at a time. 

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