I cross the paths of many people every day in my job. I hear many stories. Stories of successes and stories of sadness. Stories of brokenness and stories of healing. I have listened to joys expressed and I have hugged crying friends. It's a part of my job I really enjoy. But I suppose it's more rare to find me sharing my story with those, and that's really ok. It's part of why I write. In a blog of a close friend whom I follow (www.iwokeupyesterday.com) she says "I write to understand as much as be understood." I love that quote. I think I do the same.
What's really been on my heart lately is insecurity. It's a vicious battle. It's a battle many of us women fight. (I know men really fight it too, and I am certainly not discounting that, to those of you men who also read this.) But it's been an in my face battle lately, and it's not one which I openly talk about with many. So as crazy as this is, I choose to write about it here.
I battle insecurity horribly. It's a really awful feeling to have. I have to fight constant thoughts of not being good enough or thoughts of people not likeing me for who I am. There are days this battle is a fierce one. This week happened to be not just one of those days, but several in a row.
Many things can cause insecurities: weight gain, fights, job loss or job failure, words said, (words not said), mistakes made, moving and losing friends, changing jobs, etc, etc, etc..... the list goes on and on. I know what lies at the root of mine most of the time, and most of the time it is: LIES. Things I've seen or said or heard that I say to myself often enough that I believe that I'm not good enough. And I've had enough of it.
I am fighting back. I've been told that at times I say things but don't follow through. Enough of that. I will overcome this battle, but I am not so silly as to think it will happen quickly. It's been years building.
Sometimes it's media telling me I'm not pretty enough or thin enough. (LIE). The TRUTH is this: 1 Samuel 16:7, "For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. "
Sometimes it is hurtful words I have heard. (LIES) The TRUTH is this: God loves me for who I am. All the broken, all the sins and wrongs, all the yucky things. I am Redeemed. Colossians 1:14, "in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins."
Sometimes it's just failure (or how I view it) of time management. LIE. The TRUTH is this. Each day is new, each day I have a choice of how I spend my time. Do I do this perfectly every day? No. But the TRUTH is this: Prov. 16:3 "Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established." Also, 1 Cor, 10:31 "Whatsoever ye do , whether it is eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God."
The list goes on and on, but those are just a few of the things I am working on replacing in my heart and mind. There are plenty of positive words said to me as well. But sad to say, insecurity rules those out sometimes. And it's time that ends. I know it will be a daily battle, but I am ready to squelch it and take back me:) the wonderful woman God has created me to be.
I AM REDEEMED.
I AM COMPLETE IN CHRIST.
I AM LOVED.
I AM A WIFE.
I AM A CHILD.
I AM A MOM.
I AM A BARISTA.
I AM A RUNNER.
I AM BEAUTIFUL TO GOD.
I AM HIS. THE DAUGHTER OF A KING.
Now those are truths remembering. One day at a time.
On that note, with music being something I love, I thought I'd include these lyrics to a song I absolutely love right now. It's Called "Do Everything" By Stephen Curtis Chapman. I wanted to post the video on here, but I'm not computer savvy, so the lyrics is the best you get. If you can listen to the song itself, it will bless you. But in the mean time, here are the words to it:
Your picking up toys on the living room floor for the 15th time today
Matching up socks
Sweeping up lost cheerios that got away
You put a baby on your hip
Color on your lips and head out the door
While I may not know you,
I bet I know you
Wonder sometimes, does it matter at all?
Well let me remind you, it all matters just as long
(chorus) As you do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you,
Cause he made you,
To do
Every little thing that you do
To bring a smile to His face
Tell the story of grace
With every move that you make
And every little thing you do
Maybe your that guy with the suit and tie
Maybe your shirt says your name
You may be hooking up mergers
Cooking up burgers
But at the end of the day
Little stuff
Big stuff
In between stuff
God sees it all the same
While I may not know you
I bet I know you
Wonder sometimes, does it matter at all?
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/s/steven+curtis+chapman/do+everything_20976410.html ]
Well let me remind you, it all matters just as long as (back to chorus)
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