Saturday, October 8, 2011

to honor honor God

well, i just tucked two very tired kids into bed. i also am not far behind them. but if i don't sit down and blog tonight i probably will not rest well because my mind is so full.
  so, i'm going to detail out the day and the emotions for you. this 5k was set up to honor be done in her memory...but ultimately to honor God. that's what mom did with her whole life. she really honored God. was a tribute to her and a testimony and tribute to God, too.
  the alarm went off at 5 and i sleepily hit it, but knew i needed to get up and get moving. today was a big day! i got up and worked on last minute details and packed up the truck. my cousin, ezra, was staying with us, so he helped too. we walked out the door at 6 am and went a picked up a cambro of coffee (thank goodness...i was in need!). then we went and picked up some delicious donuts for all the volunteers and family and whoever else,really. we drove out to cedarville to begin set up. soon the CU cross country team showed up to help. They were a huge blessing to us! They were a huge part of the success, as they provided our time clocks and helped with set up and did all kinds of little things. it was a bit chilly before the sun came up, but we all warmed up as the day went a long.
  around 8 or so people started trickling in, little by little. it was fun to know most of the people who came out to do the event today. lots of hugs were given (which i really enjoyed! i am a hugger...and today was all the more reason for them) there were a few times i began to feel the tears come on. Once it was just a matter of set up being done and me just kind of standing there taking in what was really happening. Once it was one of mom's good friends showing up to give a donation. Once it was when the prayer was happening before the little moments i held it together, but barely.
 mom would've loved today. the weather was her favorite and it was beautiful! i could not have asked for a better day. it kind of had mom written all over it. i am so thankful.  at 9, we started the lineup and our pastor did the opening prayer. he did a great was really honoring to God...and a really special prayer. i could barely NOT cry through it, but i managed to be ok, which s good , because as soon as the prayer was done, it was time for me to sound the air horn.
 i really cannot believe that i was the "director" of the event, and ihad the privilege of starting it off. Alittle unreal....
  There were about 50 runners there today. I feel really good about that. I wish I could sit and name each one here....because each person means something to me in some way. But i'd leave someone out or something, so I will say this: i had people come from all areas of my life...friends from growing up who helped raise me through church and sunday school and who knew mom very closely; people who were runner friends; people i work with; customers at my current job/ and one customer from my previous job; friends from relay for life.... people who loved mom. it was amazing. I loved watching them take off, and I loved being there to cheer them on as they crossed. it was very different from running a race....being on the other side of it was really neat today. I LOVED it! i loved watching it all unfold. I loved how it all came together. I loved learning through this process. I loved the day. scary to say... i may have found a new passion.
  it was awesome cheering them across the finish line. as the event began to wrap up, it was fun mingling a little bit more with each person. and it was fun giving out door prizes. and it was fun taking all kinds of pictures.
 as people began leaving and we cleaned up, we all headed back to the farm. as i counted all that we'd collected, i learned something that blew me away...are you ready for this?? this is ONLY by the grace of God that this happened...
 we raised 3,000$!!!!!
 what a neat tribute. to God. to mom. I cannot wait to see the student who will be the recipient.
Then as the day kept on, we enjoyed some family time. we spent the afternoon talking and catching up with family from out of town. I spent some time thanking the businesses in town and also catching up with our best friends (who are really family) who came in for the event. a bit later we all went out to young's and celebrated with food and fun. as a family, we ate, we laughed, we fed goats, and we hit balls in the batting cages.( oh, and i forgot to say, that along the way the kids did take a short nap in the car. )
 for the first time in a very long time i felt like...i'm going to be ok. oh, i will still have my bad days. my grief is far from over. but today i felt like- it's going to be ok. i can do this. life is so different. but there are many ways to remember mom that are positive. oh, i have to cry still. i have to grieve. and i'm sure i will have really bad days still. but....this was a really good start to healing yet even more. healing is coming along...little by little.
 i know it would probably seem crazy to say this....but i am going to anyway. i really felt mom around me all day today .  i felt God's presence all around me today. and both were things i needed. mom will always be with me. and maybe, just maybe, i can help carry out her legacy a little more.
 so ...there will be another 5k next year and i already have ideas rolling with it to improve it.
   i don't know what tomorrow will bring. or other days this week. but today was a good one and i will give God all the glory for that!  one day at a time....

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