Well, I did it. I am officially registered for my first full marathon. It'll be September 24. Scares me to death, actually. I may be biting off more than I can chew this time. But I am going to give it my all. I seem to work well having new goals. I've learned the hard way I sometimes set too many, too quickly. All with good intentions, but sometimes I end up looking like a fool for saying I'll do something and then not following through on it (ie-weight loss....) but there is no backing out of this. I am signed up and paid. I WILL be running a full marathon in the fall! I am actually really excited about it, too.
So I have developed a training plan that works for my life-and my family. It's really tough actually. However, it is doable, and I am determined. Sunday mornings have become my long run days. And each week I am adding miles on to what I did the previous Sunday. I love those morning runs. there have been a few where I've only been focused on my time and distance. And while that is important, I don't want to lose the joy I have in running. Last Sunday, I set out on the path at 6:30 am. It was a beautiful morning. A tad foggy, and high 60s, and perfect for running. As I started out, I saw a cardinal; then a blue jay; and then a robin; and plenty other birds as well. It was peaceful and really enjoyable. As I ran, the more birds I saw, the more I thought of my mom as I ran.
Mom loved birds. Probably because her mom loved birds. We had giant windows in our house growing up, and mom loved to watch the birds flying in front of the windows. We had a cardinal that lived in a bush next to my brother's window. That silly cardinal would all the time try to fly into the house and hit his window. Outside mom's window, there was often a blue jay that was there. We had a woodpecker that lived in a tree on the side of the house (until the tree got cut down). Mom used to often quote the verse found in Matthew about how God provides for the birds, He would also provide for us. We are not to worry. She was so amazing about following that verse. Even in her last days. Me, on the other hand, I have a long way to go on that. Anyway, I also think of mom too, because I told her I would do this race. And now here I am, in the middle of training, just months away from that. I will likely run the race with mom in my mind the entire time. She never gave up, really. And so neither will I. This endeavor is another good learning experience for me. I am excited to see what I learn about myself in the process. I usually grow through my runs. Spiritually, mentally, and physically. This time is no different. As I keep working through my grief, this is yet another minor coping mechanism for me.
To switch gears, I would just like to say how much I love my new job. Everyone is so nice-what a contrast from what was happening in more recent months in my job situation. I am really happy in this change. Some say that making a major life change in the midst of grief is not wise. This job change, though, has been the best change I've made in months. I'm on my own a lot, which is really great actually. But there are 8 others who I work with every day-just they are mostly in the kitchen. The lady who trained me is the one with whom I have the most interaction, and I love her. She's a lot of fun. Direct, but so very encouraging and fun. It's really funny, I am either called nellie jr. or we are called the coffee twins, or i am nellie's twin (her name is Nellie). She and I laugh so hard over this. It's true, we look a lot a like from behind. Same hight, same hair style, same build. We take a lot of joking about it. But she's great. So is my new boss. And so are my customers. Little by little I am gettig to know people. It's beena very healthy change. It's been a good distraction from grief, although I am very much still grieving. It's just more private lately , I guess.
I suppose I'll keep blogging about my training and how that's going. Training is a lifetime process, really. If I'm not training for a marathon, I'm training for something else. So is everyone, whether they realize it or not. so I'll keep talking about that. And about mom. Because even though she is gone, she is very much still a part of my training process. I miss her so much. And I wish that on days when I am down about my runs or ...whatever...that she were there for me to talk to about it. But her words are still in my heart and mind, so I hold onto those all the time.
In the meantime, I will take my training and my grief one day at a time. And thank God for getting me through each day.