Saturday, June 18, 2011

my dad

Usually I am blogging about my mom. Talking about my mom helps me a lot to work through the grief process I am still very much in the midst of. However, today i want to dedicate my blog to my dad. Of course, there will be sentences entwined to the blog about mom, because it's hard to mention one without the other.
 My dad is really just as amazing as my mom was, only in different ways. When I was young, dad used to pick me up by my arms and legs, swing me into my bed, singing "one for the money, 2 for the show, 3 to get ready, here we go!" and he'd throw me into my bed. That is a favorite childhood memory with my dad. I also remember many fall combine rides. Or dad teaching me how to drive-first on the tractors and then in the truck. My dad is 66, and one of the hardest workers I know. He taught me amazing things about a hard work ethic. Nothing was really ever just handed to me. Dad taught me how to work for it. Mind you, I never went without, and I really never had to ask-if it was needed, mom knew and we found a way to get it. But dad taught me how to work hard. I credit much of my work world success to my dad. I put my all into my jobs-whatever the hat might be that i wear in a moment-and dad showed me that. Dad has an incredible work ethic. Dad has great smile lines, too. Also evidence of his and mom's wonderful life together. Dad loves a good joke. He has the "Ferguson" sense of humor, as we call it. Not everyone laughs at his jokes or gets them, but I do, and I have been blessed to have that same sense of humor. Dad is a prayer warrior. He's a quiet one. He doesn't publicize that he's doing it. But I can remember many times seeing Dad with his well worn Bible, studying for a lesson and praying. Dad loves kids as much as mom did. He loves to play games and get down on the floor with my kids. He loves keeping them overnight. He loves to read to them. He loves showing them new things. Dad is really a wonderful Papa, as much as he is a dad. I can remember huge sacrifices dad made for our family growing up-things that I really didn't understand as a 14 year old. Now I do, and man, does it still touch my heart. He is humble and he loves everyone. Everyone loves dad. As much as they loved mom. Together their names were like one word-Roger and LInda. The pastor said that at mom's funeral, and I really liked that because it was very true. They were a beautiful picture of marriage. Dad is probably one of the very few who really understands my grief. He is one of the very few I cry with still over mom. As hard as it sometimes is to talka bout mom, we do a lot. Usually it brings some tears,  but dad is strong. He is doing really great through all this change. Mom did all the house stuff for dad their 39 years of marriage. and when I say all of it, I am not exaggerating. So now, dad is learning to cook. And clean.  And I am so proud of him. Mom was always my hero. Always . And always will be. but now my dad is falling  into that role, too, as we spend more and more time together. I used to talk to my mom every day. Now I talk to dad every day. Yes, it's quite different, but it is also really wonderful. I respect and admire him greatly. And I am so proud to have him as my dad. Mom used to roll her eyes and dad's and my interaction at times, because he and I really are so much alike. One day in the hospital, dad was sick and needed to go to a dr. appointment scheduled for that day. yet on that same day, we were also meeting with hospice to sign some important papers. I kept really trying to get dad to leave to go to his doctor. He kept insisting he'd change it ( he already had). we went back and forth on this, and mom rolled her eyes and said "Oh brother you two" That's because we are a lot alike. Things I find myself doing so often are just like my dad, it's crazy. I love him. And I am so thankful for him. And he has set a great example to me through this time of grief. Through all of life, really. I think I just looked to mom so often as that example that it overshadowed all of what my dad means to me. I am thankful that we are now discovering a new friendship. I love my dad and I am so thankful for him.
 I miss my mom a lot still, and getting through the emotions is such a tough thing still. Having a new job has helped distract me somewhat from the grief. It's been a welcome distraction (the new job is amazing, by the way, and exactly what I needed. It's awesome how God always knows the right thing for the right time.) but the sadness is creeping in again. Tomorrow is another milestone of sorts. Yes, father's day is no where near being as emotional as mother's day. But it is another family day, and another family day without my mom. It still hurts with every heartbeat in me. Monday will mark 3 months of mom being gone. Some days it feels like it's been forever. And other days, it feels like just yesterday. I miss her so much. But....I still have my dad, and I am thankful for that. Mom held on as long as she did partly for my dad's sake. She worried a lot about how life would be for him after,  I believe. I tell her that he's doing fine, because he really is. LIke I said, I'm very proud of my dad. And as much as I would deny it most any day, I always kind of was my daddy's little girl..... it's kind of special, really. So happy father's day to a very special dad!

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