Reasons to Run

In light of my running adventures, so much could be spoken this morning of reasons I love getting up at 4 am to experience a few miles on the quiet, beaten path.
 Some moments, though, words are no justice for what a picture of beauty can portray.  Only in God's beautifully created world can I experience starting out in the dark of the morning with raindrops tickling my skin, move into the humidity of the morning, hear the bubbling of the river next to me, drink in the beauty of a double rainbow and then end with a gorgeous sunrise blazing around me.
   I love my morning runs and every small wink of sleep I may sacrifice for it is totally worth it on a day such as today.
 

 Happy Friday. 

The Chef

In my years as a barista, I worked in 3 different locations. As I thought about my experiences in each place, and have been recalling stories about the day to day life of coffee, I cannot work through those experiences without referring to the different bosses I have had. No one person is the same, and thus, no boss runs a business the same way. Therefore, each experience I had with 4 different bosses warrants some attention. Because they have played a part in shaping me as much as (likely, more so than) the customers. And so I will recall the previous years of bosses....

                                                  The Chef
  My last coffee shop employer was actually a kitchen, not a solo coffee  shop. This was a new experience for me, moving from Starbucks. Thus, my boss was a chef. He knew about coffee, but his specialty, by nature, was cooking. For me, that was intimidating to some degree in the beginning because, if you know me, I am not a cook. I used to joke that there was a reason I was in the coffee shop and not the kitchen. David would be just as likely to join in that banter. Although by the end of my days, I'd made good progress in learning some basic kitchen (and food, in general) knowledge. I could not go into a kitchen and get a job, mind you, but I'd say David helped me learn a lot in that realm of things. 
  
  David was an Australian with a vibrancy and strong view of life that you just don't find in many others. Upon my first interactions with David, I had to concentrate a little when he talked because of his thick Australian accent. I loved being dismissed at the end of the day with a "Cheers!"  instead of a simple "have a good night."  He knew all kinds of things of which I had no clue about, some of which included fashion, vocabulary, world events and of course, food. He sang silly songs that stuck in your head all day.  And he knew what he wanted to see accomplished in a days work. 

 But David lent me a unique experience in the coffee world. As time passed, he gave me quite a bit of liberty within my realm of the coffee shop. The HearBeat Cafe was the name of our establishment.  One day, between the two of us,(and to be quite honest, I have no idea who started the conversation of this need) we decided we needed new blenders, and from that idea grew a whole new idea of sorts. Somehow, from that grew the inspiration to remodel the HeartBeat Cafe. I was privileged enough to be a part of this new layout and idea. One neat aspect about this was that,  not being in a management position at all, I really did not have to be included in the process. And yet David always made sure I was. He took time to make sure I was included in what was going on, and even consult my ideas on the matter. He made sure, as my boss, that I, as the sole barista, had a part in it all. He gave me much credit where it wasn't really deserved. I was a barista, but the freedom he allowed me to have in what I could do in my job- and even encouraged- pushed me in new ways I didn't discover immediately. 

 Sometimes people would joke about "how do you work for him?" not because he was mean, but more because he would say silly things and at times, people were not sure how to take him on those things. Truth of the matter is, I enjoyed my years under the chef. Sometimes my response to his silly statements would be "I'm not sure what to say" and I would just move on.  But honestly, I learned much about myself in working with him. I've always enjoyed working hard- I don't just say that, I truly enjoy it. But in so doing under his management , I learned to express myself more creatively because I was given the freedom to do so, and that my creative side was not bad. I learned that what was within me, already engrained in who I was(am), were strong qualities that could be built upon to carry me far in who/what I wanted to be. I was pushed by him in some ways in my knowledge of coffee, but even more so in expanding my knowledge of what I already knew and what was within me that could be built upon to use in my job. I also learned much about dealing with conflicting situations  from him. And upon telling David I would be leaving not just as his employee, but the coffee world overall, he was one of my biggest encouragers in the matter, recognizing I was going to enter a new passion, a new world and one which he saw the potential of what I could reach. While he never understood my love of running,  he did not try to convince me to stay, but instead encouraged the dream he could see in my eyes as I shared what my next move would be. 

 The chef was my boss for 3 years, but he also became my friend. I think more than learning about coffee in that position, I learned about life (and food), and my experience within that kitchen is one that will not be forgotten. Unique to the coffee world; unique as part of my story in shaping me to continue moving forward. 

Like a Thief in the Night

 Have you ever watched a movie where a thief in the night came and took the home by surprise? Or perhaps you have even experienced that yourself? Being totally caught off guard by one?
   Yesterday,  I compared grief in my life to a thief in the night.
 Grief can often times catch me by surprise, when I am least expecting it. Yesterday was such a moment for me.
 I have an empathetic heart. I feel what others feel. Really and truly. Some moments that is good, other times it can be a challenge. When a person I know loses someone close to them, I feel it, and that grief wraps around me and catches me off guard like a thief in then night. The freshness of what it is to lose a loved one pushes back in. This transpires in a different way each time, but nonetheless, is resurrected. I was struck by a moment like that yesterday when a person I don't even know all that well lost her dad; the waves of remembrance washed over me like the tide coming in.
  The moments of those remembrances were coupled with a task I did later in the day as well. I was cleaning out a space at (mom/and) dad's house, and the grief snuck in on me in an unexpected manner, and took me by surprise. I found myself standing in the middle of the room, holding papers that were lined with mom's handwriting, tears falling freshly. The papers, I know, had not been touched since she'd lost her handwriting skills in the last months. I sifted through them one by one, even though they were not of significant value. The pages simply had names on them, but nonetheless, the penmanship of mom brought about reminders of what I no longer have in the moment- mom's words. Her neat penmanship being rediscovered yesterday in a new fashion was like hearing her laughter surround me, knowing that at the moment of what she was writing, she was most likely also laughing and enjoying herself. I was taken back to a moment in time, which I did not even experience, but by the simple crisp cursive of my mom, I could see the moment.  Among those papers, I also found one of mom's song books. She had a friend with whom she would get together and they would sing scripture. It was mom's way of memorizing God's words. I can remember doing tasks around the house and hearing the two of them sit at the table, going over these songs and discussing what the scripture meant. In finding this book, I paged through it and could hear mom's voice, another beautiful moment that also brought fresh tears. Mom loved to sing, and in her last months had lost that ability, but often times I would sit by her side and sing to her. In the pages of the book, were dates lightly scripted. Mom recorded the days she would "memorize" that scripture. The next book lying under the songbook was a favorite of my mom's. The Teenie Weenies , it is called. That was a book mom would read to us as kids time and again. So much so all the pages are falling out. It happened to be book her mom read to her. The year? 1917. It was my grandmother's book originally. I was wrapped in moments of memories for a short time, sifting through a pile of mom's things, and caught off guard by the surprise of grief. 3 years have passed since mom has gone, and that grief still finds its crevices. It creeps in or sometimes startles me like the thief would, in ways I least expect.
  Grief is like that. A Thief in the night. Comes to steal a moment when it's least expected. I used to hate that, but I have come to accept it. It's part of the process of healing. It is part of the journey of growth. If you have never experienced grief, it is a difficult concept to grasp. It would be like telling one who had their house robbed they could just use insurance to replace the things stolen. But sometimes things... or in the case of grief, a person or memory.... is irreplaceable. Without a value or price tag.
  But just as the tide washes in and out during the day, those moments of grief also wash away and pass. Instead of sitting like a festering pool of water, they move with the cycle of life, and that is how it should be. A moment stolen in time, a reason to pause and have a moment for a tear, and then smile over the remembrance of what mom has left for us to find, without her or us even knowing those things would become a significant pause for a moment in the day. That's the nature of grief- it will catch one by surprise, hold its moment in time and then fade away, never really knowing when it might creep back in. The moment of tears yesterday has turned to a now reason to smile and remember. And for that, I am grateful for uncovering the simple sheets of paper and books yesterday and being taken by surprise, like a thief in the night, and like the waves of the ocean that come and go.

Happy Father's Day

My dad has taught me much about inner strength and determination. He has set an example my entire life about hard work and strong ethics to a job. Dad holds to positivity and faith in all that he does. He loved my mom with his whole being and always strived to show it to her in ways that some would say are unconventional, but to me, as his child, it was written in every bit of his actions.  He cared for her to the very end and displayed true love to mom to all who saw, but I was privileged enough to witness it firsthand daily.
    My dad tells silly jokes that don't make sense to a lot of others, but leave me laughing for long moments. Dad loves to have fun. He has a heart for people and service. Dad is wise and he is brave.
   He's a farmer to the core.
  He is a man of few words, but lots of wisdom and love.
     When he and I would be together often times with mom, we'd be having a discussion or something of the sorts and my mom would roll her eyes at us and say "Oh, brother, you two!" Because we were so much alike.
  I can always count on my dad. He plays on the floor with the kids, he allows me to talk when I am upset, he supports my goals and dreams and he loves unconditionally. I am thankful for my dad and all he has and still does instill in me.

Dad's sense of humor showing through with mom in their early years

Dad holding me 

One of my favorite photos of my dad. I found this one while sifting through photos of mom a few years ago, and me and my siblings came to love this one of dad the most. Here, he was in their early marriage and he was at a farm auction. we have no idea who caught this on photo, but he ended up being the new owner of the land. 

Table Four

Tales from the coffee world continue....

           Table Four

 While in the coffee industry there are not really tables to be served, every now and then there is a rare customer who comes along, who is regular enough to get the title 'Table Four'. 
  In this case,  Table Four is Kal. 

Kal brought table four to life with flare. 
  Kal and Heather were down to the coffee shop every day at the same time, generally 10:30 am. I nearly could plan my watch by their visits.  I also could plan a moment of sheer entertainment with our conversations.
  Somehow, Kal came to be one who could get away with pretending to be part of the cashier staff. Hence, I say, Table Four.
 On days I was extremely busy, Kal would lighten the moment by shouting down the line a little to me, "Rachael, Table Four needs napkins! I'll help them out..." And even though we had no tables, the point was made and the mood lightened by Kal's spirit. And thus, Table Four was born and became our theme. 
   Kal always had an entertaining conversation, in which he would walk in and include me as if I'd been in on the conversation the entire time. 
  "So here's what we're discussing today..." he would say. Then he'd proceed to endeavor into the daily topic. Many days, he was discussing the latest celebrity talk. About those things, I was always clueless, so he'd fill me in. Some days he was referring to some crazy life topic up for debate. 
   Kal did not have a clue as to what he drank, he merely walked up to the counter, told me hot or cold,  and paid and I made it. Heather, his daily "date" for coffee, would so often come along with him and shake her head and laugh and tell him to just order already instead of going on about whatever the daily topic was. Everyone knows Kal, I'd say. 
    
 We began a program within the space that incorporated veggies to our smoothies. When Kal first saw beets in our smoothie case, he could not get over that...and then I made him try one. Or rather, he broke down and agreed to getting one. He came to call it the "Earth" drink because that's what he said the beets did to it. They tasted like the earth. From that point on, he then would let me know he took care of taking beets off our order; and when they appeared back in the case, he would let me say he made a mistake and the beets should not have been in the case... Kal always had an entertaining comment, no matter what was going on in the day. 
   Like I said , Kal became one who could say to me and Tiffany that he was helping us out as part of our staff.  Usually he did this when we were silly busy and he wanted to help lighten the moment. One day he said , "Table four got upset with me and so I quit. I couldn't handle their attitudes." Again, table four was the theme. Tiffany and I would laugh about this. He'd say he would come back on to help after Table Four would leave . We'd laugh and tell him he was no longer part of our staff.  
 He pushed buttons to make my register beep because he liked the beeping noise; he pretended to do things that would be a help  but was to make us laugh, and he really always had something encouraging to say. When I told him I was leaving, he was extremely excited for my endeavors. 
  Kal became Table Four. That was always the number he chose when pretending to help us out, and thus, I told him he would be table four forever. 
 Not a drink title: A table title. A customer who brought a lot of laughs to the moment, and entertainment to the day. He also brought smiles to all the customers in line who needed that extra boost to get them through the stressful moment of waiting. I always counted on a story or a laugh with Kal. 
  Because that was Table Four to our day- fun and bubbly and always ready with a silly moment. 

The Continental Shift

I'm no scientist, but I can remember studying in Science class about the continental plates shifting. I cannot explain the nature or the science behind it, but I like to think of it as a puzzle (the pieces of the world) shifting or moving so that they form a bit of a different shape.
  Still all the same pieces are there, it just looks a bit different. And perhaps to our eyes, the difference is minimal, but perhaps to the creatures living in the water or in that section of the world, the shift greatly affects their world.

   That is the term I have found myself using often in the last few weeks.

Shift.

  My life has taken a great shift.

To find the right words to describe it has been difficult, which is why I have sat on this blog for days. And yet, I've never been one to allow writers block or strong emotions to stop me from pouring out my heart.  I think too much at times, I am told, and this would be an accurate statement. I need to just let it flow a little better. And so ready or not, here it is.
 
I have been experiencing a great shift in life lately. A new view of myself. A new view of life and who God has made me to be and what I am capable of doing. A shift in my career.
 Ultimately, the job opportunity is becoming so much more than that for me. Finding a position to be going on a path of my dream job has opened up much more inside my heart and mind that I was not prepared to come with the change/shift. The job opportunity within the marathon office shifted one "plate" (to go along with the terms of the continental shift), which in essence shifts another one. Those shifts have created the capabilities inside of me to become more evident, dreams more profound, goals more defined, and desires to grow deeper.
     
Everyone experiences change in life. Change is the one constant thing, I like to say. We can always count on changes happening in life. I once was so opposed to change I would cringe at the thought of it. I have learned to embrace it because with change comes growth, and with growth comes opportunity. I have been living this the last few weeks.
    I said I have found new capabilities inside of me. Those would be simple things like - finding my way around a totally unfamiliar area without panicking or calling someone. I simply just say I'll do it and I do. It might take a few extra minutes, but the end result for me is rewarding. I have always called myself computer stupid in a lot of ways. I am discovering that while I am not a genius, I can/am overcoming that fear because it is part of what I do now. And I love it. Why was I always so afraid of that? I have to humble myself and ask a lot of questions, but those are great opportunities to learn. I have discovered that in spite of what I have often said to myself or believed, I am not stupid and I can do so much more than I ever thought. I'm not just making coffee (not to diminish that; just to say that now I am doing something on a larger scale I never thought possible), I am in a career, not a job. There is a difference. I have discovered a new sense of beauty. This is a struggle for me to share and to write, yet it has been part of my journey lately. I have never been one to look in a mirror and see beautiful. In fact, I usually see the opposite. I tend to belittle myself and be on the side of insecure. I am far from being secure in this area, but I have made significant shifts in this area of life lately. Perhaps a piece of it comes from the ability to wear clothes I want to wear for the first time in 7 years. But honestly, beauty does not come from clothing at all. Beauty comes from within. And I believe that for the first time in many years, I am looking at myself the way God does and always has. He sees my heart, not my past or what my job is or who my friends are- He sees into me for who I am. He wants me to recognize those same traits and he is always trying to show that to me, but for so long I have allowed people and past and circumstances to dictate how I see my own self. So many of us do that, to be honest. It's a human fault and one hard to overcome in a healthy manner. Yet, this shift is one which God is bringing that out to the surface from inside. The true beauty bubbling over, having nothing to do with what I am wearing or how my hair looks or what size I am. I have struggled with this for years, but this shift has created a new lens through which I can now look. A new lens of beauty. A true sense of worth; which is invaluable once found in the right manner. This makes me happier than I have been in a long time because I am not living on a scale of what I think I should be or what another says I should be or what society portrays should be. I am living the me God created me to be. That is true beauty, by His grace alone.

  With the shift comes dreams more profound in my heart and goals more defined. Dreams of developing my own 5K into an event much larger than its current status, which in essence, will grow mom's scholarship, which will in essence, help more students down the road. It's my dream taking a new shape. Dreams of teaching my kids that they, too, can do anything they put their mind to. I never thought I would be a working mom. But once I accepted that idea, I began to view it differently, and here I am now doing a career I never thought would be mine. What started as a hobby/passion/dream is becoming a reality. I long for my kids to see if they reach for the stars, it is possible. Working full time as a mom doesn't have to have a bad connotation to it. There are positives to be found and lessons to be taught. This shift has shown that in a new light.  Goals of growing within my position and learning and doing and being able to accomplish more within the career field. Goals I did not know existed. I went from a position that had no room for movement into a place I not only love, but have room to grow. This gives me goals to strive towards. (In case you did not know, I am a goal setter!)

  This continental shift of life has brought about exciting opportunities. And for those wondering, I absolutely love my job and all that I am learning and get the opportunity to do each day in the race industry. I am no fool; I know there will be bumps and days I do not always embrace these newfound truths and goals and excitement. But that is okay. Those days will come and I will embrace them as much as I am embracing these exciting ones.  This is a new journey for me, with a path that may be unknown, but holds more potential than I have seen in a long while in myself and for my family.  One day at a time, of course.

30 Day Journey

Yesterday closed my 30 day running streak.  The 30 days have been quite a ride for me, to be quite honest.  I had no idea when I began this challenge to myself back in May what life would bring for me. Along with learning new things about my determination, I have begun to embrace some greater truths about myself. I have begun a whole new journey in life with a new career.
   The 30 day challenge has definitely been a challenge.

Jimmy Buffet said "Go fast enough to get there, slow enough to see...."  Some runs through these days, I can relate with that quote word for word. Fast enough to do the challenge, slow enough to do some evaluating and growing too...

I have run in the rain, the heat, the humidity, a drop in temperatures, the dark, and the sunlight.I have run mostly alone, but also at times with a couple friends or, thankfully once again, my dog.

 I have fought myself some days and forced my feet out the door, simply because I was determined to make this 30 days happen. Now that 30 days is over, I don't even know if I will stop because I am really enjoying it.

 Along the way, came a dramatic life change for me. While I have often lately been referring to these changes, I write what I am learning in life, and change often brings about some of those strong lessons.
   Any time a major shift in life happens, I miss my mom in a larger way. This time is no different. As I have gone through this and done this challenge and learned things and shifted, I have wished mom were here to talk to about all the changes. Always my biggest supporter,  I always find it hard when she isn't around to share with (or go clothes shopping with!).
   But I know she would be thrilled with the  change.  However, in the emotion of missing mom the last couple of weeks, it is not lost on me that once again, I see a purpose behind my loss of mom. I have struggled to put this into words, but the point has been significant for me. There is always a purpose in everything. We don't always see it, want it or feel it, but God can use anything and everything. Had I not lost mom, I would never have started the 5K in her memory. Had that not begun, I never would have taken a Race Director course. Had I not done that, I would likely not have my now current dream job in the running industry. So you see, mom is still with me.  And while I do not say I am thankful to have walked the road of all the yuckiness of grief, I can see how it has led to this greater purpose for myself. There is always purpose behind pain; can't always see it or understand it, but looking back now, I can find how God has taken that and used it to led me to where I am now.  And mom would like that.  The thought of that has been with me strongly the last week.

  I shared in my last coffee blog that I took from there significant lessons of my worth. During this 30 day challenge, I believe that is a new truth that has taken on growth I did not expect. Those lessons did not come about magically because I was completing a challenge of running every day. However, in my times out running, the truths took on new molds for me.During my runs is my time to think and  process. And I began taking words said to me or things I have done or all the doors God has been opening and viewing them through new lenses. Now I am walking forward, carrying these new realizations with a new sense of determination. Not necessarily because I just did something I have never before done, but  because these things that have been inside me all along, these God given qualities which God has been trying to show me for years exist within me,  have surfaced in new ways.

  The 30 day challenge of running every day was hard to do some days, and yet I loved facing the challenge and completing it. I am most definitely a morning runner. I have finally purchased a pair of running (prescription) sunglasses, which make a large difference to one who needs them to see!
  I have been asked if I will continue the runs and the answer is yes. I will likely put some rest days in there now though, so no more streak per say. I have not chosen a new running challenge just yet.  I will say being engrossed in the running industry now is firing me up for another race, so we will see what is to come.

 Life is all about one day at a time. We never know what will come our way. I had no idea when the challenge began the beautiful ending it would subscribe to become. One day at a time, we can't always see what is ahead (but we don't need to either, God is taking care of those days) but in looking back, we sure can see how far we have come. One day at a time.