Running... TRX... those are my fitness go-tos.
I love running because it teaches me I can do things I never thought possible, and it gives me determination to not quit. I love to run because when I run, I am free. My mind opens up in beautiful ways. I clear my head; I pound out frustration in ever step; I fight the anxieties and depression and I have the space to be free of that for 30 minutes; I breathe in fresh air and drink in the nature of the gorgeous sunrises, the fresh falling snow, the shining moon against a star-lit sky, the deer romping in the park and birds singing the spring songs of welcoming new days. I feel and see God around me and I enjoy myself before the world's worries come crashing in through the day.
TRX has become a way of fitness I discovered by accident, but have fallen in love with it. It pushes me to go beyond my limits of strength. It reminds me that in my weakness He is strong. I find new muscles I didn't know existed and also I realize how the body is such an incredible force of nature. In TRX I have found companionship of friends at the gym, and I look forward to their welcoming words, high fives and silly jokes at 6 am on Tuesdays and Thursdays. TRX has taught me I am a fighter. I don't quit, even though at times I desperately have wanted to do so.
This year, fitness has been a challenge for me. While I am passionate about both of these "sports", education at times took priority. Because of that, I lost some of my physical fitness progress. I used to be able to do a 3+ minute plank but have fallen back to under 2 minutes of endurance; I used to run a half marathon without issues (albeit slowly, but nonetheless finishing). But I had to many times choose taking an online exam over going for a run. I had to choose shifting my work schedule to take a class on campus, thus missing months of TRX class. I also have had the overhanging cloud of depression and anxiety that have loomed larger at times this year. To some, those words are excuses. And while I understand that, I also say that it is real. Some days it took all I had to get up and do a workout. I had to have a pep talk with myself that while yes, I lost progress, I was winning because I wasn't letting the negative emotions win me over. I had to fight against those moments often this year, and usually silently.
Anxiety and Depression are silent battles. They are often looked down upon by society, but I like to share about it because I believe that it's important we share, we talk about these issues. It's not a stigma it once was, but for those of us who battle it, we do feel shame over that at times. I have learned to embrace it for what it is, recognize its heightened moments and learn how to fight against it. To do so takes every ounce of energy at times that I have, but I fight it. I fight it by working out. That's one reason I really do enjoy physical fitness. I enjoy the heavy lifting and the pushing limits. Because when I feel knocked down, accomplishing a race or reaching a new moment in TRX remind me I am capable. Admittedly at times this year, that "capable" was simply dragging myself to the gym or convincing myself to lace up my shoes.
This year I ran a few 5Ks and a couple of 10Ks. This was the first year in 10 years to not run a half marathon, my favorite distance. I missed it. I sometimes admit I get jealous of those around me who are participating in those events and accomplishing amazing results, of people who have made friends through the sport and have all their photos posted of their runs. But I have to remind myself each season of life brings different ways of growth, different opportunities and different needs that must be met. I chose work over a long run many days in light of the changes we faced; I chose class on campus over class at the gym; I chose sleep at times over a 5:30 am run. But even in being less active, I was able to learn about myself, just as much, but in different ways, than when I had events every month.
I gained weight. I probably didn't always help my mental health. But I learned through it all that each season brings different lessons of life. Each season holds different priorities and new opportunities. I met new people who changed my perspective, I just didn't meet them out on the race course. I discovered new dreams, just not always through long runs every weekend. I recognized the fighter in me. I got frustrated with myself many times in my running (or lack thereof) and also in losing ground in my strength; however, I felt proud of myself for not quitting in any of it when sometimes all I really wanted to do was shut down.
It's not always about how fast you run or how far you go, it's about the heart within you. It's not always about reaching the goal, it's about what you learn along the way. It's not always about the time on the clock, but it's about having a good time in the process. It's not always about who you run with, but about the people you meet along the way.
I have set out some ambitious goals for my 2019, but with the understanding it's possible they may get interrupted. We never know what the next day is going to bring. Life is a journey. I have struggled through this year in certain aspects, but also learned the most about myself ever and grown leaps and bounds and while my growing waist line threatens to leave me frustrated, I honestly know that with that has come significant personal growth and I would not change it for a second. By far my favorite verse, which applies to fitness in some aspects, but remains strong in my every day way of life for a variety of reasons is:
2 Cor. 12:9-10 "Each time He said to me: "My grace is sufficient for you. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2018 pushed me to new limits. Dare I say: bring it on, 2019!??
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