2018 Colombian Adventures

This year I was blessed to travel to Colombia twice and get the additional experience of translating for 2 of my Colombian friends when they were in the US for a missions conference. 

 My experiences in Colombia have been life-changing. 20 years ago I felt a deep desire to serve God with Spanish speaking skills in a Latin American country. It has come full circle, and it looks different than I had envisioned as a 16 year old girl, but that's what makes God so awesome. 

 

Things take time... Our plans are not always His. I'd abandoned that dream and here He had a plan all along. I love being able to see that. 

 I have a difficult time summing up into adequate words what it is that my Colombian travels have taught me. Each trip grows me in new ways. I have found some of my closest friends in life, even though separated by miles. I have been challenged in my faith. I have learned how to speak the language better and I have a hundred + stories of ways I have seen God move. How can I place here the lessons these beautiful people, this rich culture have taught me? It's a challenge. Here are a few from this year....

 - Relationships are so much more important than things. 

    One thing I have noticed strongly of them in this year is that they don't speak poorly of one another. They would have every reason to be frustrated or angry just as much as we, here, get frustrated with our family or friends. Only I noticed the significant difference in how they respond. They cautiously word themselves. They even will often say "I don't want to damage anyone...."  

 I have thought on that a lot because I feel like here petty gossip is found in every corner. I know as hard as I try, I am guilty of this at times. In discussing this, I think that it boils down to they are a people who value people. Relationships are everything to them. To damage a person, even if that person has hurt them, is the last thing they want to do. People matter. Things don't. Whatever upsets them isn't worth tarnishing the other person in the process. That's beautiful. Are they perfect? No... but on more than one occasion, I saw this take place and it did not go unnoticed. It has challenged me. 

 

 - Happiness is not based on money, materials or location

   Now, the Colombians have been teaching me this since day 1. I have watched them live off nothing. But the more I've been able to develop my relationships with them, the more I see this. The more I ask questions and learn about their culture, the more I see the "material" poverty they truly experience. I realize just how little they have. Most of my friends there can fit all their belongings into one suitcase. The majority of them live off dollars... A MONTH! Not a day, but a month. Many of them have moved once or twice. But more times than I can count, they are telling me "God will provide... God is good." They are full of joy. Yes, they have hurts and frustrations, too, don't get me wrong. But in the midst of those, they laugh, they smile, they may cry but they soon pick themselves up and say "God's got this." I am not sure this lesson will ever cease to speak to me. It's beautiful and humbling. And challenges me all the time. I have ZERO reason to be complaining. 

 Yes, life here is different so the struggles are different. But they teach me perspective every day. I am lucky enough to get to speak with them each day and they are forever reshaping my views in good ways. Reminding me I'm loved and blessed. Reminding me of what is important

 - Laugh often

 I cry a lot, I admit. Crying expresses my hurts, my anger, my sadness, and my joy. So, yes, I cry often. But they laugh a lot. And it is contagious. I could be having the worst of days and get a call or message from them and their laughter is contagious. I want to laugh more. I want to shine that same joy that they have taught me. Besides the times with my mom in the past and the moments I get with my sister, I don't laugh as hard as I do when I am with them. Even if it has meant laughing at my own self. 

  I have learned so much from them, there are no adequate words. Live life to its fullest. In the bad and in the good, live life every day. Take chances. Say yes. Serve Jesus. Sing songs. Dance. Cry. Live life in whatever capacity is possible. Life is found in the moments, not in the materials. I knew this. But it reshaped in new ways. Meanwhile, I am asking hundreds of questions to better understand their culture and not impose mine. I am listening as much as they are willing to share. I am soaking in new perspectives that really remind me how blessed I am. I have struggles, yes. I fight depression, yes. But I do have so many blessings. They don't quit when they so easily could. Neither will I. What will a new year bring, people are asking? 365 opportunities. 

 They live that. I want to as well. 

   And hopefully I can teach that to those around me.

Reflecting on 2018 Fitness

Running... TRX... those are my fitness go-tos.

I love running because it teaches me I can do things I never thought possible, and it gives me determination to not quit. I love to run because when I run, I am free. My mind opens up in beautiful ways. I clear my head; I pound out frustration in ever step; I fight the anxieties and depression and I have the space to be free of that for 30 minutes; I breathe in fresh air and drink in the nature of the gorgeous sunrises, the fresh falling snow, the shining moon against a star-lit sky, the deer romping in the park and birds singing the spring songs of welcoming new days. I feel and see God around me and I enjoy myself before the world's worries come crashing in through the day.

 TRX has become a way of fitness I discovered by accident, but have fallen in love with it. It pushes me to go beyond my limits of strength. It reminds me that in my weakness He is strong. I find new muscles I didn't know existed and also I realize how the body is such an incredible force of nature. In TRX I have found companionship of friends at the gym, and I look forward to their welcoming words, high fives and silly jokes at 6 am on Tuesdays and Thursdays. TRX has taught me I am a fighter. I don't quit, even though at times I desperately have wanted to do so.

 This year, fitness has been a challenge for me. While I am passionate about both of these "sports", education at times took priority. Because of that, I lost some of my physical fitness progress. I used to be able to do a 3+ minute plank but have fallen back to under 2 minutes of endurance; I used to run a half marathon without issues (albeit slowly, but nonetheless finishing). But I had to many times choose taking an online exam over going for a run. I had to choose shifting my work schedule to take a class on campus, thus missing months of TRX class. I also have had the overhanging cloud of depression and anxiety that have loomed larger at times this year. To some, those words are excuses. And while I understand that, I also say that it is real. Some days it took all I had to get up and do a workout. I had to have a pep talk with myself that while yes, I lost progress, I was winning because I wasn't letting the negative emotions win me over. I had to fight against those moments often this year, and usually silently.

Anxiety and Depression are silent battles. They are often looked down upon by society, but I like to share about it because I believe that it's important we share, we talk about these issues. It's not a stigma it once was, but for those of us who battle it, we do feel shame over that at times. I have learned to embrace it for what it is, recognize its heightened moments and learn how to fight against it. To do so takes every ounce of energy at times that I have, but I fight it. I fight it by working out. That's one reason I really do enjoy physical fitness. I enjoy the heavy lifting and the pushing limits. Because when I feel knocked down, accomplishing a race or reaching a new moment in TRX remind me I am capable. Admittedly at times this year, that "capable" was simply dragging myself to the gym or convincing myself to lace up my shoes.

 This year I ran a few 5Ks and a couple of 10Ks. This was the first year in 10 years to not run a half marathon, my favorite distance. I missed it. I sometimes admit I get jealous of those around me who are participating in those events and accomplishing amazing results, of people who have made friends through the sport and have all their photos posted of their runs. But I have to remind myself each season of life brings different ways of growth, different opportunities and different needs that must be met. I chose work over a long run many days in light of the changes we faced; I chose class on campus over class at the gym; I chose sleep at times over a 5:30 am run. But even in being less active, I was able to learn about myself, just as much, but in different ways, than when I had events every month.

 I gained weight. I probably didn't always help my mental health. But I learned through it all that each season brings different lessons of life. Each season  holds different priorities and new opportunities. I met new people who changed my perspective, I just didn't meet them out on the race course. I discovered new dreams, just not always through long runs every weekend. I recognized the fighter in me. I got frustrated with myself many times in my running (or lack thereof) and also in losing ground in my strength; however, I felt proud of myself for not quitting in any of it when sometimes all I really wanted to do was shut down.

 It's not always about how fast you run or how far you go, it's about the heart within you. It's not always about reaching the goal, it's about what you learn along the way. It's not always about the time on the clock, but it's about having a good time in the process. It's not always about who you run with, but about the people you meet along the way.

 I have set out some ambitious goals for my 2019, but with the understanding it's possible they may get interrupted. We never know what the next day is going to bring. Life is a journey. I have struggled through this year in certain aspects, but also learned the most about myself ever and grown leaps and bounds and while my growing waist line threatens to leave me frustrated, I honestly know that with that has come significant personal growth and I would not change it for a second.  By far my favorite verse, which applies to fitness in some aspects, but remains strong in my every day way of life for a variety of reasons is:

 2 Cor. 12:9-10 "Each time He said to me: "My grace is sufficient for you. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

 2018 pushed me to new limits. Dare I say: bring it on, 2019!??

Growth in 2018

"Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning."  Benjamin Franklin


 If I had to sum up this year in one word it would be: Growth.

 I have not written in this space for some time now, and as I have been reflecting the last several days, I have wanted to share about my experiences this year. Today, I will sum up some of those into one blog for you. But, because I am quite the wordy person when I process, I will break it down over the next few days into categories.

 2018 has been a year of change. Change forces reflection and growth. We can't always see it in the moment, but looking back, we can find it if we take time to reflect.

In my job, I experienced many changes - a new boss, some coworkers leaving, new ones coming on and a promotion for myself as well.

My kids are growing up, with my daughter working now and actively taking horse lessons and going out with friends. (And sometimes driving.) My son joined ROTC at school and is growing in his own self as well. I love that these things are happening. It's not to say that change is bad... it is not. But it does bring growth. Being a mom of teenagers is a challenge. Letting go and allowing the balance of independence mixed with still being a firm parent is not easily done, and I am learning through my own mistakes at times.


 My education continues to move forward and that reshapes my thinking at times; it challenges me mentally many days, but it also pushes me to learn my own views more in depth. Through the education, I continue to grow in many ways. I love talking about what I am learning - the challenges of it, the excitement of it and even the moments I do not like ( Biology was such a class for me... thank goodness that is over!) I have felt beat up by the classes at times and have also found great satisfaction in them. The classes I have taken have taught me so much... and also helped me see  how much I don't know.

 Fitness... well, my education trumped my fitness many days of this year. It remains a priority for me, but often times it had to take the back seat to either sleep or classes because those 2 things were a greater priority. I never abandoned my fitness, I just had to take it down a notch, which was not easy for me and leaves me thirsty with goals to improve in 2019. However, shifting this area of life also taught me many lessons. This is why I will dedicate separate blogs to each of these categories over the next few days.

 I began my year by choosing the word "Faith" as my word for the year, having no idea how my faith would shape me. I can't say I abided in it all the time, nor did I let it guide me always. But I do know I held on to it for dear life when the changes felt unbearable or the waves of depression or anxiety threatened to be too much for me. Change brings growth, growth reshapes faith in all new ways. I had zero idea beginning this year what changes were going to be part of my story; looking back over the year, I am thankful for them. They exhausted me at times, but I am a stronger and better person for them. As the song says "On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand..."

The "category" of work, well... this area may be one which taught me the hardest and best lessons this year. At the beginning of 2018, I actually spent time working 2 jobs. I worked during the week at the marathon office as normal, and on the weekends, I worked in a home for dementia residents. Those beautiful old people taught me many lessons. Lessons which can't be written down, but are ones to be lived. Those people, who so much of society (and even their own families) disregard, taught me love and laughter.
 Along with that job and lessons learned, came the hundreds of lessons I incurred with the changes that took place in my full time job. The changes have had challenges, but through it all I have discovered many new qualities of myself. I look forward to sharing this more.

 I traveled to Colombia two times; I had the incredible opportunity to serve as a translator here in the States for a week in October; I ran a few races and saw a few places; I made new friends, which also helped shape growth; I laughed a lot but I probably cried more. I stood up to bullies. I gave up some desires only to watch God give them to me in different ways. This year has been exhausting at times and exhilirating in others.

 As I began the word with the year "Faith", I feel I may have done an injustice to its definition. But faith is truly always growing, and that is what this year has been about for me. As I share more in depth, you may understand more. I want to continue to embrace this word every day, to bring more justice to the One in whom I place my faith.

 In the beginning of the blog, I used a quote by Benjamin Franklin. "Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievment, and success have no meaning."
  Through the growth I experienced this year, I for sure found progress in myself, I feel improvement in my development, and I have seen more successes. None of those would have been possible without the challenges.
 2018 was a hard year in many ways, mostly unseen and unknown to most, and yet by far the year in which I have learned to embrace who I am in all new ways and continue to progress and move forward.