When the heart is full and the mind is racing, the words are difficult to share.
And yet writing is how I process, and project the depths of my heart for others to better understand me. So I continue to press on with this blog, even though it more often than not has taken pauses and back seat to other aspects of life lately.
This week happens to be a pivotal one in life for me. Well, pivotal may not be the right word, but this week holds much significance in my career. The Air Force Marathon takes place this week, and if you follow me at all, you know that's my career.
There are times during the year when working day in and day out for ONE day to arrive can be frustrating. Moments feel like eternity when each day is spent prepping for a few hours to pass so quickly. Which is why when the week comes around, I do my best to savor it with every bit of my soul. It is in this week that the office politics, the harder days, the fight for my life lessons that happen along the way almost fade into the distance and the actual here and now shapes the emotions and feelings. It is in this week that I am somehow able to set aside all those negative thoughts and smile from the inside out because I LOVE what I do. It is in this week that people who have known me from my other jobs come by as a participant, see me briefly and later tell me " You are glowing.... " because they can see it's not a fake smile or a make others happy smile. It's a smile that comes from my heart to resonate to those around me.
Let me just get real here for a moment. I sometimes battle the very real thought of "I'm 'just' an admin..." I can't help it, and bear with me as I share this vulnerable story. There are days I long to move up the chain or be important or just plain out do more. I fight off the crazy negativity that certain people have a tendency to push my way. I still struggle with the dark places of insecurity. But something has also transpired in me over the last year. And as I have wrestled with that old beast the last few weeks due to circumstances a bit out of my control, in the last few days, those thoughts have all gone away. Because I know that whether or not the title is admin or .... (you insert any title in here) it's really not about a title. It's about the heart. And if anyone has a heart for this event, this girl is it. Me. It's not to say I'm so great. It's not to say I even want a bigger, badder, higher position. Because what I get to do is unique. I get to interact with the runners. I get to solve their problems race week. (People think I'm crazy when I tell them that's my job, but guess what? I happen to love that!) . I get to talk to more of our runners than many of the other staff members. I have heard countless stories that to some may be a burden, but to me... they touch me. Oh, there are crazy ones, too. And ones that I can only later tell others about with my eyes wide in disbelief, but quite honestly, it's a role that fits me to a T. And i wouldn't have it any other way. I love the experiences I am gaining. And the people I am meeting and the pieces this leg of my life journey is using to shape me. Be it through the runners or through my co workers or through my own private journey....
When I left the coffee world, I shared some of my favorite stories of people with whom I'd interacted through the years. Now, the stories are beginning to form of the runners I am meeting. What I love about this week is that the many people I hear from through the year (while planning all year long...) I finally get to touch base with in person. It's a beautiful week for me.
I close out with a brief story, as quite honestly, though the week's almost over, it's really just begun in some aspects because tomorrow and Saturday will bring along much more significant memories for me, no doubt. I have "met" many people through the year. Because I meet so many, I cannot always remember them when they come to look me up race week (even if I told them to.. it generally takes me a minute to place which person they are). I had one runner email to ask for a deferment to next year because he was going through chemo/cancer and simply couldn't complete the event as originally anticipated. While, for several reasons, that is not a request our event can accommodate, I responded (unknowingly) graciously to this older man. I told him what he could do, etc. And essentially wished him the best of luck in his journey forward. (I summarize...) Anyway, this man and his wife came and found me today, sought me out. I won't go into great depth because it sounds as though I am bragging in sharing, which is not my intention at all. By the time they left me, shook my hand, i had to fight back the tears because his story was so moving, and his response to me was so humbling that I had no words. This man, fighting for his life in cancer, came to thank me.... when I had done absolutely nothing. He and his wife, as his caretaker, were my heroes, because the road of cancer is so close to my heart. I was completely humbled.
I don't share that to say "Yay Rachael..." I say that to simply say this week is why I love my job so much. These are the moments I sit and write, even when I am so sleepy, because I don't want to forget them. When it's winter and the race day is behind us and the future one is so far ahead, these are the moments I hang onto. The reasons of many why I love being an admin and "talking" to the runners and solving issues. It's not just about the running... of course I love that. But it's about so much more to me.
Gone are the politics.
Gone are the people who think they are better than me.
Gone are the frustrated sighs of trying to learn something beyond me.
And here are the memorable moments.
The reasons why I do what I do.
The passion behind my piece of this huge working puzzle that could not be put together without the amazing team of people I get to do this job with.
The Air Force Marathon.
2 more days full of fun moments, memories, laughs, probably some crazy new stories, and maybe some new friends.
but I had to pause and take a moment to share before the moment passed.
It's not about me. But it's in this week and these moments I can take in and see the day in a new light. And be the strong me I know is in there.
I love this week and the reminders it gives me.
Oh, it was a busy day (though my day does not compare to what the logistics team/race director is out there doing right now, they deserve far more credit than they get). And my mind is busy with a million thoughts all over the map. But my heart is FULL.
No doubt there will be a few more posts in the days to come...