November 4,2010

Do you know what you were doing on this exact day one year ago? Probably not. Because really, Nov. 4 is not a significant day to many people. But this day, in 2010 will forever be something  I will hold onto.

 It was Thursday, Novemeber 4,2010. I had the rare joy of 2 days off in a row-Thurs and Fri. After the kids got off to school, the weather was beautiful, so I decided I'd head out for a 6 mile run. Only I wanted a bit of different scenery, so I chose to run the Yellow Springs Bike Path. This time of year, it is beautiful. Since I was going to be just down the road from the farm, I called mom. At this point in time, one year ago, she was going through things like chemo and had just finished some radiation. She had a tumor on the back of the neck that had just finished being treated. Her attitude, as always, was one of beating the disease.  I was spending a lot of time with her. I called her, being it my day off and being that I was going to be close, and told her when I finished my run, I'd come out for lunch.
 I set out on the path that beautiful day and really just enjoyed my run. I wasn't out for a time or speed, I was out to run. And pray. And think. Though mom's battle hadn't turned fierce yet, it was still an exhausting road and a hard journey to be walking. I loved my runs. (I still do). Anyway, the leaves were falling, and the colors were brilliant yellows. The fields on either side of the path were either  freshly harvested or waiting to be harvested. The path was quiet that day. I remember my headphones and specific songs from that run. It was an enjoyable run.
 When my run finished, I headed out to the farm. I have no idea what we ate for lunch. I just know we enjoyed it. It was just mom and I-dad was busy out doing work since it was nice weather. Mom and I talked about all the things. Then we played Dutch Blitz-our favorite card game. And we enjoyed a cup of coffee. Soon, I had to be going, as I had to get the kids from school. I cannot tell you exactly what we ate that day, or exactly what we talked about. But I remember our coffee and I remember playing the game and I remember laughing so hard, like I often did with my mom. We hugged tightly, as had become the normal, and I walked out the door, exchanging "I love you"s and off I went to get my kids.
 To you all, this may seems like just another memory I am recalling. However, it is so precious to me, because the next day, Novemeber 5, would change our lives forever. Tomorrow I will blog more about that. So I guess I'll say "to be continued...."
 I will be recalling a lot of details int he next few months-I think it's normal and it's ok. Don't think I'm stuck just because I'm recalling these things. It's just part of my process. To get through this yucky first year without mom, this is part of what I have to do for me.  Really, I've made some great strides in my grief process...though many of you may not see it. God gets the glory for that. Because it is certainly not by my strength.
 I am so thankful that I took the time that day to just ignore house duties and such (as I would typically give some time to those on days off) and go be with mom. It was our last really normal conversation. And it's one I'll never forget, even if I cannot remember every word. You see, those are the moments that count. Not a clean house. I'd never take back that day with my mom.....it's one I'll never have again. God knew that that day, I'm sure. We even talked that night on the phone, as we usually did. The next day would be a different story. I'll tell you more tomorrow...