The Little Things

Today, things that I am grateful for... some little, some big.

 1. A new job. Same office, different focus. It's kind of strange to be in a different desk and it's a little challenging to change the mindset, but it's really exciting to have a new opportunity and see new growth through this. I am thankful.

2. Answers to prayer. We sometimes are told no, we sometimes see a yes. Other times we are told to wait. But it is so incredible to pray in faith, be obedient in my role of the request and watch God do amazing things. I love when that happens.

3. Gladiolus Flowers. My favorites! They are so beautiful and I love what they represent. My friend showed up at my door with them yesterday. They make me smile :)

4. When you get a text that says "Has anyone told you you're amazing today? Because you are."  For really no reason except to encourage me. Things and words like that make me smile and go a very long way.

5. A good, sweaty workout. I do not like stair workouts nor speed workouts and I tend to avoid them, but in the end, I know it's what is good for me and I feel better after I've done one. I'm far from where I want to be physically at this moment in time, but .... back to the basics and enjoying the process of what will be recreating a new routine for me.

6. Education. As hard as this semester has been, I have 3 weeks to go. A 12 week semester, I tell you, has felt like 22 weeks! However, my cultural anthropology class has opened my eyes in many ways, and I have thoroughly enjoyed it. Astronomy, on the other hand, well... not so much. However, through this class I am learning to let go of perfection and accept the challenges that come with this particular class and grow through it. It isn't really about what educationally I am learning in this class so much as what it is teaching me about myself and life.

  Life has challenges and changes... but there are always blessings to be found. These 6 are just a few from my week this week. TGIF my friends!

Another Trip To Brisas del Mar

“A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal.” 

― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

Words speak volumes to me, but so do actions. Hugs go a very long way, a person holding the hand when I cry says more than any one word can ever do, or a person laughing alongside me, extending grace and freedom to be who I am carries me farther than I can even begin to explain. As Steve Maraboli said…. a kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. If i may elaborate on that, I also would say that those wounds sometimes lie inside a place that the person extending the gesture would never see or even know their gesture is touching.

 That is what it is like for me in Brisas del Mar. In Brisas, every time I go, I find more healing, I regain strength in who God has made me to be. Sometimes I go, not even realizing the depth of my wounds but only to discover through tears and hugs, the healing is found when I am there. Words cannot sum up my week spent there. Every time I go, I try to come home and recapture the stories to those around me who will take time to listen. I share hundreds of photos and try to explain all the little inside jokes, the things that make me laugh in the middle of the day that would make absolute zero sense to anyone else around me. But it’s inadequate to describe this village that has captured my heart. I so love these people for a million reasons. 

I really don’t think much of myself, but I am reminded that God called the disciples from all walks of life… fishermen, tax collectors, and normal every day guys. And I realize without a doubt, that today, I am called just like they were. I don’t understand it, nor do I feel worthy of it. But I believe that He wants to use me there… or perhaps it’s more that He takes me there so I can be more efficiently used here.Because as much as I go try to share the love of Jesus with those people, they end up teaching me more about love than they can ever know. I am not the only one to say that, but each person’s story is unique. And God is using the people of Brisas to bring healing to my heart. When I feel weak, their words and their hugs carry me so far. It’s not magic…. it’s simply the love of Jesus carried out through others. And it’s that same love I want to share and be to those around me. But in my every day life here, I wrestle at times with that, feeling unworthy, feeling not good enough, feeling like “who am I to do this?” . It’s difficult to compare my life to theirs… it’s two cultures, two very different circumstances, two very different ways of life.

I have a home with a soft bed and air conditioning and for pity sake, a working toilet. They have a “shak” of sorts, with a thatched roof, a makeshift bed (for most of them) and certainly no toilets. I have hot water. They have what’s available. I have food and luxuries. They are happy with rice and coconuts. I have electronics and internet and tv. They have… none of that. I have had hard days, but really, I don’t know what “hard”  is. They have no money, often no food, no means of transportation and certainly no federal support in improving. And yet they capture everything with their hugs, with their laughter, with their love. I wish I could bottle it up and bring it home because it’s such a beautiful image, I want to freeze it to have forever. It’s in my heart, but busy life and harsh words so often cloud the gorgeous picture of joy I capture in those few days. The wounds that find healing in Brisas seem to get picked back open wide upon return, making the moments seem like a blink in time. 

 So this time, I am determined to carry those acts of compassion, those words of love, to a deeper level that changes me. That might bring change that is even scarier to face. But what can really be scarier than continuing to lose myself in the mess of hurt and pain when God has called me to serve him freely? He has called me to laugh and love. 

And so as I process things learned, I want most to carry on this joy that grows deeper in me each time I go. This joy that comes not from words of others, per say, although that helps, and not from hugs, although also those help bring healing. But the joy that I find in who Christ has made me to be. The joy that the people of Brisas help me see about who I am, because Christ uses them to help me heal places I didn’t even know needed it. I want to push that joy outward, so while there may still be moments of sadness, all in all, I live in His joy. 

 And in the meantime, I will hang onto and remember all the silly moments and things we expereinced together. Moments I don’t want to forget  that will not make sense to anyone but will always make me smile: like David’s "Uno, Dos, Tres… Uno…. " when Yuleida was in the hole digging.

 Or when Steve nearly rolled into the hole himself trying to pull Tom out. Or when David kindly said to Karen as she climbed down “I’m going to be at your posterior” (that is to say, he was going to touch near her butt to help her down into the 8 foot hole we'd dug). Or the moment of my trying to catch Greg the gecko, dumping Marilyn’s dirty clothes looking for him, and then startling Yulieda by tickling her foot. Or how every time John measured the hole in the last day he kept telling us 40 / 43/ 42 more cm to go! It never ended. Or Tom’s face, how it totally fell when John said “one more to go” And Tom was so excited because he thought it was one more foot, only to realize it was One more METER = 3 more feet! Miguel with his “what happened” phrase on this trip. 

 Or Pastor Dani’s ridiculous rhymes… Discrimination…. Chickato… and all the things like that he would say at dinner, with the very little English he knew. The song "Te Amo I love You". and "Vamos A Cantar". The beautiful program that was put together for our goodbye. And dancing for a long while after it. or how it was said to me “Don’t cry. We don’t want to remember sadness, we want to think on the happy things. Don’t let others or hard moments steal your joy, but focus on the beautiful. you will be back soon. Focus on that, and not on the goodbye”  

I go to Colombia because I feel called. However, I think God calls me there not just to translate for the team or love on the people, but so that they can teach me what God so hard tries to engrain into me, but I wrestle so deeply with in my daily life here. He tries to teach me how much He loves me and wants me to be happy and wants me to live freely. 

The time has come for me to implement these lessons in new ways. Change is scary. But as I have watched my whole job and career change over the last few months, then I walked into Colombia with a  change of staff in Brisas, to the changes I am finding in myself… God is showing me that whether or not the beginning of the change was something He designed, His hand is in every piece of it. I need to let my heart trust the changes he is implementing. Not to believe in myself, per say, or the words of others, (although those are important) but to believe in that which God is showing me and teaching me. It comes back to faith….. the word I chose at the beginning of this year, and the one which has a profound meaning, deeper than can ever be put into words. 

 “A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal.” 

It is time to heal because those kind gestures have touched me deeper in these days than I ever thought possible. 

 (PS. To end on a less serious note... I have a new android phone and I have a MAC computer. I'm really not tech savvy, so I have yet to figure out how to get my android photos onto my Mac , although people have kindly tried to explain it, it's remained a low priority. I want to share photos, but... you can find them on my Facebook page if you look me up. I'm lucky I got a blog up here, the connecting of the photos can wait. )