2019 Purpose.

WARNING: Long Post Ahead!

Today closes out the year, and a decade. Naturally many of us go into reflect mode, at the same time also looking forward to the next year. I am a person who does this through the year often, but especially in moments such as the close of a year.

 2019 has been a big year for me. It has been so monumental that I have started and erased and re-started this blog many times. I want to capture what resides in my soul, but that can be challenging to do in few words. This year I have had very little time to blog, and I missed doing that. However, priorities have to be arranged and this was one that fell to the lower end of the list. I want to take a moment to remember, share, and try to tell the story of this year in a real way.

 I chose the word Purpose for my 2019 word of the year. As I went through the days and months, I saw that word play out in multiple ways. I reminded myself when I wanted to quit at times that I have a purpose and I won't let others sway that. I have experienced great moments this year, but not without the challenges. I have found greater purpose through the difficulties and watched myself grow in the process. You cannot understand the light without having walked through darkness, appreciate the sun without having seen the storms, value health without the experience of pushing through or understanding illness. I will recap this year a little bit...

 Mom-life:
  Parenting teenagers is not an easy task. I can hardly believe that my kids are 15 and 17. This last year has brought new milestones, hardships and blessings. I have pretty easy-going kids, honestly. But that doesn't mean there are not challenges. Joseph is in the ROTC program at the high school and I am proud of the young man he is growing to be. He's had some bumpy days with school, but has managed to find his way this year a little better.
  Elizabeth has been a roller coaster over the last year. In a beautiful but challenging way at times. We went through a series of doctor appointments, tests, medication dosage trials and even a call from EMT at school, which scared me, all to discover she has asthma. While that is not a life-threatening illness, after having very healthy children for years, that brought on a new element to parenting. Meanwhile, we've moved into her Senior year, experiencing milestones. She bought her first car with her own money. She's been accepted to college. She is figuring out her own way. How is this season coming to a close in this phase of parenting?

 Run-Life:
  This year has been the hardest in regards to my run-life. For me, running clears my head and gives me clear thinking. Running is not always natural for me, I have to work at it. I began exactly 10 years ago running, with 2009 being my first half-marathon. Little did I know that it would lead to a career for me. I fell in love with it for how it has helped me work through difficult moments and taught me how I am completely capable of more than I ever thought possible.
 But this year was tough. As I pursued career goals, focused on the family and worked towards a purpose which was planted in my heart 20 years ago, running long distance took a back seat. At times that was hard on my mental health, because running truly is a medicine for me. I missed the sweet victory of crossing the finish line after working on a goal for months. I missed the journey that training always teaches me. I felt the effects in my growing waist line ;) I didn't quit, but I didn't get the distance in like usual. I ran one half marathon event only. I look forward to the events of 2020.
  Already working on creating my distance again, I am reminded how hard it is. I have to have pep talks with myself to put my shoes on and go out the door in the cold. I have to talk myself through the miles, even though they are few. I feel like I'm at the beginning again. However, I look forward to what the rebuilding journey is going to bring in 2020.

Student Life:
  This year purpose took a real value in regards to my student life. At age 36, I graduated with my associates degree! This was a huge accomplishment for me, but did not come without challenges. 3 years of taking classes on-line and a few on campus brought sacrifice of lost sleep at times, saying no to fun moments at times so I could accomplish studies and facing the challenges of the nay-sayers left me at times questioning my decision to pursue my degree.
 However, every scholarship I received confirmed my journey. Every high grade gave me stronger motivation. And really, the knowledge I drank in pushed me to new levels in many ways.
 It was strange attending class alongside kids the age of my own children. However, that never deterred me. I am on a mission with a goal and I feel excited about what I've learned. I've grown in my Spanish skills, been able to take religion classes and be exposed to others' beliefs, which has grown my own faith. I've learned about human rights, which has strengthened my resolve to help globally those who are in need and don't know the love of God. I have met people who have encouraged me along the way, supported my journey, challenged my mind and pushed me to new levels of leadership. Through my studies, my own faith has deepened and purpose has grown.
 I've been criticized for being a mom and an employee and attending school, saying it was putting my family on the back burner. I have been questioned in what will I really be able to do with a Spanish degree. I've walked through moments of self-doubt, frustration and fear.
 But that made the accomplishment all the sweeter.
 I graduated in May with my associates in Modern Language with a certificate in Global Studies.
 and now I pursue my bachelor's degree in Spanish and International Relations and I cannot wait to see where that leads. It comes with financial struggles and time balances, but it is worth the difficulty.

 Work Life:
  Work life has brought the most challenges. I don't like to post a lot about my work life on a deep level, but I cannot close out this year without sharing a piece of the journey. 2019 brought the most struggles I have ever faced in work-life. However, with those challenges I have come out stronger and a better leader. Allow me to share a little...
 Change produces growth, no matter how we view it in the moment. It pushes us out of our comfort zones. This year brought much change in my job. An overwhelming amount at times, honestly. But some of it was also exciting. I had the opportunity to create a new program, develop it and obtain a silver status in the way of being an environmentally friendly event. I learned so much through that, and enjoyed the challenge that it presented. I learned through the failures of some aspects and was giddy with the successes. I am super excited to watch the program grow and others learn from it as well. Environmental issues are real, but I didn't realize it until I allowed myself to get educated in it.
 We made tons of course changes which brought on a lot of stress in some aspects. And yet through that, my leadership skills were strengthened. I found my own style of leadership, rather than piggy back off of others.  That also came with an event that was very difficult, which was not receiving a promotion I very much wanted.
 In the process of being turned down, I had to face a lot of emotions. I learned to work my way through those and rise above them, in spite of the challenges it all brought. I learned how to communicate more effectively and how to direct others more efficiently. I found my way of leading and learned that each person has their own style. I found my voice. The long story short, 6 months later, through a story that would take too long to tell, I was awarded that promotion I'd been turned down for earlier. The experience was humbling, and while hard to face in the moment, I do believe that God's timing is perfect and due to not getting the promotion initially, I was able to grow into a place that allows me now to better do the job that 6 months ago I may not have been ready to do as well. Those months pushed me into a leader that resided within but perhaps needed the hard days to find it.

 Ministry Life
  Since I wrote about this the other day, I won't elaborate here on it. I am excited for what the next year will bring as this year developed the direction of ministry God has given me with Colombia. I am anxious to work with the women more hands on. I was thankful to travel there this year twice and visit 17 different locations. I made hundreds of memories that cannot be told in a blog.... but maybe some day will, little by little.
  Please take time to like our page on Facebook, Footprints with Hope, where you can also find updates and hopefully a website in the near future.

 Lastly, travels...
   I was able to go to Washington state, Puerto Rico, Washington DC, Colombia twice all in one year. It was awesome to see new sites,  try new foods, learn new words and explore. This Cedarville gal (and guys, if you are reading this and know me well, you understand that reference) has come a very long way in life in those regards, and I am very excited to see where the roads of 2020 will lead and the pages in the story that will be written.

   Here's to a wonderful 2019 and to an even better 2020.

   Here's to living out purpose one day at a time.

Closing out 2019 with Purpose

I grew up on a farm, and in our yard we had so many trees. I could not honestly tell you the difference between an oak tree or a maple tree, but I have always found beauty in the trees.

 We did not have air conditioning in our home, but the trees that surrounded the front of the house provided cool shade and breezes. One of my favorite summer memories is sitting under the shade of the trees, drinking lemonade with my dad and the team of people who would come help us bale straw. 

 One one side of the house, we had a tree my siblings and I called the climbing tree. That tree was strong, but not the tallest or thickest of the trees on the farm. The branches were just the right height to jump a tad and be able to hang from it and swing my legs over it so I could lift myself into the tree. Then, I could skillfully climb branch by branch to the top of the tree. There were times I would climb it with friends, and we would sit for hours, passing the summer days. That tree would often be my little escape place when I wanted to get out of the house and think. It also was a favorite spot during hide and seek games. Although we all knew someone would climb that tree, the leaves were dark purple, making it very difficult to see a person hiding in the night. 

 There was also a tree which stood very tall and spread out over the side yard. Underneath that tree, when it rained, puddles would form and my brother and I would go out and splash in them for hours. 

 Trees serve much purpose, but it takes years for a tree to reach its maturity. I cannot remember any of those trees being planted. They seeds were placed in the ground many years before my existence. But their roots were deep and strong and the branches endured storms and brought much joy to my childhood.

 I was remembering these trees as I thought about my word for this year. At the beginning of 2019 I chose the word purpose to define my year. As the year closes, I can see how my purpose has grown this year and how it has come to life in new ways. 

  20 years ago a seed was planted in my heart to work with Latin American countries. I always thought that would mean going to a country and living there. Then as I had children and life unfolded in curious ways, I thought that was a desire I'd made up. But over the last few years those seeds which were planted 20 years ago came to life. The roots were deep. They'd been growing. But sometimes one needs to mature and be prepared to serve out the purpose. I am certain if I had attempted to go to such a country 20 years ago, God still would have used me, but perhaps in a very different way. Instead, while the years have taken me down many roads, through hard experiences, I have grown up in a way that now God has brought those dreams back to life and is using them in a way I never dreamed possible.

 The seed was planted 20 years ago. Its roots always existed. Much like branches on a tree endure storms and bend with the wind, I have battled the winds of life at times. I have endured storms. But through the last few years of water, of light- true light- He has unfolded a plan I never would have said would be my journey. This year in 2019, I opened a non-profit foundation to work with the displaced communities of Colombia. I am still learning through this. I at times feel completely under qualified, but yet those are often the ones God uses. And the dream grows. In 2020, we intend to launch workshops for women who have lived through violent and difficult situations. Those workshops will teach a trade for them to earn an income. The workshops will teach the women their value and worth in Chrit. And offer a place to heal and move forward. We pray that God will continue providing vision for this dream and help us unfold it.

 When a seed is planted, you don't know how the tree (or flower) will look or when its growth will fill out the branches. Much patience is required. A lot of care taking is involved. I had no idea 20 years ago that I would be blessed to serve the Colombians and the visions God would lay on my heart to serve from within the US but fulfill my purpose and dream of helping others in another country. Every tree looks different and serves a different purpose. Purpose is a beautiful thing....

 I'll share more about purpose in the next day as I close out this year and look towards 2020. 

Christmas thoughts and Abundant Life

The sun is streaming through the windows, and I walked outside without a coat today. It is a very rare day in December. Many are missing the snow falling, but I, for one, am enjoying the sunshine. In Ohio, that is rare to come by in the winter time.

 It is Christmas Eve. The memories swirl around me and hug me tight as I reflect on this year, and begin to think about the upcoming one ahead. I'm a natural deep-thinker, but this time of year always brings it more strongly through my thought process. As the year comes to a close, there will be more words to share on that. Today I reflect on other thoughts.

 Grief is a funny thing. It comes and goes and sneaks in where unexpected. This year, it has caught me off guard. It's been nearly 9 years since Mom passed away. This year, though, the Christmas season has been hard for me. Perhaps it has to do with wishing she could sit across the table from me and share a cup of coffee and celebrate the accomplishments of this year. Maybe it is in part due to the fact that my daughter is going through her Senior year of high school and a list of "lasts" are occurring, drawing upon a deep desire to have my mom to share these moments together and also needing sage advice from my wise mom. It could be the fact that this is the first year I did not bake our traditional cookie, my way of carrying on my mom through the holidays. However, time did not allow for that.... and the one thing I did try to make that she always did at the Christmas season, did not turn out stellar (ok, it did not turn out well AT ALL!) and I could not call her to ask her what I'd done or how to fix it....

 Whatever the case may be, I find myself missing her deeply this year. Grief is a funny thing.

 However, the sun shining through my living room window today reminds me of the hope that shined through my mom and (can) shine through me as well. It is a hope that exists because of the Christmas season itself. We place so much focus on gifts, decorating, baking, parties and festivities, that it can become easy to get overwhelmed with sadness of missing those not present and/or missing the point of the hope that we have EVERY DAY because of one day we celebrate in December.

 Today, in lieu of not being at work, I took some time to reflect on the Christmas story. I've grown up reading this story, hearing it, knowing it, even acting it out as my dad would read it Christmas Eve. So it always amazes me when new aspects jump out and bring new truths to mind.
 I've spent some time this year learning about my worth in Jesus Christ, which has helped shape me into a stronger person. Nonetheless, a part of me has always resonated with the underdogs in life. Jesus was often drawn to the underdogs, those people of society that others often rejected. Those people tell a story to me that sits deep in my soul. Today I reflected a lot on the Shepherds in the story of His birth.
 
  Shepherds were not a glorified group of people in the Bible times. I am far from being a scholar, so I am not going to launch into backgrounds or theology. But the fields were dirty, the hours were long, and the company was animals and nature. It was a lonely job, if I had to guess. I'm sure the pay was very minimal as well. However, the angels chose to appear to the Shepherds to tell them of the Savior's birth. I am sure that was no mistake. It foreshadowed so many things. In reading about this, and thinking on the shepherds, my mind got drawn to the book of John, where Jesus is the Good Shepherd. And in John 10:10 He says that the thief comes to steal and destroy, but He came to give life, and that we may have it to the fullest.

 I allow the thief to steal my joy at times. But He has come that I may always have joy. Even in the midst of struggles. Even in the midst of grief filled days 9 years later. Even in the midst of a not so successful baking. Even in the midst of every single moment of every single day. He came to us as a baby, which we celebrate at Christmas, and gave us the gift of abundant life to have forever.

 I'm so glad the the angels appeared to the shepherds, a group in society not so accepted. I am so thankful that He chose to love me, in spite of my insecurities and struggles.  I am also so glad that He was sent to us so many years ago so that today we can have continued abundant joy.