Today would be my mom's 71st birthday, so she is on my mind and heart more than normal. I started this blog as a way to process my thoughts after she passed away because it was rare to find someone around me who really understood that. I've been enjoying getting back to my writings, whether others read them or not. I don't always write about grief or my mom because life shifts and that comes in phases. But today feels a worthy way to remember mom a little, while utilizing the pensive time to recognize her in how she lives out through me, through my siblings, through my children.
If you asked me catch phrases or specific things my mom would say, I can't tell you exact words because there wasn't always that "one thing" like others may experience. She didn't have a phrase that I now repeat from having heard it so many times over. Do you follow me? But what my mom did have was a story for so many ways to relate to others. She also had a song for literally everything. And my mom had a very good listening ear. So what lives out in me that I find myself repeating are her songs and her actions.
When my mom wanted to learn scripture, she would make up a song for it so that she would learn it. Now, these were the days that King James Bible was more popular, so many of the scriptures I hold in my head and heart come from there.
Verses like "Be ye kind, one to another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." Ephesians 4:32 and she had a song for that.
As mom would sing these songs, I saw these ways lived out through her life. My mom was kind to all around her. I do mean that literally. I don't remember her saying things like "the Bible says to be kind, so that's what you need to do." But I do remember her songs and then more than that, watching her live those out. So inadvertently, she did leave me with simplistic piece of her that gets recalled upon a spark of a memory.
Her kindness was lived out through the many hours she would drive me back and forth, but how I can remember she would also pick up my (non-church) friends who wanted to come to church but had no way of getting there for having a single parent who was working and not at home. I remember that she would be kind to the girl in my class that others picked on. Mom did not go out of her way to be kind to a stranger, but she was always affecting people in that way simply by extending a smile. Instead of getting angry, mom would say "Oh bother" roll her eyes a little and keep going.
Mom would bake for people. She invited the widows over for lunch on Sundays and we would play games with them for hours- Grandma Murdoch, Mrs. Duddleston and others.
The list of kind acts my mom did could go on for a long time. I can even recall my mom , in her days of being sick, had a certain woman stop by the house. This woman, to be honest, was one that was very hard to have a conversation with because she talked forever and was inconsiderate of anyone around her. But she came to visit my mom, and my mom sat there kindly, let the lady talk, didn't push her away or say she wasn't up for it. She just loved others. She didn't leave me with a catch phrase, but she left me with so much more through her example.
I remember my mom every day, but of course on her birthday it is a time I am going to get lost in the memories of her more deeply. I'm not sad about it, but I am remembering her and I certainly do miss her. What I want to say is this, this something that my mom didn't say in so many words but she did by her example:
Be kind to others around you. You never know how they are feeling or what they are going through.
Forgive. Forgiveness is not so simple. It is hard, especially when not asked for. But as I am actively working on this, mom's KJV song comes to mind "Be ye kind one to another, tenderheartedly forgiving one another...." Forgiveness is hard. Kindness is, too, at times.
I leave with an active example of kindness I experienced today.
To celebrate mom's birthday, after she passed, we started a tradition in our home of having donuts on her birthday. Baking a cake felt too weird. But this morning, as I went to get those donuts, the gal behind the counter was so kind to me. She didn't know me. She didn't know today would be a hard day for me. She had no idea why I was buying donuts. But she was kind, just because. And her kindness will sit with me all day.
So, to the gal at dunkin donuts, thank you for being kind... just because.
Being kind makes a difference. Not for a reason. Not for a return. Just because. Being kind is being the light and life of Jesus to all those around you. My mom taught me that in her every day interactions. I am thankful for her life and will celebrate her today. Happy Birthday, Mom.
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