Getting back up

I stared at my palms, trickling a bit of blood. I wanted to quit. I thought about it. But I got back up and kept going...

 Yesterday on my run, I fell hard. My foot caught a crack in the sidewalk just the wrong way and as hard as I tried to keep myself from hitting the pavement, it was happening. As soon as the trip came, I worked my muscles to pull myself upright so i would not fall, but when I kept propelling my feet forward in an effort to gracefully continue (hey... it has worked in the past to keep going without actually falling) my body said "nope. This is happening." And so I managed to get my hip to hit closer to the grass and catch myself on my palms.

 But not without a little bit of blood and even more frustration.

 The fall happened quickly. I skid across the sidewalk a little bit, but I stood up. I looked at my palms, which were throbbing, and very seriously considered calling my husband to come get me. But, as frustrated as I was, I needed to finish that run.

 I can count on one hand in 10 years how many times I have fallen when running. That's a good thing, as if I had to use two hands to count my falls I might be in worse shape. But every time I fall, I learn a new thing about myself.

 Right now, I am re-learning some aspects of believing in myself. Running has always taught me that. For that reason, amongst others, I love the sport. I am not an elite and never will be, but I learn that I am capable of more than I credit myself. I learn that I can do what I put my mind to. Running teaches me to move past words said or opinions held and be me. I love that running teaches me to keep going.

 So, when I fell yesterday, i was reminded of this lesson. The truth is, I have a "race" this weekend and it will be my first since October. I won't be racing against anyone but myself. I know I'm going to have to push hard because it's going to hurt a little.(okay, maybe a lot.)  The competitor in me may be slightly frustrated for the backwards momentum of my ability to run because of the circumstances of life. But here is running once again teaching me that I CAN. and I WILL. so I am really looking forward to this event, just because for me, it is proof to myself that I am more than what I often believe. And that is one reason I run. Because it helps me believe.

 I am a dreamer, a goal setter and a go-getter. I sometimes fail, I sometimes go backwards. But I always get back up and keep going.
 I may be stagnant at times, but I figure out how to muddle my way through it and come out stronger. And that is sometimes the only way God teaches me, or rather, the only way I stop to listen. Because when you're stuck in the mud, so to speak, forced to slow down on whatever it is.... I figure out it's time to listen.

 Falls are the same way. Like a knock over the head (or scraped, bloody palms....) a fall teaches me God is there. He's waiting. He's leading. And He's encouraging me always to get back up and keep going. Don't let life knock me down. Don't let the words stop me. Don't let others' actions get in my way. Follow Him. Keep going. Let Him clean off the rocks from my wounds and take my hand and lead me (to the finish line....)

 So yep... yesterday I fell really hard. It hurt a lot (and my muscles today are reminding me how they helped catch me....) but I am glad I fell. Because I remembered that when I fall or get knocked down, I have the courage and the strength to get back up and keep going.