Hodge Poge

Today is just going to be a bunch of hodge poge of my thoughts. To be quite honest, there are several deeper blogs brewing inside the details of my head and heart, but so much so it's almost overwhelming to break it down.
 So, for today, and until I can find a sense of regularity with this again (which may be not still for a while) I share my hodge poge thoughts.

 May is almost over and I have learned so much over the last few weeks, let alone this entire year thus far in 2018. I share some sketches of May with you...

 - My son turned 14! How is possible that as he finishes up 8th grade and moves to high school both of my babies will be high schoolers?? I love them so much. Something I have learned about "momming" the last few weeks are this:
   
Although it is no surprise, time is flying by fast and soon these kids of mine will fly into the world in their own ways. I want to savor these  years. I loved the toddler years, I was a stay at home mom. the preschool and elementary years were fun, too. But as they have grown and become more independent adults, I find little things I still want to teach them, lessons I wish they had gotten when they were younger and I am working hard these days to savor the moments with them...
 Play more games, go to more events, drive them without complaint, listen to my daughter's stories, let my son tell sarcastic jokes.
 This winter was way too full of providing (which is necessary) but now it's time to be more available and live in the moment and savor the time with them. I have been very much aware of this lately.

- In May I got to do 2 10K races. I shed 3 minutes between the two of them (meaning the first one I finished and felt good about what I did because of what winter had been and the second one I ran 2 weeks later was 3 minutes faster!) It feels good to be regularly running again. I feel some kind of goal coming on...

- School. Whew. The deeper I get into the harder it gets (DUH!)  I start off every semester by saying "this one is going to be challenging" so much so that my friends really just kind of laughs at me for that. Really it's just a matter of developing a new routine every semester along with life's schedule. This semester all 3 courses are online, which is OK, but who knew Astronomy was going to be SO HARD! I have to take 2 sciences and I picked astronomy thinking it would be kind of cool to study the stars, etc. Um... that was the not so educated me choosing. Astronomy is no joke. This semester is short but... it's going to be very challenging. Cultural anthropology is up my alley, however, carving time to read is the trick. In a (hopefully) soon to come blog, I will share about the group that awarded me the scholarship I am using to be able to take classes this summer. They are a neat group of people who would fall into things I've learned the last few weeks...

This is an example of a chart I did this week... it took me way too long but I did end up with a decent grade on it! However, it really took me a long time to understand and do it. 

- Change is inevitable. It is part of life. they say the only constant in this life is change, which is rather an ironic saying. But nonetheless, I have been sifting through a number of changes taking place around me... processing them, sometimes being way too emotionally spent over them. I am an analyzer- I look at every angle, every detail I possibly can to a point of it driving myself nuts at times. As change has been taking place around me the last few weeks I am recognizing strengths that have not had the ability (or maybe chose not to??) to  shine. While these can challenge me, it also excites me to see this growth and pushes me to keep being that person. I also can see my weaknesses. Change does that - it opens the eyes if we let it. I am choosing to let it. BUT I have to admit to you it took me some days of wrestling, exhausting moments of anxiety and a very good friend to lovingly push me to get to this place of doing better to embrace the change and shine through it.

 And that was May in a nutshell. Lots of learning moments. It's interesting to me that the times I experience the strongest growth and push through in who I am becoming the more my old insecurities want to push through. That's my next thing to ponder and process, I suppose :)

 But one day at a time. As cliche as that may sound, I have also been reminded well of that in recent weeks, too. One day, one decision, one battle and one victory at a time.