2018 Colombian Adventures

This year I was blessed to travel to Colombia twice and get the additional experience of translating for 2 of my Colombian friends when they were in the US for a missions conference. 

 My experiences in Colombia have been life-changing. 20 years ago I felt a deep desire to serve God with Spanish speaking skills in a Latin American country. It has come full circle, and it looks different than I had envisioned as a 16 year old girl, but that's what makes God so awesome. 

 

Things take time... Our plans are not always His. I'd abandoned that dream and here He had a plan all along. I love being able to see that. 

 I have a difficult time summing up into adequate words what it is that my Colombian travels have taught me. Each trip grows me in new ways. I have found some of my closest friends in life, even though separated by miles. I have been challenged in my faith. I have learned how to speak the language better and I have a hundred + stories of ways I have seen God move. How can I place here the lessons these beautiful people, this rich culture have taught me? It's a challenge. Here are a few from this year....

 - Relationships are so much more important than things. 

    One thing I have noticed strongly of them in this year is that they don't speak poorly of one another. They would have every reason to be frustrated or angry just as much as we, here, get frustrated with our family or friends. Only I noticed the significant difference in how they respond. They cautiously word themselves. They even will often say "I don't want to damage anyone...."  

 I have thought on that a lot because I feel like here petty gossip is found in every corner. I know as hard as I try, I am guilty of this at times. In discussing this, I think that it boils down to they are a people who value people. Relationships are everything to them. To damage a person, even if that person has hurt them, is the last thing they want to do. People matter. Things don't. Whatever upsets them isn't worth tarnishing the other person in the process. That's beautiful. Are they perfect? No... but on more than one occasion, I saw this take place and it did not go unnoticed. It has challenged me. 

 

 - Happiness is not based on money, materials or location

   Now, the Colombians have been teaching me this since day 1. I have watched them live off nothing. But the more I've been able to develop my relationships with them, the more I see this. The more I ask questions and learn about their culture, the more I see the "material" poverty they truly experience. I realize just how little they have. Most of my friends there can fit all their belongings into one suitcase. The majority of them live off dollars... A MONTH! Not a day, but a month. Many of them have moved once or twice. But more times than I can count, they are telling me "God will provide... God is good." They are full of joy. Yes, they have hurts and frustrations, too, don't get me wrong. But in the midst of those, they laugh, they smile, they may cry but they soon pick themselves up and say "God's got this." I am not sure this lesson will ever cease to speak to me. It's beautiful and humbling. And challenges me all the time. I have ZERO reason to be complaining. 

 Yes, life here is different so the struggles are different. But they teach me perspective every day. I am lucky enough to get to speak with them each day and they are forever reshaping my views in good ways. Reminding me I'm loved and blessed. Reminding me of what is important

 - Laugh often

 I cry a lot, I admit. Crying expresses my hurts, my anger, my sadness, and my joy. So, yes, I cry often. But they laugh a lot. And it is contagious. I could be having the worst of days and get a call or message from them and their laughter is contagious. I want to laugh more. I want to shine that same joy that they have taught me. Besides the times with my mom in the past and the moments I get with my sister, I don't laugh as hard as I do when I am with them. Even if it has meant laughing at my own self. 

  I have learned so much from them, there are no adequate words. Live life to its fullest. In the bad and in the good, live life every day. Take chances. Say yes. Serve Jesus. Sing songs. Dance. Cry. Live life in whatever capacity is possible. Life is found in the moments, not in the materials. I knew this. But it reshaped in new ways. Meanwhile, I am asking hundreds of questions to better understand their culture and not impose mine. I am listening as much as they are willing to share. I am soaking in new perspectives that really remind me how blessed I am. I have struggles, yes. I fight depression, yes. But I do have so many blessings. They don't quit when they so easily could. Neither will I. What will a new year bring, people are asking? 365 opportunities. 

 They live that. I want to as well. 

   And hopefully I can teach that to those around me.

Reflecting on 2018 Fitness

Running... TRX... those are my fitness go-tos.

I love running because it teaches me I can do things I never thought possible, and it gives me determination to not quit. I love to run because when I run, I am free. My mind opens up in beautiful ways. I clear my head; I pound out frustration in ever step; I fight the anxieties and depression and I have the space to be free of that for 30 minutes; I breathe in fresh air and drink in the nature of the gorgeous sunrises, the fresh falling snow, the shining moon against a star-lit sky, the deer romping in the park and birds singing the spring songs of welcoming new days. I feel and see God around me and I enjoy myself before the world's worries come crashing in through the day.

 TRX has become a way of fitness I discovered by accident, but have fallen in love with it. It pushes me to go beyond my limits of strength. It reminds me that in my weakness He is strong. I find new muscles I didn't know existed and also I realize how the body is such an incredible force of nature. In TRX I have found companionship of friends at the gym, and I look forward to their welcoming words, high fives and silly jokes at 6 am on Tuesdays and Thursdays. TRX has taught me I am a fighter. I don't quit, even though at times I desperately have wanted to do so.

 This year, fitness has been a challenge for me. While I am passionate about both of these "sports", education at times took priority. Because of that, I lost some of my physical fitness progress. I used to be able to do a 3+ minute plank but have fallen back to under 2 minutes of endurance; I used to run a half marathon without issues (albeit slowly, but nonetheless finishing). But I had to many times choose taking an online exam over going for a run. I had to choose shifting my work schedule to take a class on campus, thus missing months of TRX class. I also have had the overhanging cloud of depression and anxiety that have loomed larger at times this year. To some, those words are excuses. And while I understand that, I also say that it is real. Some days it took all I had to get up and do a workout. I had to have a pep talk with myself that while yes, I lost progress, I was winning because I wasn't letting the negative emotions win me over. I had to fight against those moments often this year, and usually silently.

Anxiety and Depression are silent battles. They are often looked down upon by society, but I like to share about it because I believe that it's important we share, we talk about these issues. It's not a stigma it once was, but for those of us who battle it, we do feel shame over that at times. I have learned to embrace it for what it is, recognize its heightened moments and learn how to fight against it. To do so takes every ounce of energy at times that I have, but I fight it. I fight it by working out. That's one reason I really do enjoy physical fitness. I enjoy the heavy lifting and the pushing limits. Because when I feel knocked down, accomplishing a race or reaching a new moment in TRX remind me I am capable. Admittedly at times this year, that "capable" was simply dragging myself to the gym or convincing myself to lace up my shoes.

 This year I ran a few 5Ks and a couple of 10Ks. This was the first year in 10 years to not run a half marathon, my favorite distance. I missed it. I sometimes admit I get jealous of those around me who are participating in those events and accomplishing amazing results, of people who have made friends through the sport and have all their photos posted of their runs. But I have to remind myself each season of life brings different ways of growth, different opportunities and different needs that must be met. I chose work over a long run many days in light of the changes we faced; I chose class on campus over class at the gym; I chose sleep at times over a 5:30 am run. But even in being less active, I was able to learn about myself, just as much, but in different ways, than when I had events every month.

 I gained weight. I probably didn't always help my mental health. But I learned through it all that each season brings different lessons of life. Each season  holds different priorities and new opportunities. I met new people who changed my perspective, I just didn't meet them out on the race course. I discovered new dreams, just not always through long runs every weekend. I recognized the fighter in me. I got frustrated with myself many times in my running (or lack thereof) and also in losing ground in my strength; however, I felt proud of myself for not quitting in any of it when sometimes all I really wanted to do was shut down.

 It's not always about how fast you run or how far you go, it's about the heart within you. It's not always about reaching the goal, it's about what you learn along the way. It's not always about the time on the clock, but it's about having a good time in the process. It's not always about who you run with, but about the people you meet along the way.

 I have set out some ambitious goals for my 2019, but with the understanding it's possible they may get interrupted. We never know what the next day is going to bring. Life is a journey. I have struggled through this year in certain aspects, but also learned the most about myself ever and grown leaps and bounds and while my growing waist line threatens to leave me frustrated, I honestly know that with that has come significant personal growth and I would not change it for a second.  By far my favorite verse, which applies to fitness in some aspects, but remains strong in my every day way of life for a variety of reasons is:

 2 Cor. 12:9-10 "Each time He said to me: "My grace is sufficient for you. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

 2018 pushed me to new limits. Dare I say: bring it on, 2019!??

Growth in 2018

"Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning."  Benjamin Franklin


 If I had to sum up this year in one word it would be: Growth.

 I have not written in this space for some time now, and as I have been reflecting the last several days, I have wanted to share about my experiences this year. Today, I will sum up some of those into one blog for you. But, because I am quite the wordy person when I process, I will break it down over the next few days into categories.

 2018 has been a year of change. Change forces reflection and growth. We can't always see it in the moment, but looking back, we can find it if we take time to reflect.

In my job, I experienced many changes - a new boss, some coworkers leaving, new ones coming on and a promotion for myself as well.

My kids are growing up, with my daughter working now and actively taking horse lessons and going out with friends. (And sometimes driving.) My son joined ROTC at school and is growing in his own self as well. I love that these things are happening. It's not to say that change is bad... it is not. But it does bring growth. Being a mom of teenagers is a challenge. Letting go and allowing the balance of independence mixed with still being a firm parent is not easily done, and I am learning through my own mistakes at times.


 My education continues to move forward and that reshapes my thinking at times; it challenges me mentally many days, but it also pushes me to learn my own views more in depth. Through the education, I continue to grow in many ways. I love talking about what I am learning - the challenges of it, the excitement of it and even the moments I do not like ( Biology was such a class for me... thank goodness that is over!) I have felt beat up by the classes at times and have also found great satisfaction in them. The classes I have taken have taught me so much... and also helped me see  how much I don't know.

 Fitness... well, my education trumped my fitness many days of this year. It remains a priority for me, but often times it had to take the back seat to either sleep or classes because those 2 things were a greater priority. I never abandoned my fitness, I just had to take it down a notch, which was not easy for me and leaves me thirsty with goals to improve in 2019. However, shifting this area of life also taught me many lessons. This is why I will dedicate separate blogs to each of these categories over the next few days.

 I began my year by choosing the word "Faith" as my word for the year, having no idea how my faith would shape me. I can't say I abided in it all the time, nor did I let it guide me always. But I do know I held on to it for dear life when the changes felt unbearable or the waves of depression or anxiety threatened to be too much for me. Change brings growth, growth reshapes faith in all new ways. I had zero idea beginning this year what changes were going to be part of my story; looking back over the year, I am thankful for them. They exhausted me at times, but I am a stronger and better person for them. As the song says "On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand..."

The "category" of work, well... this area may be one which taught me the hardest and best lessons this year. At the beginning of 2018, I actually spent time working 2 jobs. I worked during the week at the marathon office as normal, and on the weekends, I worked in a home for dementia residents. Those beautiful old people taught me many lessons. Lessons which can't be written down, but are ones to be lived. Those people, who so much of society (and even their own families) disregard, taught me love and laughter.
 Along with that job and lessons learned, came the hundreds of lessons I incurred with the changes that took place in my full time job. The changes have had challenges, but through it all I have discovered many new qualities of myself. I look forward to sharing this more.

 I traveled to Colombia two times; I had the incredible opportunity to serve as a translator here in the States for a week in October; I ran a few races and saw a few places; I made new friends, which also helped shape growth; I laughed a lot but I probably cried more. I stood up to bullies. I gave up some desires only to watch God give them to me in different ways. This year has been exhausting at times and exhilirating in others.

 As I began the word with the year "Faith", I feel I may have done an injustice to its definition. But faith is truly always growing, and that is what this year has been about for me. As I share more in depth, you may understand more. I want to continue to embrace this word every day, to bring more justice to the One in whom I place my faith.

 In the beginning of the blog, I used a quote by Benjamin Franklin. "Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievment, and success have no meaning."
  Through the growth I experienced this year, I for sure found progress in myself, I feel improvement in my development, and I have seen more successes. None of those would have been possible without the challenges.
 2018 was a hard year in many ways, mostly unseen and unknown to most, and yet by far the year in which I have learned to embrace who I am in all new ways and continue to progress and move forward.

I Dare Myself

"First, Think. Second, Dream. Third, Believe. And Finally, Dare." -Walt Disney

 I could drown my brain in quotes and never get tired of them; especially quotes about believing and dreaming. That's because I do that. I am a goal setter, a dreamer and finally, a "darer".  There are times my "dare" does not turn out to be at all what I imagined or dreamed. In fact, it many times turns out very differently from what my envisioned goal was. However, along the way, I always learn valuable lessons, which are worth more than the original intention most of the time because those lessons push me to become a better me.

I've taken a long break from 'serious' running. By serious, I mean a dedicated training plan. I haven't lost the passion for the sport, nor have I quit lacing up and going out early in the morning. However, between the demands of my classes this past semester, the changes in my daily life at work, and the other struggles that come with being a wife and a mom,  running races or long distances became less of a priority. Recently, I put it back on the goal list because I have missed it.

 As I have set the alarm again for early Saturday mornings, I have rediscovered the joy of....

 - the swish of a ponytail mixed with the smell of sweat
  - the beauty of the pink, purple and orange hues of sunrise
   - the feel of sore muscles having pushed up the hills and adding miles
    - clearing my head to start my day.
- a concrete exercise goal
 - deer playing in the park as the fog rises off the pond
  - with more running comes a desire to have cleaner eating
    - the feeling of believing in myself that comes with accomplishing the hard goals

The joy of thinking it up, dreaming about it, believing in myself and daring to do it.

Running is not new to me, of course. Training is not unfamiliar. But when it falls by the wayside more or less,  I am starting from a place of scratch. I am pretending as though I've not done a race before and starting with the basics.

 But I am rediscovering the inner voice that teaches me to believe in myself through being diligent in my morning runs again. Running, for me, isn't about crushing a PR or losing weight. It's not about fame or obtaining an age group award. Running, for me, honest to goodness helps me be the best version of me. It helps me think clearly. Running connects me deeper with my creator, God. Running gives me space in nature that an office desk just can't provide. Running reminds me I am capable of far more than I allow myself to think.

 So, do I dare?

  I do dare....

The Little Things

Today, things that I am grateful for... some little, some big.

 1. A new job. Same office, different focus. It's kind of strange to be in a different desk and it's a little challenging to change the mindset, but it's really exciting to have a new opportunity and see new growth through this. I am thankful.

2. Answers to prayer. We sometimes are told no, we sometimes see a yes. Other times we are told to wait. But it is so incredible to pray in faith, be obedient in my role of the request and watch God do amazing things. I love when that happens.

3. Gladiolus Flowers. My favorites! They are so beautiful and I love what they represent. My friend showed up at my door with them yesterday. They make me smile :)

4. When you get a text that says "Has anyone told you you're amazing today? Because you are."  For really no reason except to encourage me. Things and words like that make me smile and go a very long way.

5. A good, sweaty workout. I do not like stair workouts nor speed workouts and I tend to avoid them, but in the end, I know it's what is good for me and I feel better after I've done one. I'm far from where I want to be physically at this moment in time, but .... back to the basics and enjoying the process of what will be recreating a new routine for me.

6. Education. As hard as this semester has been, I have 3 weeks to go. A 12 week semester, I tell you, has felt like 22 weeks! However, my cultural anthropology class has opened my eyes in many ways, and I have thoroughly enjoyed it. Astronomy, on the other hand, well... not so much. However, through this class I am learning to let go of perfection and accept the challenges that come with this particular class and grow through it. It isn't really about what educationally I am learning in this class so much as what it is teaching me about myself and life.

  Life has challenges and changes... but there are always blessings to be found. These 6 are just a few from my week this week. TGIF my friends!

Another Trip To Brisas del Mar

“A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal.” 

― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

Words speak volumes to me, but so do actions. Hugs go a very long way, a person holding the hand when I cry says more than any one word can ever do, or a person laughing alongside me, extending grace and freedom to be who I am carries me farther than I can even begin to explain. As Steve Maraboli said…. a kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. If i may elaborate on that, I also would say that those wounds sometimes lie inside a place that the person extending the gesture would never see or even know their gesture is touching.

 That is what it is like for me in Brisas del Mar. In Brisas, every time I go, I find more healing, I regain strength in who God has made me to be. Sometimes I go, not even realizing the depth of my wounds but only to discover through tears and hugs, the healing is found when I am there. Words cannot sum up my week spent there. Every time I go, I try to come home and recapture the stories to those around me who will take time to listen. I share hundreds of photos and try to explain all the little inside jokes, the things that make me laugh in the middle of the day that would make absolute zero sense to anyone else around me. But it’s inadequate to describe this village that has captured my heart. I so love these people for a million reasons. 

I really don’t think much of myself, but I am reminded that God called the disciples from all walks of life… fishermen, tax collectors, and normal every day guys. And I realize without a doubt, that today, I am called just like they were. I don’t understand it, nor do I feel worthy of it. But I believe that He wants to use me there… or perhaps it’s more that He takes me there so I can be more efficiently used here.Because as much as I go try to share the love of Jesus with those people, they end up teaching me more about love than they can ever know. I am not the only one to say that, but each person’s story is unique. And God is using the people of Brisas to bring healing to my heart. When I feel weak, their words and their hugs carry me so far. It’s not magic…. it’s simply the love of Jesus carried out through others. And it’s that same love I want to share and be to those around me. But in my every day life here, I wrestle at times with that, feeling unworthy, feeling not good enough, feeling like “who am I to do this?” . It’s difficult to compare my life to theirs… it’s two cultures, two very different circumstances, two very different ways of life.

I have a home with a soft bed and air conditioning and for pity sake, a working toilet. They have a “shak” of sorts, with a thatched roof, a makeshift bed (for most of them) and certainly no toilets. I have hot water. They have what’s available. I have food and luxuries. They are happy with rice and coconuts. I have electronics and internet and tv. They have… none of that. I have had hard days, but really, I don’t know what “hard”  is. They have no money, often no food, no means of transportation and certainly no federal support in improving. And yet they capture everything with their hugs, with their laughter, with their love. I wish I could bottle it up and bring it home because it’s such a beautiful image, I want to freeze it to have forever. It’s in my heart, but busy life and harsh words so often cloud the gorgeous picture of joy I capture in those few days. The wounds that find healing in Brisas seem to get picked back open wide upon return, making the moments seem like a blink in time. 

 So this time, I am determined to carry those acts of compassion, those words of love, to a deeper level that changes me. That might bring change that is even scarier to face. But what can really be scarier than continuing to lose myself in the mess of hurt and pain when God has called me to serve him freely? He has called me to laugh and love. 

And so as I process things learned, I want most to carry on this joy that grows deeper in me each time I go. This joy that comes not from words of others, per say, although that helps, and not from hugs, although also those help bring healing. But the joy that I find in who Christ has made me to be. The joy that the people of Brisas help me see about who I am, because Christ uses them to help me heal places I didn’t even know needed it. I want to push that joy outward, so while there may still be moments of sadness, all in all, I live in His joy. 

 And in the meantime, I will hang onto and remember all the silly moments and things we expereinced together. Moments I don’t want to forget  that will not make sense to anyone but will always make me smile: like David’s "Uno, Dos, Tres… Uno…. " when Yuleida was in the hole digging.

 Or when Steve nearly rolled into the hole himself trying to pull Tom out. Or when David kindly said to Karen as she climbed down “I’m going to be at your posterior” (that is to say, he was going to touch near her butt to help her down into the 8 foot hole we'd dug). Or the moment of my trying to catch Greg the gecko, dumping Marilyn’s dirty clothes looking for him, and then startling Yulieda by tickling her foot. Or how every time John measured the hole in the last day he kept telling us 40 / 43/ 42 more cm to go! It never ended. Or Tom’s face, how it totally fell when John said “one more to go” And Tom was so excited because he thought it was one more foot, only to realize it was One more METER = 3 more feet! Miguel with his “what happened” phrase on this trip. 

 Or Pastor Dani’s ridiculous rhymes… Discrimination…. Chickato… and all the things like that he would say at dinner, with the very little English he knew. The song "Te Amo I love You". and "Vamos A Cantar". The beautiful program that was put together for our goodbye. And dancing for a long while after it. or how it was said to me “Don’t cry. We don’t want to remember sadness, we want to think on the happy things. Don’t let others or hard moments steal your joy, but focus on the beautiful. you will be back soon. Focus on that, and not on the goodbye”  

I go to Colombia because I feel called. However, I think God calls me there not just to translate for the team or love on the people, but so that they can teach me what God so hard tries to engrain into me, but I wrestle so deeply with in my daily life here. He tries to teach me how much He loves me and wants me to be happy and wants me to live freely. 

The time has come for me to implement these lessons in new ways. Change is scary. But as I have watched my whole job and career change over the last few months, then I walked into Colombia with a  change of staff in Brisas, to the changes I am finding in myself… God is showing me that whether or not the beginning of the change was something He designed, His hand is in every piece of it. I need to let my heart trust the changes he is implementing. Not to believe in myself, per say, or the words of others, (although those are important) but to believe in that which God is showing me and teaching me. It comes back to faith….. the word I chose at the beginning of this year, and the one which has a profound meaning, deeper than can ever be put into words. 

 “A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal.” 

It is time to heal because those kind gestures have touched me deeper in these days than I ever thought possible. 

 (PS. To end on a less serious note... I have a new android phone and I have a MAC computer. I'm really not tech savvy, so I have yet to figure out how to get my android photos onto my Mac , although people have kindly tried to explain it, it's remained a low priority. I want to share photos, but... you can find them on my Facebook page if you look me up. I'm lucky I got a blog up here, the connecting of the photos can wait. ) 

Hodge Poge

Today is just going to be a bunch of hodge poge of my thoughts. To be quite honest, there are several deeper blogs brewing inside the details of my head and heart, but so much so it's almost overwhelming to break it down.
 So, for today, and until I can find a sense of regularity with this again (which may be not still for a while) I share my hodge poge thoughts.

 May is almost over and I have learned so much over the last few weeks, let alone this entire year thus far in 2018. I share some sketches of May with you...

 - My son turned 14! How is possible that as he finishes up 8th grade and moves to high school both of my babies will be high schoolers?? I love them so much. Something I have learned about "momming" the last few weeks are this:
   
Although it is no surprise, time is flying by fast and soon these kids of mine will fly into the world in their own ways. I want to savor these  years. I loved the toddler years, I was a stay at home mom. the preschool and elementary years were fun, too. But as they have grown and become more independent adults, I find little things I still want to teach them, lessons I wish they had gotten when they were younger and I am working hard these days to savor the moments with them...
 Play more games, go to more events, drive them without complaint, listen to my daughter's stories, let my son tell sarcastic jokes.
 This winter was way too full of providing (which is necessary) but now it's time to be more available and live in the moment and savor the time with them. I have been very much aware of this lately.

- In May I got to do 2 10K races. I shed 3 minutes between the two of them (meaning the first one I finished and felt good about what I did because of what winter had been and the second one I ran 2 weeks later was 3 minutes faster!) It feels good to be regularly running again. I feel some kind of goal coming on...

- School. Whew. The deeper I get into the harder it gets (DUH!)  I start off every semester by saying "this one is going to be challenging" so much so that my friends really just kind of laughs at me for that. Really it's just a matter of developing a new routine every semester along with life's schedule. This semester all 3 courses are online, which is OK, but who knew Astronomy was going to be SO HARD! I have to take 2 sciences and I picked astronomy thinking it would be kind of cool to study the stars, etc. Um... that was the not so educated me choosing. Astronomy is no joke. This semester is short but... it's going to be very challenging. Cultural anthropology is up my alley, however, carving time to read is the trick. In a (hopefully) soon to come blog, I will share about the group that awarded me the scholarship I am using to be able to take classes this summer. They are a neat group of people who would fall into things I've learned the last few weeks...

This is an example of a chart I did this week... it took me way too long but I did end up with a decent grade on it! However, it really took me a long time to understand and do it. 

- Change is inevitable. It is part of life. they say the only constant in this life is change, which is rather an ironic saying. But nonetheless, I have been sifting through a number of changes taking place around me... processing them, sometimes being way too emotionally spent over them. I am an analyzer- I look at every angle, every detail I possibly can to a point of it driving myself nuts at times. As change has been taking place around me the last few weeks I am recognizing strengths that have not had the ability (or maybe chose not to??) to  shine. While these can challenge me, it also excites me to see this growth and pushes me to keep being that person. I also can see my weaknesses. Change does that - it opens the eyes if we let it. I am choosing to let it. BUT I have to admit to you it took me some days of wrestling, exhausting moments of anxiety and a very good friend to lovingly push me to get to this place of doing better to embrace the change and shine through it.

 And that was May in a nutshell. Lots of learning moments. It's interesting to me that the times I experience the strongest growth and push through in who I am becoming the more my old insecurities want to push through. That's my next thing to ponder and process, I suppose :)

 But one day at a time. As cliche as that may sound, I have also been reminded well of that in recent weeks, too. One day, one decision, one battle and one victory at a time.