However, while there is seriousness to this topic, I find myself really wanting to talk about something besides the virus. Continuing life as normal as possible, whatever normal is. Normal changes rapidly, honestly. Colombia is typically my go-to topic of choice as I continue growing and learning. Writing helps me process what I'm learning and share those lessons with others. However, today I want to write about my mom.
I have written countless stories about my mom and it often seems there may not be one left to share. Yet somehow, it feels there will never be ones I run out of, if that makes any sense. Today is a day that changed my world 9 years ago. Today, March 20, is the day that my mom went home to heaven. I have written many times about what that day was like. Today it is easy to recall the day as if I were living it out again. The details of those moments are ones forever engrained as part of my story.
Today I watched a video play back of what we put together for mom's funeral. That's the story I want to talk about today. Yes, I get sad many times missing my mom. The ache of not having her when I am frustrated about work to call and share is an ache that physically hurts at times in my chest. The tears fall when I feel sad and cannot call her. The joy I have when I get to do tasks I love, such as work on the foundation or travel to Colombia or plan a marathon - that joy that I cannot sit over coffee with my mom and tell her all about it does create heartache at times. And I allow for those moments because that is part of grief. I visited the cemetery today and let myself cry there.
But this moment, this is a moment to remember her with joy, too. The video brought back a lot of memories I hadn't thought about in a long time with her. First of all, my mom used to sing a song to me as a child each night before bed. Then she sang it to the grandkids as they were babies and growing up. She sang the song "I have decided to follow Jesus". Mom lived out that decision in her every day life, reading her Bible, praying for others, inviting people over, sacrificing financially all the time when there was little to sacrifice. On the video, the grandkids, who mostly were fairly young, sang the song to begin the video of mom.
The video was a compilation of photos of mom's life. She grew up in Minnesota, where winter is brutal. But mom enjoyed winters. (She did not pass that on to me!) She was Sweedish, after all. There were photos of her ice fishing. There were also photos of her fishing in the summer time. One photo was from a time she took my dad up to the lake for a visit and he had fish as well. I can't ever really remember a time of my dad eating fish, let alone fishing. But there he was in the photo, grinning like a boy in love. That was their relationship... love and laughter. And doing things the other enjoyed.
There was a photo of mom and dad playing around like a cowboy saying "stick 'em up" (maybe today that is a rarity, but there was a time that was a game). Dad had a handkerchief around his face, mom, turning her head in laughter. Photos from their wedding, photos from our family growing up, all 4 of us kids. We didn't have many vacations, but there was a photo of us in Texas, where mom's parents lived for a time. I remember that vacation, where we traveled the 6 of us in the Chevy Impala hours and hours to arrive at Texas. I was very young, but I even recall on that trip crossing the border (on foot) into Mexico and visiting a little touristy area.
In the video was a photo of mom holding a trash can with a big bow on it. My mom was so simple and the smallest things made her smile. That was what she wanted for Christmas- a trash can. So that year we sent her on a treasure hunt for that can and once she finally got there, she seriously grinned as silly as the photo shows.
She loved children and children loved her. She taught Sunday School at church for nearly 40 years. She was an education major at Cedarville (College) University but chose to stay at home once she had children. The video has many photos of her holding my kids, my sister's kids and even other babies. You can see her attentively playing games with them. And always, always she had a smile. She liked to be silly, wearing tea party hats or making funny faces or telling stories that made everyone laugh.
Watching the video again reminded me of many stories of her life. She was the youngest of 7, with two sets of twins in that family. She was teased and the stories go on about the tricks they liked to play on her. However, they loved her fiercely and I really enjoy seeing the photos of her with her 6 siblings and how they even hovered a bit over her.
You see, while I feel I have shared many stories, the memories will always surface with more. Writing about them makes me smile about her instead of cry. Sharing about her life keeps her legacy alive. She is gone and I miss her fiercely. But her words and her memories burn inside me, keeping the smile that she had every day as a part of me as well.
People will often comment on my smile, when they see it genuinely, that it is a wonderful feature of mine. I got that from mom. Oh, my dad loves to laugh just as much... but the smile I have I contribute to my mom.
I miss her today, but I miss her every day. I hope that I never forget these stories and that we keep telling them and one day my kids tell them. I can hear her laugh when I see these photos.
9 years ago today I said goodbye to my mom. But she will forever be a part of my story that I will keep telling.
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