Prayer with a semi-colon

I'm taking you a bit with me on my journey of prayer this year…what I am learning through it and what I see God do through it.
 Pray is my word for the year, and as we are 2 weeks into the year, I am already learning many lessons through this journey.
  I loved what my pastor, Casey Cockerham, said today (which, by no coincidence, was a service totally dedicated to praying). He said
  "Don't end your prayer with a period; end it with a semi-colon. Pray without ceasing."
We are encouraged to pray without ceasing, but who has the time to do that? Well, prayer doesn't have to be profound. It can be one word, echoing within the chambers of the heart and mind, and God hears that. It can be a tear rolling down the cheek and the words full of fear saying "Oh, God"  It can be a prayer of peace whispered for Him alone in the quiet of the morning, only to be interrupted 5 minutes later with a crying child or a frustrated spouse. The point is…it continues through the day. And I loved the way it was worded: to end it with a semi-colon.
   Let me take you into my Sunday morning beginning…. and let's be honest here….many of us have these type of starts to a day and Sunday is often times no different, if not even worse at times.
   Nothing seemed to fit right on me out of the closet.
 My middle school daughter was having a meltdown about….I'm not even sure what.
     It was an emergency to have…..breakfast….because we hadn't grocery shopped yet this weekend.
The kind of morning when I felt like I could do nothing right.
    And well, the last thing I felt like doing was stopping to pray.

 And yet that is what my heart needed most on this morning. A quiet moment- even just a second or two- that I didn't carve out like I should have. It could have been as brief as a semi-colon moment. It would have made the difference.
  And as I left in a rush to get off to church, I felt that familiar nudge inside my heart telling me to pause and pray.
   And then I arrive to a service dedicated entirely to prayer.
 It goes without saying that the majority of the service, I was quite the bucket of (quietly dropping) tears. Because it was totally what my heart needed this morning.

 It is what my heart needs every morning.
   From the time I wake up and grab my morning coffee until I crash at the end of the night.
   Prayer with a semi-colon. Prayer that continues all day long. Brief at times.
     Longer at other moments.
Prayer for the day…
  Prayer for my heart to follow His
    Prayer for the hurting customer….
       Prayer for the frustrated co worker….
 Prayer for the children's day….
    And the list goes on.
          Pray without ceasing. View it as a semi-colon. That is the lesson my heart learned today in my journey of the word shaping my year.
                    One prayer, one moment, one day at a time. Nothing is too big (or too small) for His care.

winter wonderland workouts

Friday will be my day to bring you stories of my running and what I am learning along the way. Some might be stupid stories; some profound; some just what the training is for me in the week. So, here is the first in my Friday series…
             Friday morning. 4 am. (Insert yawn here)
  Some days, getting up so early in order to fit in a training workout is REALLY hard.
   Snow fell lightly with big flakes all night long.
This week's weather has consisted of Monday and Tuesday being in the negative temperatures (yes…negative. With windchill factors, it was around -30) .
  Wednesday warmed up to 10 degrees; Thursday got into the 30s.
 I was feeling excited for a Friday morning outdoor run, because early week temperatures forced me onto the treadmill (which I loathe).
   The Thursday night snow took me by surprise, but will not stop me from putting on my spandex, my under armour clothing, and stepping out into the snowy swirls of this morning's crisp air.

   I am back in full on training again for a half marathon, so snow will not stop me.
Quite honestly, though I really don't love the cold weather at all (true Florida girl at heart, to be honest), I have come to thoroughly enjoy my winter wonderland workouts.
   Why?
 The snow that came in quietly all night greets me with a beauty unspeakable. The snow is yet to be disturbed, so it's pristine white. The pine trees are draped in a curtain of white, and the contrast in colors is breathtaking. No one else is out and about; it's me, (my dog), and God. This is the time I have come to love the most in the day…the moments where I am allowed to have uninterrupted time with God, accompanied by a good workout. There is a quietness found in the morning that cannot be found at any other time in my day. This is my time.
   
 Don't get me wrong: getting up every day at 4 is really tough at times. Moments come when I ask myself why I decided to go back to doing long distance again…
  But when I finish my morning run, whether it is speed, tempo, or otherwise, I always feel better. I'd almost forgotten how much I enjoyed training.
   I don't run to lose weight; I don't run because I need to do something with my time; I don't run because I have to…..
   I run because I love it.
 I am slow.
    I struggle at times.
        But with hard work put into it, running helps me in more ways than I can count.
And thus, I savor my winter wonderland workouts.

    Running has become a parallel for me to life. It is hard….it takes work….and most times it is mind over matter (especially when it comes to getting out of bed). But the more I stay with it, the more results I see, the better I feel.
   Life is like that…it is hard at times….it takes a lot of work to sometimes stick with it….and some days it is mind over the matter (or I must say…. even choosing truth over lies of the heart) but the closer I stick with God, and the more I keep pressing on….the more results of Him I see in me and the better I feel.
 
  So I train. In running….and in life.
    The race is months off and there will be many more 4 am days, not to mention, I have no doubt, many more cold days….
   But I will continue training one day at a time. It's one foot in front of the other, one deep breath after another, one run down, many more to go, but all one day at a time.
   

Coffee For Your Heart: You Are Significant

As 2014 is on its way, and we launch into all new projects, resolutions, goals, ideas and plans, I wanted to take a moment to tell you something.
 come closer…
  Grab your coffee…
I want you to know
   That YOU are significant. You matter.

I spent time in my life looking for this in wrong places at times; People would tell me, but I didn't believe them. I also had people ask me, "Don't you want to do more with your life than coffee?" Those words held a strong grip on my view of my own significance for a long time until I chose to break free from them and see what God wanted me to see in me. I really hope you will hear my heart on this and know that YOU are so significant.

  Your worth is not in your job, your tittle, your accomplishments, others' words, others' opinions or even in how you might view your own life.
 You are significant because….
      God created you unique.
 There is no other you.
         No one person in this world holds your talents, your thoughts, your desires or your abilities.
 No one person can do all that you do.

 Are you a stay at home mom?
   Are you a secretary?
       Are you a writer?
            Are you a project manager, a IT person, a party planner?
    Are you a barista?
Maybe a single parent striving to figure things out…
 Perhaps you may even have a title like a VP or CEO.
 Maybe no one even knows what you really do.
That isn't what matters, though...
       All of those jobs are important, but don't define you.
 YOU are significant because HE said so.
    You are loved, forgiven, important, chosen and a child of the One true King.
What could possibly be more significant than that??

   You are you….and the only one. So live the day to the fullest, and smile.
 Because you are significant. You matter.
                       

Fresh Beginnings and Prayer

I love fresh beginnings.
 New days.
   New years.
     New weeks.
      New goals.
Fresh.
   Lamentations 3:22 says His mercies are new every morning.
  Every day is a fresh beginning.

 My blog is titled "One day at a Time". That was  a lesson I did not really learn or embrace until I watched mom in her last days. The phrase one day at a time means something different to each person. But for me, I remember clearly I was sitting by mom's bedside, worrying about if that would be my last moment with her. In that moment, I also realized that by worrying if it was the last one, I was missing out on the fact that I still had her. I began to look at time and life and circumstances a bit differently. One day at a time. Every day fresh. New mercies. New beginnings. New ways to see God. New ways to live out a day. Fresh.
  Mom taught me about the importance of one day at a time; enjoying what is happening now- today- because if I am busy worrying about the next day, I am missing out on joy in the moment.

 If one day is a bad one, I wake up the next day reminding myself that His mercies are new every morning. A new day.

 We have just begun a new year. I haven't set out resolutions, per say, but I will share a couple thoughts as the year launches.
    Last year, I chose the word "diligent" to define the year. I wasn't going to choose another word this year, but upon a conversation with a friend, I decided to do so. My word for this year is "Pray"
  And it has become clear that it is the right choice, as since choosing this word, the messages at church have revolved around prayer. And, having no idea that this idea would be laid on my heart, I had asked for a book about prayer for Christmas, and just finished this book. leaving me even more excited about shaping my year around the word "Pray".
  I have seen great results when I take the time to pray, and this year, I'd like to be more defined by that.
   Having a bad day? I can't change it always, but I can pray, which changes me.
A fight with my spouse or a hard day with the kids? Pray. I can't change the moment per say, but I can change my attitude with prayer.
    Don't know what to do next? Worrying? So elated but no one around to share it with??? Pray.

Prayer applies to everything, everywhere, all the time. God is always there. And prayer changes. Not always in the way we anticipate, but it will bring a change.
  Prayer changes the person doing the praying.
  I don't think this will come as easily as it sounds, but it is my goal to define my year with prayer. In every aspect. Feel free to ask me about it any time….and hold me accountable :)

 This year you may see my blog take on a new life in some aspects.
   By prompting from Holley Gerth (www.holleygerth.com), a fellow blogger and fantastic author, I will participate once a week in a series called Coffee for Your Heart (could the title be more appropriate?? Not only do I love coffee and work with coffee every day, but I love having coffee with friends; hence the idea she is presenting. It's kind of like you will be having coffee with me for a day). It's a prompted writing each week, but it's my own words and thoughts and ideas, only many other bloggers will take place in it, too. You'll find me writing in Coffee for Your Heart on Wednesdays.
   I will do my best to a couple times a month write about what the word Pray is doing for me/teaching me as the time goes along. I have no  doubt I will see and experience and feel new things through prayer that I hope can encourage and inspire you, too.
   I will write each week about running in some aspect. Perhaps it'll be funny; perhaps inspirational; perhaps something that comes to my mind while running.
  So, whether you asked for it or not, you'll be hearing more from me this year….and I am very excited to bring you these blogs, one post, one day at a time.
     So as we launch into what most will look at as a new beginning (the new year) I want to remind you that it's not always about a new year….each day is a new, fresh beginning. What will you do with your fresh day?
 

2013 Recap

2013 comes to a close today. Like most people, I have been reflecting on this year. Thankfully, I am smiling much more about this year than I have in a long while in my reflections. Today's post is more like a journal entry, perhaps a peek into my soul in some aspects, than it is anything profound. But it's what's on my mind and heart, and thus I write it.

  I have found that this year was about significant, exciting growth for me.  I feel that through obedience to Christ and a new, profound understanding of grace, I have moved forward in pieces of my life that I  once viewed as roadblocks.
                                       2013 in review…..
 Anxiety once held a grip over my heart like the cold wind taking your breath away. I feared that I would never overcome this obstacle, that its grip would always hold tight on my emotions and reactions. And yet this year, I experienced a new freedom from anxiety I thought would never happen. It has been a refreshing breeze in my life to let go of what once held me down in this aspect. By God's grace, I was able to stop taking medication for this and a new sense of peace replaced the grip of the anxiety. For some, I know it's not that simple. I thought I'd never have that freedom again. But it is just that for me: a new sense of freedom; a weight lifted that once sat heavy on my heart. It does not mean I do not worry (on the contrary: those who know me, know I worry about WAY too much! ) But it means that I don't have to literally gasp for breath anymore because of panic attacks; it means that I don't cry quite as often; it means that I don't need a medicine to slow my heart down or calm my pounding fears. For me, it s a true freedom I haven't felt in a long time. And one I do not any longer take for granted.
   I still fight the depression. Believe me, I attempted to stop all medicines, thinking I was in a place to be able to no longer need them. And yet, through some battled emotions, some wise counsel, deep prayers,a good doctor and loving family and friends, I accepted the fact that this is still a battle I fight. And accepting that is in part a victory. Many are surprised to know I battle depression. It is my thorn, as Paul referred to something he constantly battled in  the book of Corinthians. I call depression my thorn. It makes me rely on God in all new ways; His strength made perfect in light of my weakness. And if it can be used for His glory, then I accept it even more. Many battle it; few openly talk about it. Depression looks different for any person who experience it. It can be a dark  place at times; I have also seen God shine through it when I let Him. Sounds easy….but seeing Him in the midst of it is not. Yet when I allow Him to be my strength ….it makes all the difference.

   I have learned this year to embrace who God has made me to be. I work as a barista, but that is not who or what I am. I write, but that does not label my life. I am a wife and a mom, and love those roles more than I can express, yet those are not my definition. God has opened me to new truths about Himself in me, and in so doing, has enhanced the above lists and blossomed them in all new ways (an incredible customer base in my coffee shop; larger blog audience; awesome new experiences with my husband and kids ) . To try to explain the heart change He has done for me in the year 2013 is like trying to run a marathon without training: extremely difficult. And so the way I just worded it is the best I can find to explain it. God has worked in my heart in new ways. He has helped me find (thought it doesn't mean I have mastered it) my identity in Him rather than in what I do or what others say I am. He has strengthened me in ways I thought impossible.  It's been a year of good changes for me and for my family.

  We've had many highlights and as I often liked to ask others the question of what was the highlight of their 2013, I found a hard time answering the question myself. Highlights for me would include:
   - Getting published in the book Couch Rebels. Because Stories Like These aren't Told by Potatoes. (You can find this book on Amazon.com and a portion of every book sales go to purchase clean water for those in Africa).
  - Family times. We experienced some great family moments this year and God really blessed certain aspects of our lives. We had a couple of good family trips, including Michael and I getting away for our anniversary this year and experiencing some new things together.
  - I was able to travel out to Utah to see my brother, his wife and their new baby. And this was the first time I got out on my own since having kids. It was so fun and refreshing and good.
 - The 5K in memory of mom, and her scholarship, took on a new growth this year. The goals were exceeded and the excitement has grown. I cannot wait to see what will happen in 2014 with it.
 

  There were challenges as well, so don't get me wrong that 2013 was all roses and candy.
 -We entered a new phase of parenting with a middle schooler. We've experienced new emotions and foreign territory as she is growing up in this year. I have often times felt at loss for (nearly the first) time as a mom, and haven't known what to do always. I have been stretched in new ways. I have missed my own mom in all new aspects. We are definitely in a new phase as parents. Good, yes. But challenging just the same.
 - We said goodbye to our very last grandparent. Although expected, saying this goodbye did not come easy. However, we are thankful for the years we had with Granny.
  - We had to say goodbye to our faithful dog of 9 years. Milo had to be put down this year.
 - I let go of some old friends. That is never easy for me. I tend to think I can always hold onto people when they come into my life. And yet letting go is good, too. I have made new friends in light of that. I have learned tough lessons along with that. But God has taught me some great truths in the process. (which is entirely its own blog).

  So 2013 is now gone and we usher in 2014. I, for one, am excited to see what God will bring my way this year. Challenges, I have no doubt. But excitement, too. Are you ready??
 One day at a time….I will keep looking to Him.

Running Humor

In 5 years of running, I've had my share of humorous (aka embarrassing) moments, so in light of that, I decided I'd share what I've learned.(And provide you readers with a laugh or 2). I'm going to back this up, starting with my very first race. When I decided to start running in 2008, I chose the Flying Pig Half Marathon to be my first race. I was such a rookie back then…


4 am, my alarm goes off, and I get up and begin my morning pre race routine. Only, because this was my first race, I didn't really know what the pre race routine was yet.  After preparing, we all exited the house on that rainy morning. It was still very dark outside, and I had no idea what I was getting into. I had butterflies in my stomach. My biggest fear? Getting lost. Yes, getting lost. I was afraid I wouldn't turn in the right place or that I would somehow take a wrong path. Little did I know there would be 10,000 or so runners around me and that fear would be non-sensical.
  My rookie behavior showed through as I got out of the car and began walking toward the start line.
 
  "Excuse me," I say to a couple of fit, experienced looking runners. "But where am I supposed to be? I've never done this before."

 The 2 fit (younger) runners looked at each other like, "Is she serious?" But answered, almost mockingly, "Well, over there, where the big start line is. You just line up."  And they were on their way; I never saw them again.

 I walked over to the start line area, and found my place in the middle of the street (aka the corral area). No one else was lining up. (Oh, did I mention there was still over an hour before it even began??) I learned from this experience, needless to say.

 Anyway, as the race took off, I found myself really needing to use the bathroom. I felt like it would pass, because perhaps I was just nervous. Mile 1, I passed the port-a-potties and kept going. I was convinced I could hang on. Mile 2….I slowed a little bit, but kept going. By mile 3, I knew I could not go 10 more miles holding it! So I stopped for the port-a-potty line. Yes. I said Line. I waited my turn, knowing that the clock was ticking (literally). When i finally got in and sat down and "felt better", to my dismay, there was no toilet paper! I had to resort to creativity. And press on. (But I admit, I was self conscious about it the entire rest of the race and endured some jokes about it after the fact.)  I finished in just under 3 hours (ok. Literally my time was 2:59:37) But I finished…. And I didn't get lost.
  I also learned from this first race experience to ALWAYS take Immodium before every race and make use of the port-a-potties all along the start area 15 minutes prior to race kickoff.

  What else have I learned from silly running experiences??
 -DO NOT take your brand new dog out for a run before you know how he behaves and he knows you. I made this mistake. I had just gotten the dog I'd always wanted: A weimararner. We changed his name, and on the 2nd day of having him, I decided I wanted to take him for a run. Only the problem came 3/4 of a mile into it. Having never really tripped running, that was not an obstacle I'd considered. Yet this time, I tripped and literally went flying in the air, skidding across the sidewalk. My dog ran off, I was crying, and it took a half hour to chase him down. I was left with a scraped body and pride. And a lesson well learned: wait 'til you know your pet to take him running! (Or perhaps the lesson was Don't trip!)
  -Stretching is more important after a run than before. I figured this out through my experience post first half marathon, when bending over to tie my shoes hurt and i walked oddly, as if I'd been horseback riding and my legs were a bit stuck that way.
 - On long training runs, I need to pack toilet paper in my water backpack. I learned this lesson the hard way: I was out for a 14 mile run (training for a full marathon), and there were no bathrooms for miles. I could not wait any longer, so I discreetly (as discreet as one can be on a bike path) did what any good runner would do: I fixed the problem.( And left a bit of clothing on the side of the path behind me due to lack of toilet paper…again, I used my creativity).
  - If I fall, get up. Keep going. It's funny. (So long as I am not hurt).It's also a great life lesson. I once was running in the dark (as I usually am, actually. 4:30 am runs are lit by the moon only), on a slightly broken up path, and while picking up speed to finish out the last mile strong, I found a part of the broken path with the tip of my shoe and skidded hard (on my side). Apparently I have fallen more than I thought. Anyway, I got up, laughed at myself, and finished strong.
  running has taught me much about determination, satisfaction, passion, accomplishment and a love for something I never thought possible. I have also learned to laugh at myself…..And always have toilet paper as one of the running necessities.

(Taken at the Flying Pig Expo)

The pursuit of….diligence?

This week a friend asked me if I were to be summed up in one word by another person, what word would that person choose? I found that to be a very thought provoking question. I know what I would like to be said, but her response (and she knows me quite well) was very different from what I would've said. However, the conversation took me back to a word, falling under a different category:
     Diligent.
  Back in the beginning of 2013, by the prompting of a fellow blogger, I chose a word for which I wanted to define the year.  While many came to mind, diligent was what stuck out, so that became my choice.
 I have been thinking about that recently and with the year growing closer to the end, I was evaluating a little bit.  The reality of my diligence results left me realizing a few new things about myself.
 
  I wanted to become more diligent in :
    my role at home: being a wife and a mom
       my life dreams
          my prayer life and walk with God
              mom's scholarship

In my reflections the last few days, I have come to realize that as I became more diligent in one area, sometimes another area lacked. Usually, the area that lacked should have been the larger priority. It's a work in progress for me.

  Through the last months, I have learned the beauty of diligence in prayer. I have seen answers to thing I know only God could have done. I have developed new friendships for which I prayed about for a very long time. I have felt new peace in areas only He could do that. I also have felt redirection at times when I didn't really want to feel it, but nonetheless, deepening that time with Him helped me see circumstance and events in all new light.  Time praying….and listening….has become some of the most powerful moments of my year thus far.

  Diligence in the 5K, mom's scholarship,  showed great results, in our nearly doubling the scholarship fund this year. Through that process of diligence, I did come to learn the hard way that my diligence in my home lacked during that time. It's not always (ok, rarely) good to sacrifice one area of life for another. My family was amazing through the process of planning the event, though. Diligence is a great aspect to have in light of life dreams, but at times needs to be checked as well.

  Diligence in my role at home needs some work. I'd like to say that this role took my priority slot this year. Some days it did; other days, not so much. I struggle very much as a working mom/wife, to balance this aspect. Diligence in my role at home doesn't always mean a spotless home, either. Diligence at home often times should mean leaving the floor a bit dirty and reading to Elizabeth; or folding clothes later so I can jump on the trampoline with Joseph. Those moments matter far more than a moment of a clean floor in light of eternity.

 Life dreams....this aspect of diligence is one which shifted greatly this year. I started out 2013 with every intention of being back in school this year. I was determined this was the year. However, in my diligence in prayer time, I felt God redirect my steps significantly and tell me "No" to school. My first inclination was to fight that. I was sure that I was supposed to go to school. After all, I'd been saying it since I was 18. However, the more I pursued it, the more evident I was not supposed to take that path. I fought God many times on it, telling Him (Haha- as if I should be telling God what I should do!) that I was not supposed to be "Just" a barista the rest of my life; I was supposed to be in school! But He patiently redirected my heart over this. He opened my eyes to new aspects of my job and brought new excitement and joy to it. He showed me powerful pieces to what I do. And through the process of redirecting this piece of diligence, I believe one of the most important aspects I took away from it was that I am not "just" a barista; He has made me to be so much more. And through it, I developed a new love of my job. More importantly, I have developed a new sense of who He created me to be. He redirected my life dreams so I can more diligently focus on my family. and He planted new life dreams in my heart. (Stay tuned for future posts on that....)
 
  All this to say, I am not sure diligent would be a word that adequately described the year as I had anticipated. (Just as my friend's word to describe me was not a word I would have chosen). But as often times is the case, God's view of what the year should be is often different than what I say it should be. And His plans are always better than mine.
   Jeremiah 29:11 -12 , Message version
  "I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out-plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen."
   His plans for my future are far better than mine.